Overcoming Your Ego: 3 Simple Steps

This is one for all the spiritual guys out there.

The evils of the Ego gets a lot of attention from all the spiritual teachers out there.

The Ego has been blamed for everything from the breakdown of relationships to creating wars! But no-one’s really given you a game plan to both identify and overcome it.

So, what I’m going to give you today is an easy, step by step guide to overcoming the Ego.

 

Step 1: Identify

The Ego is a little difficult for most people to identify. Most literature on it identifies symptoms of the Ego without really cutting to the core.

The literature identifies arrogance, stubbornness, fear of judgement, fear of failure, amongst others, but it misses the key point.

All of these elements have one core element in common: they only occur when you’re dependent on the external environment to feel the way you want to feel.

When you rely on the other peoples perceptions to feel good, then you’re going to fear judgement, you’re going to fear failure, you’re going to fight to prove a point that you know is wrong, and you’re going to try and blame others for your situation in life.

This is what’s at the core of the Ego: being dependent on the external environment to feel the way you want to feel.

I go into depth about this in Endgame. You can read about it as part of the free section of Endgame that you can download it for free here: www.attractioninstitute.org/book/free-chapter

I refer to it as Getting in Endgame but you could easily substitute that name for The Ego.

 

Step 2: Understand

You don’t just do this out of habit. There’s a reason you’re fighting and struggling to make the external environment give you what you want:

You currently don’t have what you want.

You currently don’t feel the way you want to feel.

If you felt satisfied, fulfilled, happy, and complete, you wouldn’t be relying on anything to make you feel the way you want to feel.

It’s only because you don’t feel the way you want to that your Ego is even rearing it’s head.

Think about it:

If you felt deeply connected to people around you, would you really care what other people’s opinions were?

If you felt powerful, strong, and free, would you really care if you didn’t get the exact outcome you wanted?

There’s only one reason that your Ego is sticking it’s head into your business and that’s because you don’t feel the way you want to.

The way to overcome your ego for good is to feel the way you want to feel so the Ego becomes unnecessary.

When you feel the way you want to feel, you’ll stop needing anything from the world around you. Simple.

 

Step 3: Transform

If the ego is the part of yourself that relies on the external environment to feel the way you want to feel, and it only occurs because you don’t currently feel the way you want to feel, then what do you do?

Go on, guess.

When you think about it, it’ll be very obvious.

………

………

………

Come on.

………

………

………

The way to overcome the Ego and all it’s inherent limitations is to find a way to feel the way you want to feel, that doesn’t rely on the external environment.

When you can feel the way you want to fee, regardless of what’s going on around you, then you wont have to deal with the symptoms of the Ego because it simply wont exist.

By doing this, you remove the foundation of the ego, thus making it vanish.

There are two different pathways to experiencing everything you want, regardless of what’s going on around you. I call them Doing and Creating.

Whilst I would love to go into depth about them now, it takes me nearly 30 pages to do so in Endgame so I’m afraid it’s not possible, so here’s a quick overview of Doing.

Doing is learning to find what you’re looking for through the actions you take, rather than the outcomes of those actions.

For example: Say you currently feel powerless and want to feel powerful, there are many different ways you could do it.

You could try and make people do tasks for you.

You could try and make yourself look better than them by putting them down.

You could try and hide the parts of yourself that you think are inferior and accentuate the parts that you think are superior.

The limitation of all of these is that they rely on other peoples actions or responses to determine how you feel. The limitation of all of these is that they’re operating from the Ego.

But these aren’t the only ways to feel powerful.

You could push through a big fear and do something that scares you.

You could take an action that challenge yourself to do something that you didn’t think was possible for you to do.

Both of these would allow you to feel powerful without you having to rely on how the external environment responds to you. You’d be independent.

Obviously, this is a VERY brief overview of Doing so, if you want to get a thorough understanding of everything you can do to overcome your Ego for good, you can get your own copy of Endgame here:

www.attractioninstitute.org/book/endgame

In it, I go into explicit depth about the different pathways, how they function, and then most importantly, what you can do to transition between them.

 

Step 4: Critique

The ego is such a widely debated topic that I’m sure some of you out there have an opinion on this.

I’d love to hear it.

Please share your thoughts below.

What’s missing? Where does this theory fall down? Let me have it!

L.

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27 Responses

  1. Ben

    What if you’re bored and unfulfilled? Or, maybe you’re neither of these. What if you’re for the most part content, but you’re lacking a feeling of thrill- enthusiasm?

    How could you attain this through Doing?

    Reply
      • Leigh (LoGun)

        Ok, so if you’re bored and unfulfilled, you obviously have a desire that isn’t being met. What do you want to experience? And what actions could you take to experience it?

