I Don’t Have My Shit Together.

I’ve been writing and talking a lot about areas of my life which are not working lately.

I find it interesting. I noticed I really enjoy having conversations with people where we both acknowledge that we don’t have all our shit together.

I call them the “what are you dealing with?” conversations.

Now, there are two types of “what are you dealing” with conversation you can have with people.

(I’ve already touched on to this idea in my Beginner’s Guide To Being Powerful post, and in this one I’ll explore it further).

One of these conversations will bond you and help you create connections with other people.

The other will repel people and make them want to run away from you as far as they can.

Here’s an example of the latter rhetoric, assembled in no particular order:

Someone asks you “How are you?” and you cough up like a furball:

“That person is pissing me off, thank God it’s Friday, I don’t want to go to work tomorrow, women are bitches, bloody idiots in traffic, my girlfriend is annoying me, he keeps doing this and it’s pissing me off, can you believe what he said?

And here’s an example of the former:

“How are you?”

“Great. You know, I’m noticing something about myself. I’m not very fulfilled by my job; I have a lot of people in my life who I ; women are still a puzzle to me; when I’m around them I notice this tendency to get nervous and not be myself; I have zero ability to save money; when I’m in traffic the smallest thing sets me off.

The difference is that in the former, you’re pretending that you have your shit together and are blaming something outside yourself for your frustration and pain..

And by doing that, you’re essentially trying to get another person’s support, which you’ll use as evidence to verify the “validity” of your perspective and feel momentarily good about yourself.

And in the latter, you’re taking responsibility for your frustration and pain. And by sharing it with another person you’re creating a space where you’re opening yourself up..

And in this instance you don’t need anything from that person; rather you’re offering them a part of you.

And moreover, you’re casting yourself as a human being who is interesting BECAUSE he doesn’t have all his shit together. Think back to all your childhood superheros and try to name one who is perfect. Who has all his shit together and has no vulnerabilities and weaknesses.

Can’t think of any, right?

That’s because a perfect hero is boring. What makes him interesting are his flaws; the possibility that he might fall down and the relatability it creates between you.

So why is it that we spend so much time pretending that we have our shit together? That we are so perfect and polished and untroubled and together?

So, I invite you to consider this: what are you dealing with at the moment? What in your life is not working for you as well as you want it to? I encourage you to take responsibility for it, share it with people and watch your interactions with people grow to a new level of depth.

Steven

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