11 Reasons you MUST stop living your Parents Life Plan

When your mum told you to study accounting / business / marketing / whatever at college, I’m sure she meant well.

When your dad told you to take that entry level position at the local law firm / IT company / engineering contractor, I’m sure he was telling you what he thought you needed to hear.

They wanted you to be happy.

They wanted you to be fulfilled.

They wanted you to feel powerful, in control, and valuable.

The only problem was that they didn’t know how to give you everything they didn’t have.

They gave you the life plan they followed. Sure, it didn’t work out AMAZINGLY well for them, but they’re happy enough.

Surely, you just need to follow the same life plan as them and with a bit of luck, you’re going to be confident, strong, happy, fulfilled, and free. Right?

Right?

Unfortunately, no. Happiness doesn’t work like that.

Living someone else’s life plan is the fastest and most consistent path to an unfulfilling, unrewarding, and frustrating existence.

You only have to open your eyes and walk through the financial districts of any major city and watch the frustrated, robotic ways people struggle through their life…

Or pay attention to the disappointed, sad, and angry guys trying to forget their pain in the bottom of a beer bottle to see how well living someone else’s life plan works.

I don’t know you and we’ve never really spoken but I’m sure that’s not the life you want.

But if seeing the pain and frustration that everyone else is going through isn’t enough to get you off that path and convince you to start walking your own journey…

…here are 11 reasons why you need to leave your parents life plan behind and start to forge your own destiny.

 

1. No-one will ever love, admire, or be inspired by you

If you’re walking the exact same path as 95% of guys in your world, how is the woman of your dreams supposed to tell you apart from every other guy?

What qualities will she see in you that she doesn’t see in the guy in the cubicle across the hall?

What characteristics will she fall for in you that she can’t see in most guys in the bar?

What traits will she describe to her friends when she talks about this new guy she’s met?

“Yeah, he’s pretty much like every other guy I know. He goes to work, comes home, watches TV, goes out drinking on Friday and Saturday nights and complains about ‘a case of the Mondays’ when he’s hungover on Monday morning. He doesn’t like his life but he gets up every day and does it over and over again.”

Sure, you might be persistent, but is persistence enough to compensate for the lack of excitement, fulfilment, happiness, and freedom?

I don’t think so.

If you follow your parents life plan, no one will ever love you because there will be nothing to love.

No one will ever admire you because there’s nothing admirable about you.

No one will ever be inspired by you because there’s nothing inspirational about you.

You’re the same average Joe as most of the male population of the world and the confident, beautiful, in-demand women you want are going to treat you like that.

You will never end up with an exceptional woman because there will be nothing exceptional about you.

You will never end up with the woman of your dreams because you’re not the Man of her dreams.

Your relationships will be filled with mediocre people who rely on other people to determine their sense of self worth and direction and who’re trying to depend on other people to make them happy.

Does that sound like the kind of future you want?

Your parents life plan will guarantee that you will never truly be loved because there’s nothing to love about you. If you ever want to be loved, you need to drop it now.

 

2. Living a middle of the road life will give you a middle of the road life

I want you to imagine the kind future that’s rewarding, fulfilling, and satisfying – what does it look like?

Who’s in it? What are they doing? What kind of people are they?

Where do you live? How do you start your day? Where do you work? When do you finish? What do you do in all your free time?

And does it look anything like the inevitable end point of your parents life plan?

If you’ve been following your parents life plan, you might have a hard time coming up with a complete picture of the future you really want, so let me make it easy for you:

Is your dream future one where you wake up every day to the sound of a screeching alarm clock, next to a woman you don’t really love but are with because it’s better than being alone, signalling that it’s time to disguise yourself in the same uniform you’ve been wearing for the last 20 years and head to an office that you hate, so you have enough money to get drunk on the weekend and forget the pain and frustration you’ve experienced in earning that money?

No, I didn’t think so.

Following a mediocre life plan will at best, result in a mediocre life. At worst, you’re in for 50 years of torture before retiring on all the cash you’ve saved, but because you’ve spent the last 50 years doing what everyone else told you to, you have no idea how to enjoy it.

 

3. You will never be remembered

Very few people remember the name of the guy who came second in the 100m final at the 1988 Olympics.

No one remembers the name of the guy who sat on his couch at home, watching it alone before heading off to bed to start another work day that will be painfully close to the day he just completed.

If you follow your parents life plan, you will never be remembered because there will be nothing to remember about you.

Trying to pick you out of a crowded memory of average people will be like trying to tell the 126 different shades of beige apart on the paint store colour palate.

When there’s nothing memorable about you, no one will waste valuable memory space on you.

Living your parents life plan will mean no one will ever remember you. If you ever want to be memorable, you need to drop it now.

 

4. There’s far more competition for your parents goals and aspirations for you

The mediocre life is the path where you’ll face the greatest amount of competition.

95% of the university graduates are competing for that entry level position in the accounting firm.

95% of new recruits have aspirations of making it to middle and upper management.

