A Beginners Guide To BEING POWERFUL.

Do you have a habit of complaining?

About life? About people? Women? Your parents? Your boss? Good. Welcome to being human.

So, let’s have a look at that.

I invite you to begin viewing all the things you complain about as a product of your creation.

Here’s what I mean – resist the temptation to blame someone else for your anger, frustration and pain.

And instead put yourself on the hook..

..for creating it all. For example:

– That woman who you approached and she was a bitch to you? You created her.

– That girlfriend who broke up with you and left you sad and lonely? You created her.

– And whilst we’re on the subject of important women in your life.. your mum, who just won’t listen and tells you what to do? Well consider that you created her, too.

You could extend this to include your job, your environment and your city:

– The colleague who annoys you because he doesn’t play by the rules? You created him.

– Your boss who doesn’t recognise you for all the hard work you’ve done? You created him.

– And the unfriendly city, which you live in? Well, you created it, too.

So here comes the obvious question:

Why would you take part in this nonsense?

Well, consider this.

That same boss – and the woman in the street – and your mum – and girlfriend – and even the city will be experienced differently by different people, in different moments.

So the first thing to realize is that there’s no set way of being for them; there’s only their reaction to you – which is what you see…

…And Can Only Ever See.

But instead of seeing the world as is – as merely a reflection of ourselves which we create in every moment – we often buy into the temptation of viewing the world as being a separate space, which is created for us and does things TO us.

It impacts us, dammit!

There’s nothing wrong with that latter way of looking at the world. It’s just that it robs us of power – because for as long as we an issue of existing outside of ourselves, we have very little ability to have a say in the outcome of that issue.

We can’t control something that’s outside ourselves.

We can only try to manage it.

See, when you view complaints as products of your own creation, you become 100% responsible for them.

And whilst that leaves you with no ability to feel superior and righteous by blaming someone else, it leaves you with all the power in the world – because it leaves you with an ability to create your life any way you want.

When you’re choosing to be NOT responsible, the only thing you can really do is complain. About how things should be different, about how you’re being mistreated, about how wrong the other person is, and so on.

But when you take full responsibility, you suddenly have the power to be the cause in the matter.

Suddenly, a complaint becomes an opportunity for you to realise your full potential.

So, the colleague who annoys you because he doesn’t play by the rules becomes..

You, who is stopped short from helping your fellow colleague see why playing by the rules is beneficial for the team.

And the woman who you approached and who was being a bitch to you becomes..

You, who stopped short of stripping away your armour and letting her see the amazing guy you have inside you.

And your boss, who just won’t acknowledge you for your efforts becomes..

You, who is not giving your boss what he needs from you. Perhaps it’s even you who doesn’t stand up for what you believe in around people in power?

Your mum who just won’t listen to you..

Becomes you who is not willing to hear that your mum is just trying to do her best for you, in her own way.

And your girlfriend who is too stubborn becomes..

You who needs for your girlfriend to agree with you for you to feel good. Perhaps it’s even you who is not giving your girlfriend the freedom to be herself?

And the unfriendly city in which you life? Well, consider that it is you who is unfriendly. When was the last time you initiated a smile or said hello to a stranger in the street, and really meant it?

I hope you see the power behind this simple paradigm shift.

Now, when you’re putting yourself on the hook, I’m not suggesting that you begin to view yourself as bad or flawed or damaged or wrong.

Rather, I’m suggesting that you see yourself as an amazing being that you are, full of potential, operating through normal, human fears which you allow to stop you from having the full freedom to be yourself.

Putting yourself on the hook does have some costs, though.

First, you will lose your ability to complain about people. After all, there will no longer be anything outside yourself to complain about any more.

In fact, you will not be able to whinge and bitch about people behind their backs, period.

When you think about it, behind-the-back whingeing is little more than an inauthentic attempt at feeling powerful about a situation where you lost power earlier.

So you won’t have any need for that any more.

How do you think that will impact on your interactions with people? Will the quality of those interactions become better or worse?

It’s interesting to note just how often we use our friends and loved ones as sponges for our complaints about others. What we aren’t always aware of is the destructive, draining effect it has on our relationships.

Apart from the momentary feeling of power, complaints achieve little in adding colour, richness and depth to our interactions with people.

Putting yourself on the hook allows you to become bigger than your complaints. Bigger than your fears. It becomes a step towards solving the issues you experience and beginning to live life powerfully.

 

Steven

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2 Responses

  1. K

    As Gloria Steinem used to say… “The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.”
    Thank you for doing both, Steve. This article is truly more valuable than a room full of treasure 🙂

    Reply

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