Easy or Hard? One Question That Will Define Your Success with women

In the 5 years I’ve been coaching guys on how to become naturally attractive to women, I’ve seen it all.

I’ve seen guys literally transform their lives after spending 5 minutes on the forum.

They log on, read one thing, apply it to their life and their success with women and in the rest of their life goes through the roof.

For some guys, they read through Endgame once and everything changes.

Other guys take a few weeks of Get Real to make the change.

Sometimes, it takes a few weeks through Be Powerful to make significant changes.

Then there are the other guys.

The ones who read, try some stuff out, it kind of works and kind of doesn’t, and they spend months struggling through barriers.

After 5 years of coaching and thousands of clients, I’ve finally worked out what the difference is.

The guys who get the success they want (both with women and in the rest of their life) can answer a simple question easily and convincingly.

The ones who don’t, can’t.

Would you like to know what that question is?

Well, here it is. The one question that will determine just how easily and simply you will progress on this journey is:

What do you love to do?

That’s it.

And I’m not talking about writing a list of things you think are cool or things you kind of enjoy, what do you absolutely love?

What activities are you passionate about?

What makes you feel fulfilled, home, and complete regardless of who’s there?

If you can answer this question, then becoming naturally and effortlessly attractive to women will be a pretty straight forward journey.

It might require a bit of reading, maybe a bit of coaching, but the barriers will be simple and easy to remove.

If you can’t answer this question, then your success with women is going to be painfully slow.

The reason for this is that a HUGE part of becoming naturally attractive to women is learning how to be happy and fulfilled without them.

If you can do this, then when you spend time with the beautiful women you desire, you can share your happiness and fulfillment rather than you trying to get it from them.

If you’re not happy and fulfilled without women in your life…

…then you’re always going to be relying on them to give it to you.

If you don’t know what actions and activities makes you happy, fulfilled, and complete then how can you ever expect to be happy, fulfilled, and complete without women?

If you want to be the kind of Man who naturally attracts women, then become naturally attractive. Become fulfilled, happy, free, and open so that you can share that with the people around you, especially the women you want.

You can’t do that till you know what will make you feel like that, so you have to start there.

So, what do you love doing?


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26 Responses

    • LoGun

      It’s mostly by trial and error. The other important part is to keeping your focus on finding what you love so that when you are doing your trial-and-error, you’re actively looking for what you love.

  1. Someone

    Don’t agree with you on this one leigh :S.

    I know damn well what I love and what I want to do with my life, and share unashamedly with everyone.

    I love programming (career, I even know what I want to CREATE), I love to draw (hobbie, suck at it, but love it), I love music (I’m that guy that knows every band on the planet), I love old-school computers/consoles/games (to the point I can explain to you how the programmers did special effect X on system Y), I love to watch documentaries about science and nature (Did you know dogs are the only animal besides us that understand pointing?), I love to read stuff about psychology, I like to read epic books like game of thrones…

    Of all this, the “absolute love” is programming and old-school computers/consoles for sure ( even better when you mix the two 😉 ).

    This doesn’t make me any better with women, you can’t be worse than 0.

    I’ve had women attracted to me… Even then I couldn’t do squat. I’m talking a girl throwing every signal in the book at me and the only thoughts crossing my mind are “She’s interested in the guy next to me, I’m just imagining things, she’s just joking around there’s no way… etc…”, then I realized it, and STILL couldn’t do anything, by this time I couldn’t even hear my own thoughts.

    Being super self-conscious with women has no relation to knowing what you love.

    I’ve been trying to do the “feel the attraction, eye contact, walk towards her” challenge. It’s going exactly like the approaching challenge. As in my mouth is completely shut.

    I don’t need a women to feel whole (I want one of course), but it does make me feel inadequate. “Everyone seems to be able to do it… what’s wrong with me?” type of stuff.

    I’m not *that* worried if she rejects me, It’s the “opinion of others” that paralyzes me, a fear of public humiliation I guess (that also includes her opinion). But even then only in some situations (related to what I perceive subconsciously as “social norms”?), I have absolutely no problem with public speaking, I feel nervous sure but it’s something I do with no problem.

    By this I mean even if you were to come to me and tell me “that girl is with 100% certainty interested in you, and I mean A LOT”, I’d still have a tough time doing it.

    This shit took some serious introspection to figure out :S.

    • LoGun

      It’s great to see you’ve put so much thought into this but I think you missed the point of the post.

      I didn’t say that if you know what you love, you’ll automatically be great with women. I said that if you know what you love, then your journey will be MUCH easier than if you don’t.

