Can’t vs. Don’t

The words you use give away more than you think.

Whilst language is a learned skill, it’s also a very powerful indicator as to what’s really preventing you from having beautiful, powerful, and amazing relationships with women.

A perfect example is: Can’t vs. Don’t

They’re two very different words and two words that demonstrate the real issues you’re facing.

“I can’t approach women” is very different to “I don’t approach women”

I can’t approach women implies that there’s a barrier in the way, something you don’t control.

It implies that you’re a victim whose actions are controlled by the external environment and all you can ever hope to do is to manage the problems that are thrown at you.

It implies that there are forces beyond your control that choose your destiny and direction your life.

It implies you’re dependant on the world around you for your happiness, fulfilment, and sense of personal satisfaction.

“I don’t approach women” is something completely different.

“I don’t approach women” implies that you made a choice.

It implies that you have the skills, control, and ability to approach, but for some reason or another, you decided not to.

It implies that the power is in your hands and you alone control the direction of your life.

It implies that you are independent of the forces the world throws at you and you can choose your fate.

“Can’t” is a victims word. “Don’t” is an empowered Man’s word.

“If I’m a ‘can’t’, should I just change the word I use? Will that make a difference?”

You could. You could also plastic surgery and plaster a permanent smile on your face so people can’t tell you’re miserable.

All that would be doing would be disguising what you really think and feel, not fixing the cause of your problems.

The words you use aren’t the reason you’re feel like a victim. They don’t create your dependence.

The words you use are merely an unconscious representation of how you perceive yourself and your world.

The only real solution is to change from the core.

To stop being a victim of life and everything it throws at you, you first need to recognise how you create the problems you face and how you can eliminate them.

Here’s a three step process I use with private coaching clients that will get you off to a good start.

Think back to a situation where you felt powerless. For the sake of this article, think back to a time when you wanted to approach a woman but felt like you couldn’t. As you’re thinking about the situation, ask yourself:


1. “What external factors prevented me from approaching?”

Create a list of everything you can think of. It could include things like: other peoples judgements, the fact she was with friends, the amount of people that were around her, etc…

Write them down in a list.

2. Continue to think about yourself in that situation and now ask yourself a different question: 

“What internal factors prevented me from approaching?”

Create a list of everything you can think of. It could include things like: fear of judgement, fear of failing, fear of fear, lack of courage, etc…

Write them all down in a list as well.

3. Now, the fun part. There’s one more question you need to ask:

“If I didn’t have these internal limitations, would the external limitations have really prevented me from approaching?”

If you weren’t afraid of being judged by people, would it matter how many people were watching?

If you weren’t afraid of rejection, would it matter how many friends she was talking to?

What was really preventing you from approaching?

Now repeat this process with every area of your life where you ‘can’t’ do something and see what’s really holding you back.


“But what does this have to do with my lack of success with women?”

It’s simple once you think about it. How many women do you know who want to be with someone who whinges about how hard his life is?

How many women do you know who want to hear stories of all the great things you’d do if you could only get these external barriers out of the way?

How many women do you know who want to be with a guy who will only take them on a journey if he thinks it’s safe, secure, and comfortable?

How many more women would you meet if you did what you wanted, when you wanted to, rather than just when the conditions suited you?

How much more would you have to talk about if you lived and empowered life rather than a disempowered life?

How much more fun would you bring to your conversations and interactions if you lived and exciting and empowered life?

Just something to think about.

This Can’t vs. Don’t separation is one of the corner stones of becoming the Man of your dreams.

If you think that something external to you controls how you live your life and what you do with your life, then you will only ever be able to spend your life trying to manage the problems that happen to you.

If you are fully and consciously aware that the only thing preventing you from really taking full control over your life are your internal limitations, then you’re free to live your life on your terms.

If you’re ever going to reach a fraction of your potential, this is the one place you need to start.

So, work through this exercise and see what you come up with.

If you want to go through a fully guided program that examines every area of your life, shows you exactly how you’re creating the barriers you’re facing, and how you can overcome them…

…then this is the program for you.






P.S. If you know someone who’s only been reaching a fraction of their potential because they’re living in a ‘can’t’ world, then make sure you share this article around. You can like, +1, and tweet it here >>>>

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4 Responses

    • Leigh (LoGun)

      Haha… Thanks mate. I’ve been trying to tell my girlfriend this for a long time but she still won’t believe me. Can you tell her for me? 🙂

  1. Victor

    I think you can’t always have 100% independence. You can’t live the life you want without money for example. So you can’t have 100% control of your life.

    • Leigh (LoGun)

      You’re right. You can’t always have 100% independence. There are always going to be times in your life where you need external objects like money, food, oxygen, etc…

      I’m writing this article on a basic understanding that you have the basic life necessities handled and are able to look beyond them.

      What would change about your life if, in the areas that exist outside basic survival needs, you focussed on being 100% independent?


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