    • Joseph

      Being content is not pushing yourself when you are capable of more, its like hiding behind laziness. That is why you feel like you are missing excitement. Don’t fall into the trap of complacency through the guise of contentment.

      Reply
  2. Hugos

    Great article. But for me the most difficult part is to know what i want to experience(the ones i think i know are only in the surface). I read all your books but i don´t know yeat. I really want to do GetReal to resolve this, but my english is not good yeat for conversations. Do you have a easier way to find “what you want to experience ?”

    Reply
      • Joseph

        You cannot split apart those questions. Not at first. Once you do selfless actions for people to the point where you crave it over the “What’s in it for me” fixation in our culture today then you can ask that question. What you’ve been shown around you growing up and what you assimilate as an infant is your sense of self. You lose your sense of unity because self is imposed upon you. That is your ego, it’s a lie at birth that works very hard to tell you that you are separate from the whole. So what you want and what your ego wants is the same thing. The opposite is what is best for everyone and what is best for me.

  3. J. Martinez

    (The paradox here is that ego is all too often equated with “I,” so what follows may seem contradictory because I am using “I” & “me” statements. The “I” is not a thing…its an idea.)

    My “problem” with the ego is the sheer idea of it in the first place. The idea that there is this “something” inside us that directs our motivations seems to limit the possibilities of connecting deeply with others.

    If there is always this “something more” inside, that most people seem to believe is the case, then we may fight a losing battle attempting to “get” to this mythical “inside” of each other when we connect.

    That’s what I dislike about any theory that presupposes there is an “ego” to begin with. That is, that there is “something more” inside, like some THING, some locatable thing inside that guides are deepest desires. And, as such, connecting with others at a deep level becomes a doomed effort.

    I’d much rather offer an alternative view that is solely and completely rooted in feelings, emotions, and existence. Sensations do not need an ego; they just happen. Emotions do not need an ego; they just happen. The “ego” is a retroactive concept that comes only after the experience of some emotional response. It is an idea born of conscious “reflection,” an mental artifact of a more primary experience. This is well described in Jean Paul Sartre’s “Emotions” and the “Transcendence of the Ego” books.

    To be human is to feel. Connection need not seek “something more” deep in the other because we always meet at the level of experience and feelings. We can feel and sense what it is that is “going on” in other people’s worlds, without having to perform espionage on them. It is there, on their body, in their voice, within their eyes and face.

    The life I live is rooted in the pursuit of feelings and sensations. When I do not get what I desire, I feel “blocked” and frustrated, but those are not “ego” reactions, those are yet more sensations. The ego is not necessary as a “concept.”

    Reply
    • Jorge

      OK. I think you got a good point here. “Ego” doesnt exist, it´s just an idea, it doesn´t do anything and as you said is not necessary as a concept. “Ego” is just the image that I have about myself. But it´s always me who is doing something.Anyway, Leigh goes to the main point that I couldnt find anywhere else before:

      “The way to overcome the Ego and all it’s inherent limitations is to find a way to feel the way you want to feel, that doesn’t rely on the external environment.

      When you can feel the way you want to feel, regardless of what’s going on around you, then you wont have to deal with the symptoms of the Ego because it simply wont exist.

      By doing this, you remove the foundation of the ego, thus making it vanish.”

      “Ego” is already vanished, I mean it´s not vanished, It doesnt exist!! Never existed!! But the good point is: You must not depend on external circumstances or outcomes to feel good (nor to feel bad).

      I didnt read End Game yet but I think that´s the main point and I am grateful for that. I’m writing this just because I thing you are right, but it doesnt mean that Leigh is wrong, he’s right too. (sorry if my english is not good)

      Reply
    • Pianoman888

      I agree with you, but at the same time I don’t. What I see the ego as is pre-programmed mental/emotional responses to what goes on around us. In a way, it is like a separate “thing”, because when people are still trapped in those auto-responses they’re not truly the ones acting, the mental/emotional patterns are, but at the same time it’s not a separate “thing”, because it’s still a part of them. The reason I think they say the ego is a separate thing is to get people to disidentify from the patterns, to realize that they are something that can be changed and forgotten.

      It is fighting a losing battle when trying to connect with those responses going, because with those responses there, it’s not truly “me” who’s doing the talking, I’m off in my head somewhere. It’s those same patterns I’ve set up running the show. Whenever I drop those responses and needs to get things from the external environment, and get into my body and out of my head, then I am truly present with someone else and able to connect. Does that make sense?

      Reply
  4. Marcio

    question: Understanding the ego, it goes in depth in Endgame right??

    That section is brief but really powerful!!

