How to stop seeking approval from women

I don’t know if you’ve worked this out yet…

…but trying to get validation and approval from women is pointless.

It is simply impossible to get approval from everyone.

Some people will approve of you for the trendy clothes your wear.

Other people will call you a commercial sellout and disown you for the same outfit.

Some people will love you approve of you because you change yourself to fit their standards.

Other people will not want to have a bar of you because you constantly change who you are.

You can’t win.

But not only can you never get approval from everyone, trying to get validation is ruining your life.

When you live your life trying to get validation from people, you:

– Don’t do what you want for fear of rejection and experience all the frustration, boredom, and lack of fulfilment that comes with that way of living
– Don’t say what you think and experience the stifling that comes with that mentality
– Are dependent on other people to feel good and experience massive mood swings based on other peoples reactions
– See people as tools to use rather than living humans to share with and experience the isolation and lack of connection that come with that mindset
– And so much, much more…

So how do you deal with it?

Simple.

Like with every problem you face in every area of your life, the issue isn’t what you want, it’s how you’re trying to get it.

Want to feel validated? Great.

Want to feel approved of? Great.

Want to feel important? Great.

Want to feel valuable? Great.

Try to get it by changing yourself to fit the changing whims and opinions of everyone around you? Not so great…

You don’t have a problem with wanting to feel important, powerful, valuable, and significant. You have a problem trying to get it by changing yourself to meet other peoples standards.

What’s the solution? Empowered Validation Seeking.

What would change about your life if instead of trying to get the approval of everyone you met, you only worried about getting the approval of a very select group of people?

And what if those people would only validate people who did what they wanted, regardless of what other people told them they should do?

What if they only validated people who knew what they wanted and had the balls to go after it?

If you spent your life seeking their validation, what would change?

How much more rewarding and fulfilling would your life be?

How much more beauty, wonder, and excitement would you experience?

How much deeper would your connections be?

How much more powerful and in control would you feel?

How much more time would you spend doing what you loved rather than sitting on the sidelines watching the world pass you by?

And how much more do you think women would want to be around you?

Do you think it would be a more empowered and powerful way to live your life?

Something to think about.

But why stop there. If you’re going to change the place you get your validation and acceptance from, why not go all the way?

What would change about your life if instead of trying to get the approval of everyone around you or even a group of people who would only validate you if you followed your passions and dreams…

…you worked on getting approval and validation from yourself?

What if you used yourself as the sole barometer of what was right and what was wrong?

What if you turned your attention inwards to your standards, beliefs, and morals and lived your life by them?

How much more rewarding and fulfilling would your life be?

How much more beauty, wonder, and excitement would you experience?

How much deeper would your connections be?

How much more powerful and in control would you feel?

How much more time would you spend doing what you loved rather than sitting on the sidelines watching the world pass you by?

And how much more do you think women would want to be around you?

This is the essence of Empowered Validation Seeking – living your life on your terms, doing what you believe to be right, giving yourself the validation and approval you’re looking for, regardless of what anyone else says is right.

The power of this is that it not only allows you to be in complete control of how validated and accepted you feel, regardless of what anyone else says, but when you give yourself the validation and approval you need, you stop needing it from other people.

If you’re still seeking validation from outside yourself and want to know how to start using Empowered Validation Seeking…

…here’s a quick exercise for you:

Anytime you have to make a decision today, instead of asking the question “what should I do?” or “What will other people think of me?” or “What would someone else do?”, ask the question:

“What do I believe to be the right thing to do in this situation?”

Is it right to put people down to make myself feel better or is that wrong according to my moral code?

Is it right to try and get whatever I can out of his situation or is it right to contribute as much as possible, according to my moral code?

Is it right to try and do as little as possible in this situation or is it right to put in 100% effort, according to my moral code?

Is it right to take the easy route out or is it right to do things properly, according to my moral code?

What do I believe to be the right thing to do in this situation?

It’s the first step to experiencing the validation and acceptance you’re looking for without needing to rely on other people to give it to you.

I challenge you to try it out for 3 days. It might work for you, it might not, but at the end of the three days, you’re going to have a very clear idea of whether changing your validation source is what you need.

See how you go with this and make sure you share your results in the comments below.

 

 

Leigh

P.S. If you know anyone else who has trouble with validation seeking and needs to move to empowered validation seeking, make sure you share, +1, like, or tweet this article over here >>>>>

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6 Responses

  1. Vince

    Hmm… in this situation the right thing would be to courageously face my fear instead of running away from it. However sometimes I just don’t have enough courage or willpower and I am stuck.

    Reply
    • Leigh (LoGun)

      What if you started out by courageously facing our fear in situations that weren’t so scary? Do you think you’d eventually build the courage to take on the bigger challenges?

      Reply
  2. Vince

    That’s what I am doing Mr. Leigh. Thanks for another great article. I hope my courage will act like muscle and grow over time. I don’t know, that well, how it works. I am trying hard to break the habit.

    Reply
  3. J. Martinez

    This is soooo difficult for people that I have talked to about this to understand because there is a subtly involved here…basically the shift that you are giving here is a shift in underlying motivations (or intention). And, well, for people on the “outside looking in” at your actions (whether you do them because society dictates, or for the sake of approval, which are really closely linked, or if you do them for your own code) these actions all look the same.

    So for instance, I can give a friend some amazing Turkey Soup I made because they are ill and I feel it is the right thing to do. Or, I can give them Turkey Soup because I want their approval, or to be recognized as “generous” or “caring.” Or, I can give them Turkey Soup because “that’s just what you do” if you are “a friend.” In either case, the action is the same.

    So, as a result, when I have talked to particular people about this subtle shift in intention, they come away thinking that because their action are aligned with “what everyone else does” or, as they usually frame it, “It’s what people do,” they see and sense no reason to upset their own comfort of approval that comes with justifying their actions (life) by societal standards of politeness, mutual respect, and the whole “to each their own” philosophies.

    My point is this: a moral code to guide actions has the sense of “being your own,” and that “sense” is the sense that makes all the difference…BUT your moral code is a conclusion and not a premise for taking actions.

    A person has to desire CHANGE…

    …and yet, ironically, the only way to work out that code is by taking actions without a safety net of a desire for approval or doing “the right thing” (where “right” is defined as “its what people do”)

    In my experience, it seems there has to be a real desire for seeking uncertainty, challenge, ambiguity, risk, or CHANGE in one’s life before one can really benefit from taking actions based on personal code…

    I guess that’s the amazing thing about prep weeks of Get Real, eh? Generating a whole life evaluation about what as NOT been working and really setting the stage for desiring change…

    Reply
    • Leigh (LoGun)

      Great to hear mate. Now you have it, it’s time to do something with it. Remember, action is the key. Nothing changes till you take action.

      Reply

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