My Most Embarrassing Approach…

Sure, stories of success and victory are amazing.

It’s great to hear about guys reaching new heights and making big strides forward.

But I also know just how much you guys love to hear about failure and tails of woe. So, to give you your daily fill, I present:


My Most Embarrassing Approach…


I couldn’t begin to tell you how many women I’ve approached.

It’d be in the hundreds, if not thousands.

Some have gone spectacularly well – with smiles, laughs, arm touches, phone numbers, and more.

Others have crashed and burned. And in a very public way.

Including, the time I…

– Approach a cute girl as she was leaving a dance party and had her yell “Get LOST!” at the top of her lungs
– Asked two people to move aside so I could approach a very cute blonde, then after talking to her for a minute, realised the two people I passed through to get to her were her mum and her dad. And she was 16.
– Stumbled and fumbled my way to a “No, please leave me alone” whilst talking to a woman, surrounded by ten guys, in the middle of a dead quiet book store in the middle of the day.

But none have been more embarrassing than the one day I saw the girl of my dreams, strolling casually with a few friends, as if through a fantasy.

I approach her and poured my heart out without a single moment of hesitation. She then proceeded to tear it apart in a very violent and ugly way. She was laughing, her friends were laughing, the people walking past were laughing, everyone was laughing, except for me.

I’ll never forget that days. Actually, those days…

The most embarrassing part about this is that it’s happened hundreds of times in the most embarrassing locations. Over and over again… It’s like a bad movie stuck on repeat with no way to escape the cinema.

Embarrassing day after embarrassing day.

But, funnily enough, it’s also never happened once. Ever.

Not a single time.

Because it only happened in my head.

This was the story that used to run through my brain every time I saw the girl of my dreams. It was the series of situations and events that I made up out of thin air without it ever having any grounding in reality.

It was the thoughts, assumptions, and blind guesses that I dreamed up in the split second between when I saw the radiant and beautiful creatures that passed through my life and when I decided to take action.

It wasn’t based on fact or past experience.

It was based off imaginary situations created by feelings of inadequacy and fear.

It was those small moments, when all the fear, all the embarrassment, all the pain, and all the frustration I could ever expereince happened.

Before I fell for her, everything was fine. I was living my life, enjoying myself, having a grand time.

When I took action, I didn’t have time to imagine so because I was too busy expressing, sharing, listening, and playing.

But in that tiny little second, that very moment when time stood still and the whole world of possible failures ran through my head, that’s when everything went wrong.

That was my most embarrassing approach.


“So what are you saying?”

The hardest, most embarrassing, scariest approach you will EVER do in your entire life happens inside your head.

It’s not in a nightclub. It’s not in a bookstore. It’s not in the park in the middle of the say whilst she’s eating lunch with her co-worker and the woman from the office two floors above.

It’s in the split second from when you first see her to when you first open your mouth to say “Hi…”

It’s that tiny moment from when you realise that you’re attracted to her and you decide actually take action.

That’s where the pain exists. That’s where the doubt exists.

It’s not once you’re standing in front of her. It’s not once you’ve opened your mouth and you’re having a conversation. It’s in the space between ‘Shit, she’s hot. I’d really like to meet her’ and “Hi, my name’s…” because that’s when you can imagine all the potential problems you have no way of dealing with.

But they don’t exist and they don’t happen. I have the experience to prove it.

I’ve done and coached guys through thousands of approaches. Literally, thousands. Do you know how many have ended with the woman yelling at the guy?

One. And that was me approaching a girl who was clearly on drugs that I wasn’t attracted to because I wanted to impress my friends.

Do you know how many have ended in physical violence?

Go on, guess.


Your imagination is so much worse than reality. MUCH worse.

Anyone who’s had the balls to push past that mental barrier can tell you that.

In the dark confines of your mind, there are an unlimited amount of problems you can face that you have no idea how to solve.

That’s when it’s possible for her to punch you in the mouth. That’s when it’s possible for her to spinning heel kick you in the throat. That’s when it’s possible for her boyfriend to jump out from behind a pole with a ninja sword, chop your arm off at the shoulder and use it to beat you to death.

But this just doesn’t happen in reality.


The obvious question now is: “Well, how do I deal with this?”

The answer is even more obvious: Shorten the time between thinking ‘she’s really hot’ and saying “Hi, my name is…”

Seriously. That’s it.

Don’t stand around. Don’t think about it. Don’t assess, discuss, imagine, or debate.

Just. Take. Action.

Get those feet moving.

Don’t sit around wondering what you should do or how you should do it.

Don’t wait till the ‘perfect moment’ when everyone around her is looking the other direction and she’s tearing her panties off whilst begging you to climb inside her.

Just start walking towards her and just start talking.

ANY action is better than getting stuck in your head trying to come up with improbable solutions to impossible situations.

If you’re going to create a rich and rewarding life, you’re going to encounter beautiful, attractive women. You can’t avoid them.

And when you see them, you’re going to create imaginary scenarios filled with rejection, anger, and dragons (maybe).

If you want to eliminate the pain and doubt that comes with your negative thoughts, reduce the amount of time you have to think.

When you’re taking action, there’s no opportunity to think about this. You’re in the moment, you’re walking, listening and replying. There’s no imaginary embarrassment to avoid because you don’t have time to imagine.


In Conclusion…

The most embarrassing, most difficult, approach you will ever do happens inside your head in the split seconds between when you feel the attraction and you open your mouth to say “Hi.”

To eliminate this, shorten that time by taking action. Walk towards her, open your mouth, say what you’re thinking, and let the chips fall where they may.

At worst, you’re going to get an indifferent “Thanks…” At best, you could meet the girl of your dreams.

What do you have to loose?


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11 Responses

  1. Sean

    Good stuff. I think the problem with me is I get caught up thinking too much and similarily when I’m doing activies I’m lazing around too much. But once you do it that momentum keeps you forward and flowing.

    I just gotta transverse this to the way i relate to people.

  2. Risky

    Great post!

    I’ve heard this before.

    But I can’t get it out of my head ignore the guy or guys she is without as I am a bit cautious of getting into a fight.

    Help beat this mentality out of my head Leigh!

      • Zach

        I think he means that he’s worried about approaching women who are with guys as he’s worried they might be her boyfriend or try to beat him up.

        He wants help to not have to worry about these guys and to just go up and talk to her anyway regardless of imaginary scenarios he creates.

      • Leigh (LoGun)

        Ahh… Ok. That sounds good. I’ll wait for him to confirm but if that’s the question, I have the perfect answer.

      • Risky

        Hi Guys,

        Thanks Zach – Yes thats what I meant!

        Growing up in the west I always hear guys say “if I ever see a guy chatting up my girlfriend (or sister), I’ll smash the f’ing shit out of him” and it happened to a mate of mine who approached someones fiance and have him burst in going ballistic.

        Even though I’ve never have had it happen personally and stories about it happenning are rare (the incident with my friend is actually the one and only) but it still holds me back when I’m out.

        Your thoughts?


      • Leigh (LoGun)

        You’re right mate. It can happen. It has happened before and I’m sure it’ll happen again. The question you need to think about is:

        Am I going to let the INCREDIBLY slim possibility that some douchebag is going to take offence at what I’m doing stop me from living the life I want?

        I’ve met a LOT of women in my life and I’ve never had this happen to me. In my experience confident, strong, loving women don’t hang out with guys like that.

        Just my 2c.


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