    Reply
  5. Mario

    Yeah Pianoman888 I can definitely see what you mean. The ‘ego’ meaning the same automatic mental/ emotional responses and patterns we’ve been running. These patterns often surface, during or following strong emotional responses such as frustration, loneliness etc i.e when we don’t experience what we want from the external environment.

    You go out of your head, and your on autopilot and the patterns ie your ego starts running the show, as you try and get what you want from the external environment. It’s not truly you doing what you want, because it’s as you say “you trying to get out of your head and in to your body” so you can truly be present and express what’s truly real for you.

    It’s funny how your “ego” can be activated with one person and yet at the same time you can be fully present with another person. When you don’t get what you want from one person your mental/ emotional patterns activate and until you realize what you’re doing and go about another way of experience what you want, it can be quite difficult to be present and be the real you without having to fight through a jungle of emotional responses and patterns.

    Yet with that other person you’re effortlessly free and real.

    Really interesting ideas everyone!

    Reply
    • J. Martinez

      Right! The ego is only an idea. It is not a thing. The sheer idea that it can be a thing, is the only issue I have because I feel that notion of “something else” behind the eyes can mislead our pursuit of connection. If there is “something else” other than what I feel and sense about a person I’m wanting to connect with, then I’m more likely to fell like I “never really” know the other.

      But, all this being said, the way that Leigh uses the ego idea is useful. When you feel your “ego” being attacked, unfulfilled, or bruised, that is really just another way of diagnosing what it is about your world that you’d like to change.

      The A.I. “ego” is not a Freudian one, nor even the “ego” of most everyday talk. It is not “inside” you, it is a “you” that is always ahead of yourself in your core desires and comes to “awareness” in those moments when those desires are being unfulfilled.

      Call it “ego”? Sure. But it is not inside you. The ego is a hi-story, your actions and pursuit of core desires are the adventure.

      Reply
  6. oz

    Definetly agree with your three steps.

    In my point of view the 2nd & 3rd step become very obvious, if you reach a point in your life where you feel that your emotional reactions to certain things and happenings aren’t the only way to react to them.

    I compare the ego with a an ancient horse-vehicle. You think the horse is wild and do what he wants and you have no control over the direction.

    As soon as you understand or realise more about yourself and start to take the reins of the horse in your own hands and prove to yourself that your ego was there for a certain reason then your ego will help you to move forward with your life and let the past be the past. A past that will help you in every present moment to live a more fullfilling and passionate life.

    Reply
  7. Leigh (LoGun)

    I completely agree with you J-Man.

    Whilst I didn’t explicitly state it, the point of the post was to show you that the ego isn’t a physical ‘thing’, it’s a name for a mechanism.

    It’s a way of doing things.

    It’s like driving to the shops following a particular path.

    If you want to avoid the issues that come with driving to the shops that way(traffic, lights, etc…), you just need to find a different way to get there.

    Sitting at home bitching about the fact that you need to eat or that there’s traffic in the way isn’t going to do anything. The only thing that’s going to resolve the issue is to find a new way to the shops.

    It sounds right in my head. I hope it makes sense.

    Reply
  8. Nae

    When i first read this article – i didn’t felt it completely… now, when i have some “ego troubles” it goes in to their core.
    Thanks again, “Sensei” )

    Reply
  9. Arnold

    Is the man in the picture (with the crown) the same guy as the man from megaupload.com??

    Reply
  10. brandon b.

    Congratulations, you just got a new subscriber/member for just getting to the damn point and saying it lol. Seriously, you have no idea how many articles, pages, books, concepts, etc. I had to go through for this one last piece of information, for how long. Can finally get real peace now.

    As for the other comments, keep in mind I’m no expert in the mind nor metaphysics but…..don’t outright abandon your ego quite just yet.

    Yes, it is a hindrance. A very, very annoying hindrance. But it does exist for a reason. Being at peace with it is key… you have to be in harmony with it, not suppress it (and I stress this point) nor attempt to ignore or undermind it. From there, you can decide what works in the reality of things or if it is still a necessary part of your life.

    The ego essentially exists (and thus persists if it has been successful in the past or in similar scenerios) because of a culmination of events in a person’s past, particularly early childhood. Wasn’t even sold on the theory until I read about enneagram personalities, but still… it is, more importantly,rooted into a person’s logic and rationality towards the world as well. If you don’t fully understand rationality, look it up, but it’s essentially what makes humans human, along with the ego as a whole…

    *If you read nothing else here, read this; you’ll lose touch with reality if you completely abandon or reject the ego, especially with improper knowledge. Don’t do it.*

    That said, some commenters (that sound similar to me a year ago) were wondering how to feel a feeling of thrill or enjoyment….to live may very well be to suffer as well, but the ultimate point of life is to act. Doing, as he put it. The mind and the internal are the foundation, but the body and the external are what you do with that foundation. You have to address that foundation, and find what’s missing and what has meaning for yourself…. but from there you just have to let your instincts guide you to what truly makes you happy (without the ego’s protection, of course). Outside of that, you’ll just have to take a chance, go with ur gut, “go get lost in the darkness”, and experience life.

