My New Addiction (Dating Tips).

I developed a bit of an addiction lately and it has me worried.

I recently subscribed to a couple of those ‘Dating Tips’ newsletters sent out by those ‘dating gurus’ to see what wisdoms they have to offer these days.

And I’m hooked!

For the past few weeks I’ve spent half hour or so each day reading over the ocean of ‘dating tips’ and ‘pickup methods’ that seem to now pour into my inbox each day.

And a couple of observations are in order.

The first thing I noticed is how COMPLEX it all seems.

Pumping state, pumping buying temperature, building social proof, demonstrating value, natural game, nightcame, daygame, endgame … aargh.

Now, I don’t mean to sound like I’m somehow above learning those lines and tricks.

On the contrary even – I often use them as a fun addition to my game, kinda like sprinkling a handful Hundreds and Thousands on a cake to REALLY set it off and make ‘kids’ light up at the sight of me like I’m a big, rich cheesecake that just must be eaten.

But relying on little ‘lines’ and tricks to connect all the dots from the ‘open’ all the way to bedroom?

Or, further still, to a relationship?

Hmm…

You know what – is is possible. And it if works for you, fine go nuts – who am I to tell you to do anything otherwise?

I can only tell you why I decided to go deeper than the sprinkles on the cake.

First, I was suffering from a massive conversion problem.

———–
DEFINITION:

Conversion Problem: having to approach 20-30 women to ‘physical’ with 1 of them whilst holding a belief close to heart that a leap in improvement is just around the corner.
———–

So, most of the women I approached were either simply not interested from the start or flaked soon after.

Second, when I did meet an amazing woman I really liked and wanted to date, I gamed her to ‘get her’ , but then I had no idea how to ‘keep’ her.

At some stage in the relationship the games become easy to spot, and it takes a lot more than just a bit of light kino and ‘demonstrating value’ to keep it all together.

And how can you build something really special together when the only thing that drew you close was an act? All while the ‘real’ you underneath is so scared to show his face to her because he fears that he is not inherently ‘attractive’ enough.

My point: I moved to ‘inner game’ because I found that for me doing ‘outer game’ ONLY was an exercise in futility which lead to one of two dead ends, both of which resulted in woman losing interest in me. Either very quickly, or very slowly and painfully.

So, if you’re stuck in that rut as well, could be time to look at your inner game.

Allow me to use a metaphor:

It’s time to stop shovelling piles of Hundreds and Thousands down women’s throats and time to feed them rich, tasty cheesecake that you are, with a sprinkle of the colourful stuff on top – so that they love you from the moment you open your mouth, and keep coming back to you.

Outer game is the Hundreds and Thousands. Inner game is the cake. Don’t be distracted by the bright colours and forget about the cake.

Onwards.

The other thing I noticed is 99% of the ‘Dating Tips’ emails I got from these ‘Gurus’ had fairly different content .. yet disturbingly SIMILAR message underneath.

It follows a very similar kind of pattern. Something like this:

– ‘Guru’ reminds you that sticking your weener into a girl is a nice thing to do. Sometimes the guru will build more desire in you by telling a story from his own past, or a ‘success story’ of an alleged client.

– ‘Guru’ shows you some methods you can use to build social proof / spike value / shift emotions in a woman to put her into a state where she is more prone to allowing you to stick your weener into her.

– ‘Guru’ advises you to attempt to stick your weener into her.

– ‘Guru’ shows you to work around her objections when/if she declines.

My question is – when are we going to step up from being a bunch of boys who are running around, trying to stick our weeners into pretty girls and start being men?

The type of men whose every move is grounded in purpose and is perfectly calculated and calibrated – and women can sense that MASCULINITY from this man from a mile away and will run over each other in their spiky little heels just to get in the vicinity of him so that he may say ‘hi’ to her?

Just a thought, really.

Let me give you some out-takes from these ‘Dating Tips’.

“Here are some things a man do on a first date to guarantee that a woman will want to invite him “upstairs” when the date is finished.”

My Question:

Perhaps the ‘things’ a man can do begin WAY before he goes on a date with this woman, so that he truly is the kind of man who this woman wants to take upstairs, and not a pretender who is just trying to use a few tricks to get her into bed?

Next:

“We’re guessing the strong, silent types rarely picked up women in bars. So, be prepared to talk way more than is natural for you during the pickup process.”

But This:

“The act of doing something for a girl that you wouldn’t normally do, in the hopes of getting affection from her in return is called “supplication”.

My Question:

Have you considered that strong, silent types don’t need to go to bars and clubs to pick up because they attract women everywhere they go? And, am I to understand that I am to pretend to be someone I’m not to facilitate the ‘pickup process’? And, doesn’t that make going out and spitting out a line after line in hope of ‘sparking attraction’ the same old SUPPLICATION that you were doing when you were a ‘nice guy’, albeit dressed in different robes?

Here’s A Good One:

“If you act like you’re old friends, she’ll act friendly to you. If you act like an awkward stranger, well, prepare for an awkward night.”

My Response:

Try telling a guy who is about to approach a hottie and who is crippled with anxiety and who has 1400 thoughts along the lines of ‘what do I say next??’ swarming around his head not to ‘act’ like an ‘awkward stranger’ and watch him implode.

And Last, But Not Least:

“Everyone has certain stories they like to tell over and over. That’s all a routine is. It’s material that has been proved to get a good reaction time and time again, that’s all.”

My Response:

Everyone tells stories. But everyone’s purpose for telling the story is different. Some may tell stories because they have something to GIVE to the party. Others tell stories because they want to impress, prove something, or ‘spike their value’ or whatver. In other words, they want to TAKE something. Whilst the words of ‘GIVERS’ and ‘TAKERS’ may be the same, their vibe will be completely different.

Want to have people respond to you? Learn to GIVE. And I’m not talking about falling into the trap of ‘Oh, I’m going to go give this woman a sincere complement now’ kind of giving. That’s conditional giving, and it’s done to get a certain reaction out of her. In other words, it’s TAKING.

And I’ll go into unconditional giving in more detail in my next blog post.

 

Steven

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