6 simple ways to ruin a first date before you’ve even left the house


If you’ve ever managed to have a beautiful woman join you for a night of forced interaction, awkward conversation, and inevitable disappointment…

You’ll already know that there are plenty of ways to ruin a first date once you’re standing face to face.

I don’t think I need to tell you turning up straight from the gym, dripping in sweat with half your protein shake splattered across your face isn’t a good look.

But what you might not know is there are also plenty of ways you can ruin your first date before you’ve even slipped your best jeans on and polished your nice black shoes.

Here are 6 of the most common ways to ruin your first date before you’ve left the house.

 

1. Read about what you should do / say

Men’s Health’s 8 great places to get to know a woman? Get rid of it.

Forbes magazine’s top 10 restaurants that will impress a woman? Throw it away.

The 11 fastest ways to make a girl laugh? No.

Why? Because every piece of literature you’ve ever read, every audio book you’ve ever listened to, every DVD you’ve EVER watched, all suffers from the same 3 fundamental flaws.

1. You are not the same person who wrote the article

If you’re naturally a quiet, introspective and deep guy and you implement GQ’s 17 special ways to spice up your first date, you’re just going to come off as forced and awkward.

Just because one set of actions or lines is congruent for one person, it doesn’t mean it’s going to suit you.

2. She’s not the same woman that the author tested his lines / actions on

Some women will love that crazy story about the time you had to scoop your own poo off the kitchen wall so the Pope didn’t see it. Other women will vomit into a coffee cup and throw it into your lap.

Just because one woman liked a story, it doesn’t mean that EVERY woman is going to like it.

3. It’s not the same time, place, or moment as when the author tested his techniques

Showing off your finely tuned breakdancing skills is great when you’re flashing lights, thumping beats, and admiring applause of your fellow club goes are egging you on.

They’re not so appropriate when the beautiful woman who’s partially concealed behind the wispy steam from her morning latte is sharing a story about the death of her 16 year old Labradoodle.

The appropriateness of any joke / line / action is contextual to the very specific moment the specific moment that you’re in.

What is right on one day with one woman might be COMPLETELY inappropriate with another. It also might be completely inappropriate in the next moment!

Timing is everything and the one thing you can’t learn from any ‘What to do’ or ‘What to say’ is timing.

The woman who loved that joke about the two nuns in the primary school a week ago? She was a week ago.

That moonlit, seaside park you took the cute blonde from the coffee store? The 19-year old club girl you met on Friday night isn’t quite as excited by the sound of gently lapping waves and the warm summer breeze.

All men are different, all women are different, and all moments are different.

These ‘what to do’ and ‘what to say’ guides are GREAT if you’re exactly the same as the person who wrote it and you just happen to meet the exact same woman at the exact same time and she was in the exact same mood as when whey they wrote about her.

But you’re not.

So all you’re going to do is end up creating awkward and inappropriate moments if you follow someone else’s rules.

 

2. Choose a girl because of how hot she is / what you think your friends will think of her

Yes, I get it. Hot women are hot. They’re nice to look at. In fact, they’re great to look at.

Gentle curves, big lips, toned legs, and a radiant smile have convinced greater Men than you to do things FAR worse than a grab a quick latte with a woman in a nearby coffee shop and smile politely at her boring stories and awkward jokes.

But if you choose a hot woman with nothing else to add to your life other than how great she looks in the front seat of your rented convertible as you speed down some postcard worthy highway, then the date is going to die a painful death.

Here’s why:

If you choose a woman, just because she looks great in a black mini-skirt and 6 inch heels, and has nothing else going for her, how exciting is the conversation going to be?

Is it going to flow freely and openly like two friends catching up at Christmas or are you going to have to struggle through her stories about the latest Gucci rain coat she bought for her handbag-sized Chihuahua?

How much fun are you going to have at mini-golf when she spends half the time reapplying her makeup?

How willing is she going to be to climb a wall and break into the botanic gardens to get the best view of the stars?

In short: your date will be boring. Not just for you but for her as well.

No one is going to enjoy themselves and both parties are going to walk away feeling like they just wasted 6 hours of their life that they’re never going to get back again.

Yes, beautiful women are great to look at but if that’s the only criteria you have for the women you date, then you’re walking head first into a disaster.

 

3. Pretend to be someone you’re not when you talk to her on the phone

So, you met a great girl, got her number, and now you’re listening to the delightful voice as you desperately try to pluck up enough courage to ask her out.

As you’re doing this, you’re presented with another great way to ruin your first date before you left the house.

