How to Stop Worrying What Other People Think in 2 Simple Steps Leigh (LoGun) Alpha Males 18 Comments In the last article I wrote on ‘How To Avoid Rejection’, Leir brought up a great point: It’s one thing to recognise that you can never guarantee that women won’t reject you, but how do you get to a point where you don’t care whether or not she says ‘Sorry, but I don’t like you in that way…?” To help you become the kind of guy who can approach a women and tell her just how hot she looks in those pants, without being phased if she doesn’t feel the same, I’ve put together a simple ‘How To’ guide. So, without further ado: How To Stop Worrying What Other People Think In 2 Simple Steps Step 1: Eliminate the Underlying Cause It’s simple: There’s a reason you care what other people think. I could give you all the tricks and techniques in the world to pretend like you don’t care what other people think of you, but until you deal with this underlying cause, they’ll all be a waste of time. It might be social conditioning or reinforced habit for a TINY minority of guys (if so, skip to Step 2: Break The Habit), but for the other 99%, there’s an underlying cause for why you care what other people think. – You want something from them. – You NEED something from them. You care what other people think because they have something you want. Their opinions matter to you because it has the power to determine success or failure. “No they don’t! I have everything I could ever want. I don’t want anything from them!” Ahhem… Bullshit. Yes you do. It might not be obvious on the surface, but it’s there. Trust me. This quick exercise will show you EXACTLY what you want: Imagine standing on a street corner in the warm, afternoon sun. You’re casually wandering past the stores, stopping to check out anything that catches your eye. As you continue your stroll, suddenly you see her. First of all, you catch a glimpse of the golden wisps of hair as they flick out from behind the old Man with the bushy, grey moustache. Then, the slender line of her arm appears as if floating on a bed of afternoon sun rays. Her golden skin, glowing as she effortlessly floats towards you. You stop. You can feel it inside you. That attraction. That magnetic pull. It’s like there’s a harpoon skewering you through the chest and dragging your bodies towards each other. You surrender to that primal urge and your eyes meet. She’s two meters away when the first words escape your lips… “Hi…” She smiles. The world seems to stop. The next 10 minutes are a blur and all you’re sure of is her number is in your phone and she’s turned around twice since she walked away to make sure you’re still looking. As she rounds the corner and disappears from view, you take a second to lift your head and survey the people around you. They’re all looking. They’re all smiling. A middle aged couple nod their head in approval. An old lady with blue hair squeezes the hand of her husband and almost has to wipe a tear away. One teenage guy in a blue singlet and board shorts even comes up to shake your hand. They’re all impressed. Even you’re impressed. Now, the most important question: As you survey the crowds adoring looks, how do you feel? Don’t just say ‘good’ or ‘happy’. That doesn’t help anyone. They’re far too boring and non-specific. Be detailed. Be specific. Try any of these out to see how they work for you: – Validated – Connected – Accepted – Powerful – Free – Loved – Important – Valuable – Worthwhile Which one(s) is it for you? Whatever it is, that feeling is what you want. That’s what other people have that you desire. That’s why you care what other people think. You’re looking for that sensation. You crave that experience. And at the moment, you’re trying to get it from other people. “Great, but what now?” You care what other people think because they have something you want. The way to stop caring what other people think about you is to get what you’re looking for, regardless of what they think of you. For example: If you discovered that the reason you care what other people think was because you desired to feel powerful, then to stop caring what other people think, you’d have to find your experience of power through a different pathway. (For those who’ve read Endgame, yes, I’m talking about transitioning from Getting to Doing) What if you found that feeling of power through doing what you wanted, regardless of what people thought of you? How would that change your approach anxiety? What if you found your feeling of power through saying what you think, regardless of how many people think it’s not socially acceptable? How would that change your problems with sexual expression? If you were able to experience what you wanted, regardless of the outcome of your actions, how much easier would it be to walk up to that cute brunette at the clothing store who insists on wearing those low cut singlets and telling her how sexy you think she is? Do you think you’d be stuck in your head, worrying about what other people think of you? Do you think you’d be frozen with anxiety, stressing over whether or not she’s going to reject you? And if you were able to get out of your head and eliminate that anxiety, how much smoother do you think you would be? Think about it. When you can experience what you want, regardless of what other people think of you, then you’re going to stop caring what they think because they don’t have anything you want. You’ll be internally fulfilled and have the freedom that comes with that internal fulfillment. If you’re still confused about exactly how this works and how it eliminates 99% of every problem you face with women, check out Endgame. It’s 250 pages that breaks everything down to its core elements and gives you the solid base you need to use this idea in EVERY area of your life. You can find out more about Endgame here: http://www.attractioninstitute.org/book/endgame Step 2: Break the Habit Eliminating the cause will rock your world. Seriously. If you can nail that part, then 99% of the anxiety and stress that come from worrying about what other people think will vanish. BUT… There’s still the old matter of your habits. If you’ve been reinforcing the skill of getting stuck in your head analysing the external environment every time you see a beautiful woman, particularly what other people are thinking, then it can