    Reply
    • Leigh (LoGun)

      Glad you liked it mate. I often find that some people make this concept so confusing and complicated when all that needs to be done is drille everything back to it’s core.

      Good to hear it worked for you.

      Reply
  11. DecisionTime

    Yeah, I’m digging up old shit.

    As I assume many of you did, I started down this path in order to remove the negative elements of my life. If we were to call this “destroying the ego,” we could arrive at a definition of the ego as that which creates suffering and then we have something to go off of. Whether or not the ego is a thing or an idea doesn’t matter – it’s just a term people use to try to target the parts of themselves that cause suffering. I actually think that the ego is both a thing (what’s a thing anyway?) and an idea or, at least, it exists in the realm of ideas. The self-concepts that maintain it (loosely referred to as patterns by several people above) are ideas and the tension that maintains it exists in the physical world so it is a thing.

    http://www.attractioninstitute.com-forums/essentials/everything-you-ever-needed-to-know-about-anything-t10736.html#p46180

    On the topic of whether the ego is internal or external, an important question is “who am I?” The one thing that we can’t separate ourselves from is awareness. If I cut off my leg, I am still me (although I’m probably writhing in pain) so I know I’m not my leg. Likewise, I can have different thoughts, moods, desires, etc., but still be me. However, when I go into deep sleep, for all practical purposes, that time does not exist in my life. I can “rationally” determine that I existed during deep sleep but it is through assumptions and observations made while awake. While I’m actually asleep, there’s no me there from my own perspective because I have no perspective. Descartes said “I think, therefore I am,” as evidence of his existence – in other words, simply asking whether one exists (and really, awareness of anything) is evidence of existence. Yes, I realize that that explanation is a little messy but I’m just trying to intercept any potential naysayers.

    I define the ego as that which separates the internal observer (awareness) from the already-known truth. I call it “already-known” because the revelations that come from closing that distance generally feel like remembering as opposed to new observations. Another way to look at it is that the ego’s most fundamental feature is to compromise the truth of observation. Observation, in the absence of critique, e.g. “maybe I’m dreaming and my observations aren’t real,” is stand-alone truth. For example, if you love your girlfriend, you know that you love her because you directly observe the feeling within yourself. However, if you doubted that feeling by saying, for example, “maybe I’m just infatuated,” the truth of it diminishes. The point of this paragraph and the last is that the ego is external to awareness although the two are obviously related.

    To the original article, I don’t really disagree, but I think you have stopped short. I’m not totally positive how this issue resolves itself because I’m not fully there myself, but the point is that the external environment includes everything that is external to awareness, including thoughts, feelings, desires, etc. I think the resolution to this issue is that when you reduce your identification to awareness itself (some call this “the ‘I am'”) and surrender everything external to it, you cease to doubt yourself because you remove the energy that creates that doubt. By removing that energy and identifying only as awareness, you recognize your nature as truth itself. Once you have identified with awareness, there is a new reality to not only your thoughts, feelings, and desires, but the entirety of the world you live in so that everything is an extension of you although they will always remain secondary to that awareness. This new reality of perception exists because you have fully embraced the fact that the truth that you see is the only truth that exists within your reality and your reality is the only reality that exists (for you). I think these features of awareness are the real meaning behind Jesus’ statement, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.” It’s an exciting and terrifying thing.

    Reply
  12. Vinay Sipani

    Thank you
    This was helpful…After a long time,i came to know the mistake of my whole life .

    Reply
  13. Nafeela

    i loved it. a real piece ofcourse. i went through a lost of pos but this what satisfied me. i am in the initial process of dealing my ego. this had helped me a great deal. thank you.

    Reply
  14. Jay

    I found peace and a certain level of feeling oblivious to the world around me through simple meditation. Now I can just close my eyes and feel elated and contented with my place in this world.

    Reply
  15. Ivan

    A sodium-potassium pump is real. The “physiological colors” that are elicited are real. An idea refers, however, and is not the referrant. Brain moves body, body interacts with world, world influences brain. So, what LoGun is saying, I think, is to use the brain to move the body in ways that will benefit both and maybe even other brains and bodies. Sounds good to me, but it will take an ego to explain how to do it and an ego to experience the benefits… short of an out of body experience. It’s not a bad thing. Great thread – my Id and my Superego both enjoyed too and the three of us are now celebrating our belived unconscious, universal, archaic patterns. Whee!

    Reply

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