I’m Glad This Isn’t Me Anymore…

went to the NY Philharmonic orchestra by himself because he loves classical music.

Lauren had planned to meet friends there but they cancelled so she ended up alone as well.

Mike and Lauren met and went on a date.

Mike thought it went well and tried to organise a second date with Lauren by calling her.

Lauren thought it was ‘Horrific’ and didn’t return his calls.

Mike wrote a 1600 word email to Lauren about their date, his feelings, and what he would like to happen next.

Lauren posted it on the internet.

You can read it here:


The thing that struck me as I was reading it is how similar I used to be.

It’s very clear that he just doesn’t get it. He doesn’t get women or attraction or what’s required to really turn a woman on.

And the fact that she described the date as horrific and he thought it was great tells me that he was stuck so far inside his head that he missed the real clues she was giving him.

I feel sorry for him. There’s obviously a lot of pain and confusion there. I hope she actually does reply and tell him that dating him was like dating a calculator.

It was all a mathematical equation.

We have things in common + you touched your hair + I have a good job + you looked me in the eyes = potential for long term relationship.

Sorry Mike, it just doesn’t work like that…

Sorry Leigh, it just doesn’t work like that…

There were many times when I thought the first date was really nice and thought a second date was guarantee.

We had great conversations, we laughed a bit, we talked about fun things, we had lots in common… I was sure it was going to be good enough.

It took me a long time to realise that women don’t want to date people they like. They want to date people they’re attracted to.

Being attracted to someone and thinking they’re nice are two totally separate things.

Women can be attracted to guys they hate.

They can also like guys they’re completely grossed out by the idea of sleeping with.

There’s a whole big rant I could go on here about the friend zone and attraction and why most guys never end up sleeping with the women they want, but I save that for a later date.


It took me a LONG time to realise that.

I hope that Mike realises it one day as well.

Here’s the article link again in case you missed it:


It’s a really interesting read.

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5 Responses

  1. J. Martinez

    YIKES! That was hard to read. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve written long emails like those before, but mine are always much more about feelings, but usually not after a first date. (That’s just wild to have so much invested in a first date…yikes). And usually only after we have been romantically involved for a while.

    But still, I used to have that same “you must hear what I have to say” thing going. I know what feelings motivated that email because I’ve had those same feelings in the past. It’s hard to read.

    I too am SOOooooo Thankful I’m free of that minefield of cluelessness. …VERY THANKFUL 🙂

  2. Zach

    I remember those days…. granted, I never wrote a letter THIS long, maybe some pathetic texts, but shit, hopefully this guy finds AI, lolz.

  3. Nudel

    There are two lines where I really had to laugh:

    “I assume that you no longer want to go out with me. (If you do want to go out with me, then you should let me know.)”

    “I spent time, effort, and money meeting you for dinner.”

    Seriously, I believe that without AI I’d end up like that as well.

  4. Nae

    i used to write poems to girls, and send them! to girls i never talked to, although we where in the same classroom… so i totally understand the guy..
    it’s good to know that AI is the only (first?) “dating site” that spotted that email. Nice catch, Leigh 😉

    P.S. wouldn’t it be fun if the email was sent by David Deangelo? ))


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