You’re chatting, you’re flirting, you start to tell a story about some crazy adventure that wasn’t really that crazy but you embellish it a little anyway.

Then you start to tell another story about an adventure that wasn’t actually crazy at all but you thought you’d make it sound crazy because she reacted to well to the first one.

Then you just flat out lie.

What’s the result of this?

She turns up at the date expecting some crazy guy who’s going to take her on a whirlwind adventure when really, you just want to take it easy and get to know her.

She walks away disappointed because she didn’t get what she was expecting and you walk away disappointed because you didn’t get what you wanted.

Or maybe you didn’t tell a crazy story. Maybe you told a story or two about the time you helped the family of orphaned kittens navigate a busy and dangerous highway to highlight your non-existent compassion.

Or maybe you told the story about the time you confidently gave mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to 8 swans…

Or maybe you told the story about how you saved the queen from choking on a hot dog by performing the Heimlich manoeuver…

Who knows what kind of crazy shit is inside your head.

Pretending to be someone else sets up a series of expectations in her head that you’re bound not to live up to.

If you pretend to be crazy then the first time you take the safe option, she’s going to feel let down.

If you pretend to be compassionate then the first time you laugh at the drunk girl who’s having a hard time getting shoes on, she’s going to feel confused.

If you pretend to be brave then the first time you back down from a challenge, she’s going to have to completely reassess what she knows about you in her head to come up with a new picture.

And when she does, she’ll be left feeling confused, flat and a little empty.

Definitely not what you want her feeling when you’re leaning in for that good night kiss.

Pretending to be someone you’re not is one of the fastest ways possible to ruin your first date before you’ve even stepped out of the house.

 

4. Pre-plan what you’re going to do / say

Sure, I understand that when you’re sitting at your computer, 3 hours before you’re supposed to be standing in front of a fiery red-head from two floors below you, who’s expecting you to be fun, interesting, and exciting, pre-planning what you’re going to do and say sounds like a great idea.

But it’s not. Trust me.

Here’s why:

If your head is full of interesting and fun things to talk about, how attentive are you really going to be?

Are you going to be listening to what she’s saying or thinking about how you can get your ‘interesting’ comments into the conversation?

Are you going to notice all her subtle body language clues or are you going to be trying to remember the exact order you’re supposed to deploy your routine stack?

Are you going to be paying attention to all the interesting stuff that’s happening around you or are going to be trying to make sure your body language is ‘alpha’ enough?

Pre-planning what you should be saying or doing is a BAD idea because it means you’re going to going to spend the date stuck in your head, reciting all the stories, movements, and actions you’re going to deploy and miss the one thing you should be paying attention to – her.

 

5. Plan to go somewhere / do something that you don’t actually want to do

If you ask a woman to come and spend time with you, make sure you ask her to do something with you that you both will enjoy, regardless of whether or not you’re with each other.

Don’t ask her to the stuffy restaurant that charges a fortune because they have three different forks on the table that you don’t really like but think it looks impressive.

Don’t ask her to join you at the night noodle markets when you’re allergic to soy and gluten because you read that it’s a great place to take women.

Take her someone that you’re both going to have a great time at regardless of whether you’re with each other.

Why?

Because that way the date will be fun, regardless of if she loves your story about that time you got arrested for frolicking naked in the aquarium tanks at 3am.

She’ll have a good time, you’ll have a good time, and this means you won’t have to be the sole source of entertainment for each other at a time when you really don’t know what each other finds entertaining.

If you end up in a boring, stuffy, stiff, and restrictive environment that neither of you really like, you’re just placing a whole lot of unnecessary pressure on both of you to be more interesting than necessary due to the lack of external stimulation.

Getting to know someone brand new can be a tough proposition. There are going to be pressures and stresses on the date. Don’t be an idiot and add more.

 

6. Going out to meet girls because you want to fill an empty hole in your life

This is the grand-daddy of them all.

This is the one that is guaranteed to get a polite “Well, thanks, I had a good time…” and a cold shoulder at her front door.

This is also the one that most guys do LONG before they realise that they’re interested in women!

They go out to meet girls because they’re lonely / are looking for validation from their friends / think that getting a girlfriend is going to get them accepted into the cool group.

I’ve worked with enough guys over the last 6 years to tell you that WITHOUT A DOUBT, this doesn’t work.

If you’re on a date with a woman and you feel desperate to get her into your life to fill this hole, how exciting is the date going to be?

Are you going to push her around and flirt with her and build massive sexual tension?