hang around long after the underlying cause is gone. So, once you’ve gotten rid of the underlying cause, you might need to deal with this skill of analysing what other people are thinking and what could happen if she rejects you. Here’s how you do it: Think back to the last time you approached a woman when you were totally in the zone. I don’t care if you were on drugs or drunk or just having a great night – cast your mind back to that moment. When you approached her / spoke to her / flirted with her / escalated with her, where was your attention focussed? Was it on how she looked / smelt / made you feel or was it on the people around her / the external environment / the rules you read in the latest pickup manual? Now, contrast this with the last time you tried to approach but got frozen with anxiety. Where were you focussing then? Can you see a difference? Can you see what makes some approaches easy and fun and others difficult and stressful? Yes, it’s that simple. It’s your focus. Breaking the habit of worrying about what other people are thinking simply involves taking conscious control of your focus. When you focus on what other people could be thinking of you or projecting into the future and stressing over potential rejection, you cause anxiety, stress, and misery. When you focus on the sexy curves that roll out from under her tight fitting t-shirt, you experience attraction and raw, primal masculininity. Instead of focussing on what people COULD think about you IF she isn’t interested in having your sweaty hands all over her naked body, bring your attention to what really matters – her smooth skin, her beautiful hair, her enchanting smile, her dazzling eyes, the way her hips sway when she walks. Lock on to those like a laser beam and let all the other useless thoughts and mental pictures sit in the back of the classroom like naughty school children. If the only thing that was running through your body as you confidently walked towards that enchanting blonde with the green eyes who stands on your train platform every morning were those intense feelings of attraction, how much time would you have to spend battling approach anxiety brought on by worrying about what other people were thinking, and how real, authentic, and powerful do you think your approach would be? Think about it. Take control of your focus, destroy the habit. There are many little elements that go into whether or not you have laser focus or you’re a scatter brain, but the simplest way to deal with the majority of them is through Meditation. Spending 15 minutes, every morning, for two weeks, will make more of a significant difference to your life than reading every book you could find on self-improvement, every day, for a year.. If you’ve never done it before, jump onto Youtube and search for Guided Meditation. It’ll take the pressure out of trying to get it right when you have no idea what you’re doing. In Conclusion When you eliminate the underlying cause and can then take conscious control of your focus, you’ll never get stuck worrying what other people are thinking. You won’t have a secret weapon to make people like you, you simply won’t care whether or not they approve of you. You’ll be strong, powerful, and independent, and won’t have neediness and clinginess destroying your chances before you’ve even opened your mouth. You’ll be free to talk to whoever you want, whenever you want, regardless of who approves or disapproves. If this process sounds too challenging to tackle on your own, and you want personal guidance with structured and proven exercises to get you out of your head and approaching women freely, then Get Real is the program for you. It’s a 5 week, personal, intensive program designed to help you discover: – Why learning tricks to attract women is a complete waste of time – What women REALLY want – EXACTLY what’s stopping you from attracting the women you want and living your life on your terms (yes, they’re the same thing) – The simple mechanism that will make attracting women and living a fulfilling life an every day reality (Once again, yes, they’re the same thing) – The ONLY reason you’re not living your life in this way – 2 simple steps to eliminating this barrier and becoming free and effortless around even the most attractive women – The 4 stage meditation process that will allow you to achieve internal stillness in the most distracting environments – And much, much more. I can guarantee you, without a shadow of a doubt, that Get Real will be the single most powerful and life changing 5 weeks you’ve ever been through. Bar none. Follow this link to find out all the details of Get Real and what other people are saying about it: www.attractioninstitute.org/programs/get-real Join over 25,000 subcribersDownload your FREE copy of Seduction Community Sucks now and get in-field videos, subscriber-only articles, and exclusive podcasts delivered directly to your inbox If you're ready to become the kind of Man that attracts confident and in-demand women without trying, then I have a gift to start you on that journey. Seduction Community Sucks is your 159 page kick-start to becoming the kind of Man that makes women go weak at the knees. Get your FREE copy, as well as access to other subscriber-only articles, podcasts, and video footage, now. Get your FREE ebook, hidden articles, in-field videos, and exclusive podcasts here: 18 Responses Wim April 25, 2012 Mmm… I completely got lost in imaging that situation. Well written, sir 🙂 I discovered two things from that. First (accidentally) I noted that before I came to the line where your wrote the girl keeps looking back, I had imagined the situation that my attraction was unwelcome with the girl. Even after all these years, those kinds of thought still live sometimes apparently (even after meditating daily for more than 6 years… frustrating :S) The second thing was the answer to the exercise. The feelings I felt were admiration, validation and confirmation. So I guess the question is then: what actions can I take that would give me validation? Hmmm… Any tips for that one? Reply Leir April 25, 2012 And now… that was the answer I was looking for. Thanks, LoGun. Really hit the nail on that one. For me, the hardest part was to figure out if I had to “stress” the old habit of caring about what other people think (the girl