How NOT To Build Rapport With A Woman.

(And How TO Build Rapport With A Woman).

You know, in the 3 years I’ve spent dedicated to this thing called inner game, there has consistently been something that really pisses me off about our “seduction community“.

No, it’s not the ridiculous lengths we go to to get noticed (white gloves, top hat, and a leopard skin shirt anybody?).

No it’s not this notion that if we stick our dick in any number of hot women, THEN we will have finally made it.

It’s not even the fact that our community began between bouts of dungeons and dragons, Starcraft (or was it the original Diablo? Bless Blizzard)..

We trawled our newsgroups coming up with new cunning strategies and techniques for wooing all those hot women that shunned us during high school.

(I for one am PROUD of my nerdy heritage, and if you have a problem with that, speak to my 9th level Mage, Elgandir, who motherfracking pwned that Lich last week in Neverwinter Nights).

It’s none of that – as much as some of it is horrifically ridiculous.

The one thing that has consistently pissed me off about our community, is this concept of building rapport with a woman.

Nothing has caused me more grief, more unease, or made me want to reach through my screen and grab the eyeballs of the offending poster and scream into his eye-sockets:

“YOU JUST DON’T FUCKING GET IT, DO YOU!”

..When I read in some field report something like this about rapport:

“After isolating her, I launched into my comfort routine, and started to build rapport with the woman”, or

“During our time together, I could tell that I had built rapport with her – because she demonstrated her trust in me when I took the lead”, blah blah blah, shut, the fuck, up!

This phrase – building rapport – has been thrown around so much in the seduction community, that I believe we really have lost sight of it really means to actually BUILD RAPPORT WITH A WOMAN.

Rapport with a woman is not something you manufacture. It’s not something you “demonstrate”. And it’s not just the big hurdle you need to leap before you get her to blow you.

Rapport with a woman seems to be the one thing you need to nail, before you can nail her: a means to an end, if you will.

I can just hear the cogs ticking over in the left pre-frontal cortex of all those unsuspecting pickup artists when they’ve been talking to a woman for 10 minutes:

“Ok, we’ve got a good vibe going on now. It’s time to share something with her so that she can feel our connection, and build that rapport so I can eventually stick my dick in. And then NEXT her as soon as she gets too close to one of my shortcomings”.

What the fuck have we been thinking this whole time that we believe that we need to manufacture a connection with a woman?

Whatever happened to wanting to actually connect with a woman, on a real, organic, maybe even vulnerable level?

Maybe you don’t respect the woman you’ve “gamed” enough to be really vulnerable with her (after all, if she fell for your tricks, she couldn’t possibly be respectable, right?).

Maybe you don’t respect yourself enough to be vulnerable with another human being, or maybe, just maybe, you are too scared of what might happen.

Maybe you’re afraid that you might lose that upper hand you’ve been trying to maintain, that that wall of armour you’ve been hiding behind will start to crack.

Maybe you’re going to realise that the only reason you’ve been gaming these women – and keeping them at an arms distance trying to conquer them – is because you believe your salvation lays within their naked arms.

The salvation that you don’t have the balls to provide yourself.

Unfortunately, until you realise this, you will act more like a malignant tumour taking down anybody and anything, including yourself, in order to win.

If you think it’s hard enough hearing it from me, wait until you start to hear it from yourself: that’s an honesty that is hard to stomach, but even harder to ignore.

It will be in the depths of that moment, that you will either learn to properly love yourself, treat yourself with the proper respect you really deserve, and then be in a position to treat others with the same respect.

..Or you will quit the seduction community, leaving behind you a trail of bitterness and resentment.

I hope for your sake that you see the light. You really do deserve to.

So the next time you’re out and about thinking of new and inventive, or even fail-safe, methods of building rapport with a woman, I hope you pause for a moment.

..And take that moment to think about why it is that you need to manufacture something that should be a natural extension of you.

..An organic process of sharing a real fragment of yourself.

What are you afraid of?

Is it her? Or is it really you?

When you begin REALLY connecting with a woman, rather than just manufacturing rapport, you’ll be surprised at how quickly the quality of this new relationship sky-rockets.

Jonathon

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