      It’s funny to read what you’re going through. It reminds me a lot of where I was a few years ago. I had women interested in me. I had them looking at me from across the room with *that* look in their eye, but I still managed to fuck it up.

      The great news for you is that once you know how to apply the underlying concepts in the things you love to your interactions with women, then massive change will be possible.

      Like I said, with some guys, they only need to read Endgame to make massive changes. Others come though Get Real and the changes kick in. Sometimes, they’re a few weeks through Be Powerful before we hit the right triggers. But with guys who know what they love, transformation is very possible. If you don’t, then transformation is a long, slow, hard road.


      • Someone

        I just realized how dumb my post was, using a race as an analogy, I’m currently not even participating, but when I do, I’ll have a great head start since I’m not “needy”.

        Please forgive my feverish ramblings, I tend to get pissy when I’ve got a cold :P.

  2. Zach

    So does living one’s deepest purpose play a MAJOR part in this? Because I’ve already gone through these massive changes, attract women, but I feel I’ll reach a whole nother level of attracting women once I’m living my deepest purpose and feeling fulfilled. (Acceptance to Reason in Endgame terms, hehe)

    • LoGun

      There’s certianly another level that happens once you get in touch with something that means more to you than attracting women. It really changes things.

      They can sense it, you can feel it, it’s definitely a different way of living.


  3. lokariototal

    I think you could take this even a bit deeper!

    Maybe the difference is that some guys take more time to know themselves better than others. They are more connected with themselves

  4. lokariototal


    can you give us a concrete example of how you would apply this? I think I don’t see the connection man…

    • LoGun

      There is no ‘way to apply this’. it’s not a technique or skill set you can deploy. It’s an observation.

      The guys who make the most rapid progression with coaching and guidance are the ones who know how to create a rewarding and fulfilling life, regardless of whether women are in it or not.

      The ones who struggle, don’t.

      How do you think you apply that?

  5. Zach

    Also, I REALLY want to know who this woman in the pic at the top uh da page is. Sha BOING

  6. Josef

    Leigh!! HI!! can you give us some examples of that kinds of love of that guys for that things that make them happy and sucessfull?..? Because I knew very stupids guys how dont have nothing that them love, they are ordinary normal guys how just did well these part of dating woman and they never never even read nothing about pick up and these stuffs, and they are stupidly sucessfull, well, one point that I discover, almost them are taller, living guys with lot of energy, are suckingliy normal, nothing of fat, not even muscular and with the skin a litle black, called you color brown with white, haha, just what I saw man nothing rascist, and damn, im very atracctive in a saxon way haha, but i have constantly that damn tunnel vision and that let me “knock out” and I look like a litle retard in that horrible moment and im concius of that, the more funny part is them laugh in my face and I cant did nothing because im in paralysis.. I dont hate them for that, in the end, their social answer is the normal thing to did, is just I dont like feel that… well, keeping my litle history; and everyday I realize that I have a lot of energy inside of me, but i dont know the way for make these energy go up and take live and make me live with them… The days when i did well these thing of atracction women is when im happy or when I just feel the sense of love how come for the love toward a woman, sometimes that comes after my class of kung fu, I dont know why, i dont love kung fu, is just the practice, because that practice make me did a lot of extreme exercises, and that exercises i think, really help to one for be more live…) sucessfull for everyone guys!

    • LoGun

      I can give you examples of what I love doing if that helps.

      I love sitting in the warm sun, in the sand, listening to the waves break.

      I love being rugged up, under a blanket, listening to the sound of the rain fall on the roof.

      I love beautiful music, made with soul.

      I love to dance freely.

      I love to feel like I’ve accomplished something with my time and my life.

      I love the touch of a womans skin.

      I love the sound of woman’s laugh.

      I love my girlfriends smile.

      I love the feeling of carving down the front of a wave as the lip curls over the top of me.

      I love to know where I’m going and that I’m taking steps towards that future.

      That’s all I could come up with right now. If you asked me again tomorrow, I could probably give you more.


    • Someone

      Stupid guys are in general a lot more successful with women than “smart” guys. Remember, there’s a fine line between courage and stupidity ;). In the end it doesn’t matter if the guy is an idiot or has a lot of self confidence, either one allows him to easily talk to women and progress things towards sex. They worry less about the consequences of their actions.

      Also, check your emails leigh, forum registration.

  7. J. Martinez

    I share some of the frustrations of the guys above. That is, I know what I love but still struggle to be the kind of man I want to be when it comes to women. But, I also recognize that my journey has been made MUCH MORE productive because I do have a real working sense of what I love.