included) until I got so tired that it would disappear somehow. Turns out that I can change it whenever I want, then. I’ve been meditating daily – It’s still hard at first. But I am feeling slightly more concentrated than usual. If somebody (my situation) is so stressed about being accepted by the girl, this means one thing: I am looking for acceptance. While I can never guarantee that she will accept me, I am still looking for acceptance, no matter if it’s with her or the next girl. But (and here’s where your article came into it) if I found that acceptance somewhere else, I wouldn’t come with the same holdbacks, so I could focus on the girl. Still, I believe acceptance in my case is something quite vague. I gotta meditate about what Acceptance means to me. Keep cracking heads, mate. Cheers! Reply Mariano April 30, 2012 Me too, with acceptance there. I guess it boils down to getting our acceptance from ourselves. Reply Jake August 10, 2012 That’s it exactly! Reply Marcos April 25, 2012 Love it!! I wish I had this information 3 years ago when I first started to read about seduction. I have a girlfriend now but I still read these articles because I want to be able to talk with her freely without thinking what she thinks or what is she doing when we are not together. I can really feel a huge difference between us in those days when I’m in my head thinking way too much and in those days when I feel like nothing in the world can stop me and I do whatever I want LOL. Thank for Leigh Reply Leigh (LoGun) April 25, 2012 Great to hear you enjoyed it mate. I’ve been thinking about writing a series of articles about how to have an incredible relationship for all the guys who already have a girlfriend and want to make it amazing but I wasn’t sure if there were too many guys who wanted these. It seems as though there’s more guys out there than I thought. I’ll put something together when I get the chance. L. Reply leBear April 25, 2012 great idea! do that one, please! Breathe April 26, 2012 Even for people without a current partner, such a series could be valuable, as it would help us define more clearly what we want do or create. The attraction part is not to be ignored, but what lies beyond the attraction? (in terms of a relationship). Leigh (LoGun) April 27, 2012 I’ll put it on the list of articles I’m writing at the moment. It’s not no.1 but it’s on there. I’ll let you know as soon as I have something done. L. Marcos April 25, 2012 That would be great! I would go as far as to say that these concepts helped me not only to have better interactions with my GF or people in general, they also helped me in bed. Is when I’m worried about my performance that I usually come very fast (and feeling guilty). But if instead I’m focused on having a good time, I usually last longer, I feel like she is also more relaxed and if for some reason I come quick, I don’t feel bad about it Reply Armano April 26, 2012 Leigh, I need your help, I started dating a girl (first girlfriend) in the beginning it was all great, but it’s a while since then began making many emotional games with me: jealous, treat other guys well in my front, I never feeling jealous that way, tiha hit me like a punch. I keep thinking it 12:0 am a day. our relationship ta getting increasingly cold, but I’m too attached to it. Has this happened to you, you could help me? Thank you Reply J. Martinez April 29, 2012 Great article, Leigh. This should be included on a “best of” for sure! Reply Leigh (LoGun) April 29, 2012 This list is getting pretty long. We might have to make this into some kind of handbook I think… Reply Mariano April 30, 2012 Hey dude. I think this is one of the best, if not the best, articles in the blog. Clear, concise, direct, to the point. Problem, explanation, solution. Done. Love it! Just after reading it, I saw I had a pm from one of the guys in the Spanish forum, asking this same question. So to help him and also because I think this can’t go un-translated, I just finished translating it and put it up in the Spanish forum. So, uh, yeah. aWeSoMe!!!! Reply Victor February 4, 2013 I think there are 3 ways to stop worrying about others think about you (Furthermore these ways help you to be the man you want to be) 1: have so much emotional pain, suffer until you were that man. (Enjoy it) 2: Alcohol (I really dont recomend this) 3: Overcome the fear which don’t let you what you really want in this moment. In fact i am looking for something which were effective enough, because i am not the man of my dreams all the time. i writed right now a list of things that i think can help me: meditate, no pmo,etc… I am scared for die before be the man of my dreams, so i can’t stop doing things until i reach that. Reply Kasuni Samara August 29, 2013 Worrying, Worrying,….more Worrying about anything http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diJF-VQXbJY&list=PL75AC5BFB3DDD4CB8 Reply Zorba September 24, 2016 Just today, on the street I saw one of the most beautiful and cutest I have ever seen and just as I was about to approach her, I stood frozen. What stopped me? There were two guys walking a short distance behind her in the same direction. They would have seen me approach her, heard my opener and probably her response to it. That is what FUCKING STOPPED ME. I felt so shitty that I haven’t been able to shrug it off still, 7 hours later. That longing sensation and feeling of helplessness and defeat I felt is inexplicable. She really was hot, with amazing skin and beautiful legs. Oh gosh… I have been bashing myself senseless since then over why I cared so much about those guys thinking something judgmental about me/ laugh at me. But at that moment that feeling of paralysis was so strong..SO DAMN STRONG!! Had those guys not been around her, I can bet a million pounds I would have approached her for sure. Damn.. losing an opportunity like this sucks… The sting compares to very few pains.. 🙁 Reply J. Martinez September 29, 2016 Was the problem really that the feeling of paralysis stopped you, or that you allowed your anxiousness to distract you from taking the actions you wanted to take? Is the reason you did not approach her because the guy were physically there, or was the reason because you didn’t want to be embarrassed if she rejected you in front of them? 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