Or are you going to play it safe and stay inside the comfort zone to avoid ruining this potential solution to the misery and frustration of your every day existence?

Are you going to open up and freely express your drives, desires, and passions?

Or are you going to hide all those behind your forced ‘cool’ demeanour and say what you think she wants to hear from you?

Are you going to passionately and articulately stand up for what you believe in?

Or are you going to agree with whatever comes out of her mouth in the hope that she lets you touch her boobs?

And, when you add all these things up, do you think they’re going to give her an exciting, challenging, and real experience of hanging out with you?

Or do you think it’s going to be completely forgettable because it’s just more of the same that she gets in every part of her life?

Trying to use women to fill a hole in your life is a pointless and painful exercise because at best, you will end up with a bored and polite rejection.

At worst, you’ll end up attracting a woman with as little going for her as you do and getting trapped in a passionless and dead-end relationship that eventually sucks what little drive and potential you had into the vast black hole of the inevitable breakdown of your depressing co-dependent relationship.

Doesn’t sound like a great life to me but hey, it’s your choice and always will be.

 

What should you do instead?

Ok, so now you know what you shouldn’t do. But what should you do?

The first step in solving any problem is to first work out exactly what that problem is.

To do that, look back through all ways to ruin your first date and find the common theme.

Can you see it? No?

Let me make this easy for you.

The easiest way to ruin your first date before you leave the house is: to be dependent.

If you’re dependent on women to fill a hole in your life, your friends’ validation and approval to feel good, on other people to tell you what you should do and how you should live your life, then you’re going to ruin your first date, every time.

Guaranteed.

It’ll end up being boring, stiff, and painful for everyone involved (and even some who aren’t).

That means that the solution is simple: Independence.

Fill that hole in your life regardless of how women respond to you.

Feel validated and strong regardless of what your friends think of you.

Work out what is going to be independently rewarding and fulfilling, regardless of what other people say you should be doing, and go after it.

When you live your life this way, you’re going to avoid all these great ways to ruin your first date before you’ve left the house.

I’m not guaranteeing that you’re going to end up naked in her apartment, I’m just saying that you’re not going to do all the stupid stuff that most guys do to ruin the date before you’ve walked out your door.

 

“But how do I become more independent???”

Ahh… good question.

Lucky for you, this is also an easy question to answer. In fact, I’ve already answered it in the upcoming addendum for Endgame.

The Endgame Addendum is 14,000 words detailing the specific steps and actions you need to take to eliminate your dependence and become the kind of Man that women are naturally attracted to.

If you want to make sure you’re ready to fully digest the entire Addendum when it’s released in a week or two, then make sure you get a copy of Endgame today.

Everyone who’s purchased Endgame will get a free upgrade to the latest version as soon as it’s released.

Get your copy here: How to Become a Confidently Attractive Man

 

In Conclusion

There you have it: 6 great ways to ruin a first date before you’ve left the house.

1. Read about what you should do / say on the date
2. Choose a girl because of how hot she is / what you think your friends will think of her
3. Pretend to be someone you’re not on the phone
4. Pre-plan what you’re going to do / say
5. Plan to go somewhere / do something that you don’t actually want to do
6. Going out to meet women to fill a hole in your life

This isn’t a complete list by any stretch of the imagination. There are HUNDREDS of ways you can ruin a first date before you’ve even left the house.

This is just a list of the 6 most common ways.

If you can avoid all these, you’ll be free to stuff up the date once you’re standing face to face, rather than before you get there J

Oh, and if you want to know how to become more Independent so you don’t have to think about any of these, get your copy of Endgame here.

 

 

 

Leigh

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6 Responses

  1. Pablo

    hey mate, there are some posts where you give a little explanation of the getting, doing, creating pathways of endgame. Can you talk a little bit about the 5 elements of Dependence of the endgame addendum that you mention in the last post like you did with that posts where you explain the 3 different pathways?

    Reply
  2. robocop

    Any news on the addendum? Is it out yet/when will it come out? Looking forward to it

    Reply
      • robocop

        I don’t seem to have received it :(
        Nevertheless, I saw you’re closing down shop… best of luck on your future endeavors and thanks for everything you’ve given us.

  3. Will Legend

    Awesome points. I just wanted to wholeheartedly agree with point #1. The reason we go on a first date is to learn more about the other person and whether or not we like them. Same for the girl.

    That means it’s stupid to change how you’d normally behave to impress the woman. This type of “acting” is what often leads to awkward moments. Trying to impress is generally a turn-off. After all, why would a strong male need to prove himself?

    Reply

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