Dealing With "But I Have A Boyfriend".

You approach a pretty girl. You are talking to her for a little bit and things are looking promising.

So you decide it’s time ‘close’ this deal and so you whip out your Nokia in a swift ninja motion and tell her you’d like to see her again.

“But .. I have a boyfriend.”

You know that sound you get when you cut the power to a record player and leave the needle on the vinyl, as it slows to a halt?

You know the one.

The ‘boyfriend objection’, or whatever the jargon is these days, had happened to me as I’m sure it’s happened to you and I had that sound playing in my head as soon as the words left her mouth.

In fact, I believe there are a few hidden cam daygame videos of me floating around the ‘Net where a girl in the street tells me she has a boyfriend.

Often this situation leaves us, men, feeling rather flat and wondering if she legitimately did have a boyfriend, or whether that was the most gentle way she could find of letting us know she is not interested.

Here’s the weird thing I realised..

To find out if she was telling the truth, check in with yourself.

If you were being real with her, chances are she was being real with you.

If you were just spitting out some lines in hope that they ‘stick’ and ‘spark attraction’, chances are, she did the same thing to you.

When you’re communicating on that deeper level with a woman, and she feels your authenticity and presence, you will feel it in her as she reflects it back to you.

Which, by extension, suggests that if she departs and you’re still standing by yourself, a Nokia in hand, pondering the age-old “Did she really have a boyfriend?” question …

..Chances are, she blew you off. But you blew HER off before you even approached her. You blew IT before you even approached her.

So the answer to the question becomes the existence of the question itself, really.

When she has a boyfriend, and she means it, you will feel it. It’s not hard to sense the tides of a woman’s desire crashing into the rocks of her conscience. When her emotion in the present moment is clouding her judgement of the bigger picture.

But to see it, to sense it, to know it, you have to be with her there, PRESENT in her and with her in the moment.

NOT in your head somewhere, trying to figure out which attraction switch needs to be flicked next to overcome this pesky ‘boyfriend objection’.

My point is, you will know the answer to the ‘Did she really have a boyfriend’ question when you find not having to ask yourself that question.

 

Steven

P.S. A few things that just popped into mind you can use to check in with yourself and see if you were real with her. Ask yourself these questions:

– “Did I feel the need to rush getting her number on a ‘high note’, before things fizzled out / got awkward / you ran out of things to say?”

– “Do I know exactly WHY I approached her? What grabbed me about her?”

P.P.S. I’ve read some dating advice out there which suggests that ‘dealing with the boyfriend objection’ is simply a matter of ‘holding your frame’ and ‘plowing’…

Sure, you might be able to put some pressure on her and she will give you her number. You can make her laugh with something witty and cocky like,

“That’s OK, all my girlfriends have boyfriends.”

And then, in that moment that her emotions are shifted up, ask for her number again; she’ll probably give it to you. And later, with some witty ‘text game’ resuscitate the spark and maybe even get her to meet you.

But really. Really. Really. Really.

By this point the ship really has sailed, and if you’re finding yourself in this situation more than once, chances are the solution lays not in being more effective in ‘dealing with boyfriend objections’…

I’d humbly suggest that your problem began before you even left the house, as you did not know what you were looking for in a woman. You didn’t know WHAT, you couldn’t have expressed IT, she didn’t feel YOU, and she blew you OFF.

Look inwards before you look outwards.

Steven

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