    See, for me, I love teaching. When I realize what it is about teaching that I love, I realize that I love the fact that teaching is 1. challenging 2. creative 3. self-expressive 4. connecting 5. empowering. All of those feelings, plus the sense of admiration, are wrapped up in a single activity.

    But, I realize something else…ITS NOT TEACHING THAT I LOVE. It is the feeling that teaching give me that I LOVE. Creation. Self-expression (freedom). Connection. Power. I also get these same feelings from performing and sharing music that took hours to compose, or making a meal for others, or sharing what I feel, think, or know with someone (if its an attractive girl, then there is another feeling attached: Sexual attraction. Then it really gets fun).

    So, for me, because I have have an activity I love in my life (like teaching) I’m more sensitive and aware of the feelings I’m seeking in every activity in my life. Basically, I want a life where every minute, every relationship, is filled with the sense of fulfillment I get from teaching.

    Without this first hand experience of doing something that I LOVE, I’m not sure I would be able to really grasp what it is that I am trying to become.

    So, for instance, teaching gives me a sense of challenge. But, recently, I’ve been taking mixed martial arts training. It is very difficult when it comes to conditioning exercises. I leave the class feeling completely spent. But, while I’m grunting and yelling as I push myself, my physical and mental limits, NOTHING ELSE MATTERS! Every self-doubt, every sad emotion, every challenge in my life all melt away in the furry of survival.

    As I left the lesson, exhausted, I realized that I want my life to feel like that too! I LOVE to push my physical edge. But see, I can recognize this because I know what it feels like to feel the accomplishment of doing something that I love…

    in short, knowing what I love helps create an “appetite” or “taste for” for more of that feeling. Having developed a taste for a particular feeling, I start to crave it, and thus become more sensitive and aware of the particular activities in my life that not only give me those feelings but also helps me work out an idea of how to get more of those feeling through other activities.

    In this sense, knowing/experiencing what I love has been an invaluable source of direction.

    • Mariano

      Your post made me realize something useful, thanks. PS: You’re very lucky.

  8. Josef

    Yes, me too haha, but you talk in “End Game” about just one activity that can reemplace the sensation of happines that a woman can give you?… Im tell what i see, there not only one thing that can replace that feel of happines that a woman give, is a combination of things that make you happy with lot of philosy. exercises for increase the testosterone, meditation, and have a sane mind… I dont have sea in my country… haha

    • LoGun

      I think you’re missing the point with Endgame. I don’t talk about how one activity can give you the sensation that you’re looking for. Read it again, especially the last chapter.

      The issues you face in life have nothing to do with how you currently feel or how you want to feel, they arise from how you try and experience them. Trying to expereince what you’re looking for through any one activity will always face the same limitation – if you can’t do that activity, then you’re not going to feel the way you want to feel.

      The path to complete self fulfilment is learning how to expereince what you want by changing the way you engage and relate to the world.

      This is EXACTLY what we cover in Get Real.


  9. Ben

    Those examples where very helpful, L. You should include them in all your posts – they help grasp the idea I think.


  10. Evolver

    I agree that doing what you love is important to being happy, but the activity itself is not important. The activity(s) will change with time.

    Don’t get hung up on what you do.

    I think this is more about giving yourself the freedom to do what you want.

    If I had to answer the original question “what do you love doing”? My answer would be “whatever I feel like”; Not a whole list of activities.

    If I feel like going to the beach, I will. If I feel like going to get a coffee, I will. If I feel like drinking half a bottle of bourbon…I will!

    You get the idea.

    For me, it is not about the activity…which is always different, but about giving myself the freedom to do it if that’s my current desire. The activity will only ever deliver a temporary good feeling at best.

    The continuing knowledge that I can take action when I desire, without barriers, is what really makes me feel “love” for what I do. I’m not all the way there yet, but I’m seeing how it works 🙂

    • Someone

      Evolver I totally agree with you man.
      “Whatever I feel like”, That sentence feels right at home.

      Sometimes I just want to just go out and run like an idiot, but I don’t, because of whatever trauma I have with having to tell my parents everything I do.

      And then I just end up feeling like crap :S.

      I really need to get out of this fucking house, for good.

      At least I’ll have my own bank account soon (just waiting for some things to be sorted out). Guess what I’ll buy first? Hint: It’s a book, and it might be on this site :p.

  11. Ben

    Evolver, that really resonated with me. What is your opinion on that Leigh?

    And Someone, so true man. Its definitely a challenge living with Ma and Pa. They kinda rule your life until you move out.

  12. vineet

    logun many time you mentioned about tapping process that it won’t work…but personally i found relief from many things by using TAT founded by tapas fleming….do you want to say that energy pschycology will not workout to clear negative beliefs?


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