Is authenticity killing you game?

I know it’s easy to get caught up in the:

‘Authenticity is the secret seduction technique that I’ve been looking for’ band wagon.

But be VERY careful.

Walking up to a woman, laying it all on the table, and expecting her to drop her panties is just as big a waste of time as walking up to a woman, feeding her a bunch of rehearsed lines and routines, and expecting her to get on her knees.

Here’s why:

Authenticity isn’t attractive in itself. Only certain kinds of authenticity are attractive to women.

It’s pretty obvious when you think about it.

If your authentic expression of yourself is to bitch, complain, moan, and cry about how tough your life is, do you really think in demand, beautiful, radiant women are going to want to be around you?

No, and neither do I.

In fact, if a woman was interested in me after I cried about how my daddy never loved me and the big kids used to pick on me at school, I’d be seriously worried.

Being authentic with women is only going to help you attract women if that authenticity is attractive. And needy, dependent whinging is never attractive.

“So how do I make my authenticity attractive?”

Good question.

Attracting women is as simple as being able to help them have the kinds of experiences they desire – certainty, strength, safety, excitement, appreciation, etc…

If you can give a woman the experience she desires, then she’ll want to spend more time around you. If you can’t, she won’t.

Simple as that.

But here’s the trick: you can’t help her experience anything that you can’t experience yourself.

You can’t make her feel safe and secure if you’re worried about what’s going to happen next.

You can’t make her feel excited and challenged if excitement and challenge are two things you run from.

You can’t take her on an emotional roller-coaster whilst still standing strong and proud in front of her if you run from your emotions.

Being authentic with women and having that authenticity be naturally attractive to women starts with feeling strong, powerful, fulfilled and confident in your world and getting to a place where you can share that freely and openly.

“But how do I do that?”

Even better question. And here’s the very obvious (once you think about it) answer:

You can’t experience fulfilment if you don’t know what you find fulfilling.

You can’t experience power if you don’t know what makes you feel powerful.

You can’t experience excitement if you don’t know what excites you.

The journey to being authentically attractive starts with one very important step: knowing yourself.

If you don’t know what you desire, where you’re going, what you’re passionate about, and what scares you, you can never become a naturally attractive man.

So, if you’re not naturally attracting the women you want, start here:

Discover what you truly want.

Find your core desires.

Uncover your passions.

Set yourself a powerful platform that the strong, confident, and free ‘you’ can emerge from.

And let women all over the world experience your attractive authenticity.

 

 

L.

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16 Responses

  1. Roy

    Leigh, i guess this relates to The Script that i have read in endgame…but i have a trouble knowing myself as i was in the ‘getting’ pathway for quite sometime. Hence, even in simple social situation i find myself in a validation-seeking mode that it becomes natural. in the book, you said focussing internally instead of externally plays an important point. from that focus, how does the process of finding oneself develop? Could you give an example from your own process? What experience did you go through to becoming the you that is now that does not need anything from the world and able to self generate happiness on your own? Coz i’m having trouble applying it to social situation.

    Reply
    • Leigh (LoGun)

      It’s all in Endgame – specifically in The Script.

      How do you feel? How do you want to feel? How do you bridge that gap in a way that puts you in control?

      For me, the big thing I was chasing in social situations was freedom. The problems I was facing was that I was trying to expereince freedom through getting other peoples permission to be free. Once I realised this and stopped looking for something that someone else couldn’t actually give me, and just started giving it to myself, I stopped caring what other people thought.

      They had nothing I needed so they didn’t matter any more.

      So, for you, you need to work out what you’re chasing, how you’re trying to get it, and how you can find it in a way that puts you in control.

      Does that help?

      Reply
  2. Roy

    How do we develop an authentic personality yet also being emphatic to adapt to the social situation?

    Reply
    • Leigh (LoGun)

      What if you authentically wanted to be able to help others around you have a good time? Do you think that would allow you to authentically adapt?

      Reply
  3. Roy

    ok it is clearer now..so when i break everything down it comes down to what i’m chasing and how i’m trying to experience it…i think the hard part is fluctuating between the state of lower consciousness to cementing that higher consciousness…i get easily sucked into people’s reaction or their perceived status in my mind…an over valuation of people i guess which stems from an undervaluation of myself…i wanna feel like i’m enough but i get distracted easily…

    Reply
  4. david

    I always sorta knew this intuitively but you put it so eloquently. This post is a good reason why you shouldn’t be focused on women when you’re not living the life you desire.

    Reply
  5. Leir

    Hey Leigh. Good post. That’s what explains why honesty is so good to some people, and why for some it just doesn’t work. It’s about the “Whys”, not the “Hows,” right?

    One thing that always put me lost in scripting is: when we are searching for the feelings, are we trying to feel like that, or to experience it in our lives somehow?

    I know this question seems strange, so I’ll add an example:

    1) I want to feel LOVED. <- this implies that someone is trying to feel this feeling necessarely from something outside him. It could be from having parents who love him, friends who love him, girls who love him, etc

    and

    2) I want to feel LOVE. <- This implies to feel the feeling itself in his life. The difference around here is that this could be generated in his life by the moment he starts doing things that he believes it generates love. He doesn't care about the origin: be it someone, or something he likes to do, or anything like that. He just wants the feeling in his life.

    Question is: we're looking for having the feeling in our lives, or to receiving it from something/somewhere?

    Each time I filled it with "I want to feel loved," for instance, it already threw me that I needed to have it from somewhere outside me, and out of control.

    I'm sorry if I made this complicated, but for me, it seems that there's a big difference in how you fill the Script by doing this.

    Thanks,
    Leir

    Reply
    • Leigh (LoGun)

      Hey mate,

      You’re confusing expereince and pathway here. I’ll use the example of ‘power’ here because it’s easier to explain.

      You can expereince power by controlling other people.

      You can experience by proving how much stronger / tougher / cooler than you are than other people.

      You can experience power by persuading someone to do something for you.

      Or you can expereince power by pushing through your barriers.

      All of them lead to an expereince of power and the challenges you face in life are going to be determined by which one (pathway) you choose.

      Does that make sense?

      Reply
      • Leir

        Yeah, I think it does, but when we fill the script, there are some feelings that seem abstract to experience from somewhere else, like “love,” “care,” “connectedness,” for example.

        How someone will feel cared, loved and connected from internally? Can’t things be different if someone tries to create this feelings by generating love, care and connection?

      • Leigh (LoGun)

        It’s not about feeling them internally, it’s about finding ways to experience them that put you in control.

        You can try and feel connected by pretending to be someone you’re not to get approval from other people.

        You can try and experience connection by talking about logical information and waiting for other people to open up to you emotionally before you dive deep.

        Or, you can try and expereince connection by opening up, sharing yourself, and finding other people who’re willing to meet you at that depth.

        Which sounds like it’s going to put you more in control?

  6. Gon

    Hi LoGun, can you clarify something? When your authenticity is killing your game, it is because the path that you chose is related to a needy and dependant state?
    By the way, nice to meet (or talk to) you

    Reply

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