95% of bored and frustrated office staff try to take their 4 weeks annual leave over the summer period in a tropical paradise that they never see because they’re too busy sipping Mai Tai’s by the pool in their unnecessarily expensive hotel room.

But what percentage of people are building a life changing smart phone app that will bring happiness and joy to thousands of people all around the world?

What percentage of people are trying to play basketball with President of the United States?

What percentage of people are really in touch with what makes them happy, fulfilled, and free and following that vision?

What percentage of people are creating a passive and scalable income stream that allows them to travel the world, whenever they want, doing whatever they want, without ever having to think about where their next meal is going to come from?

The path to mediocrity has the greatest amount of competition. It’s where everyone’s walking. It’s what everyone is doing.

It’s the path of MOST resistance. It’s the path of frustration. It’s the path of unnecessarily hard work. It’s the path of struggle.

But only a very small amount of people are shooting for the stars. Only a tiny group are bucking the trend and forging their own journey.

Sure, there’s no roadmap and no guarantees, but at least you won’t be competing with 95% of the population for something you never really wanted in the first place.

Your parents life plan is the path with the most competition. If you don’t want to spend the rest of your life competing against huge amounts of people for something you didn’t want in the first place, you need to drop it now.

 

5. Your parents life plan will never be fulfilling

An activity in itself is never fulfilling.

Communicating with words and listening to a response is not inherently fulfilling.

Nailing two bits of wood together is not inherently fulfilling.

Fulfilment comes from the meaning that those actions have to you.

If you’re communicating with a close friend about basic arithmetic then it’s probably not going to be fulfilling.

But if you’re communicating with a close friend about the pain they’re going through after breaking up with their girlfriend and you’re able to find a solution that makes them feel happier, more confident, and more connected, then that will be fulfilling.

If you’re nailing two pieces of timber together because you had nothing else to do with your time and all you could find to occupy your mind was a hammer, a few nails, and two broken tree branches, then it’s probably not going to be fulfilling.

But, if the two pieces of timber you’re nailing together form the apex of a new roof you’re just about to complete on the house you’re constructing for you and your family to live in, then it’s going to be rewarding.

Actions themselves are never fulfilling. It’s the meaning and significance of an action that makes it fulfilling.

This means that in order for anything to be fulfilling, you need to know what means a lot to you and what is of most significance and then follow through on it.

This will never happen whilst you’re following a mediocre life plan.

For one, your parents life plan eliminates the need for you to think about what is significant to you. Your goals and priorities are dictated by other peoples perceptions and beliefs so you don’t even need to consider them.

And secondly, action in any area outside your parents life plan is discouraged because “It’s a waste of time…”

Following your parents life plan is the least rewarding and fulfilling way to live your life. If you don’t want to go through life empty and unfulfilled, you need to stop it now.

 

6. Your parents life plan will never make you feel in control

Whilst making your boss look stupid in front of your work collegues or scoring the winning touchdown in your football grandfinal might give you a temporary sense of being in control, living your parents life plan will never give you a complete experience of being fully in control of your life.

This is because that experience of being the complete master of your reality can only come from knowing the kind of future you want to create and being able to take consistent action towards that future.

Your parents life plan doesn’t make room for that.

In the same way that your parents life plan with never be fulfilling, following someone else’s direction and only taking action that moves towards that direction doesn’t give you room to come up with your own end point or take action towards it.

Your parents life plan will never leave you feeling powerful or in control. If you ever want to feel like the master of your own destiny, you need to drop it.

 

7. Your parents life plan will never be exciting

The formula for excitement is simple: lean through fear in a safe way.

When you challenge yourself in a safe, the adrenalin kick that comes with pushing through fear is coupled with dopamine and you feel excited.

How much of your parents life plan involves leaning through fear?

Sure, you might get a small rush when you do your first presentation to the manager of the small marketing firm you’ve just joined.

Sure, your man parts might get a little ticklish (you can get a cream for that) when you go on a blind date with a friend of the receptionist at your work.

But how long will that excitement last for?

How exciting will your 14th presentation be?

How exciting will the 40th be?

How exciting will your nights on the couch with Ms. Blind Date be when you’ve been together for the last 2 years because you’re both afraid of being alone to break up?

Your parents life plan only has a small amount of room for challenge and excitement and once you’ve gone through those small moments, it all dies away.

How much excitement are you going to experience when you turn up to the same uninspiring job, day after day?

How much excitement are you going to experience when you end up at the same pub, every Friday night, because everyone else from your office can’t be bothered to try anything new?

How much excitement are you going to experience by sitting on the side lines, watching the women you crave hook up with the guys who have the balls to push through their fear and talk to them?

Your parents life plan will never be exciting. If you ever want to escape the boredom and frustration of mundane repetition, you need to drop it now.

 

8. Living your parents life plan means you will never make a difference to someone else’s life

How can you ever hope to show someone how to break free from their self imposed chains and express themselves completely and openly when you can’t do it yourself?

How can you ever hope to teach someone how to have more excitement in their life if you can’t do it yourself?

How can you ever hope to show someone how to forge deep, real, and powerful connections with other people if you can’t do it yourself?

Being able to make a difference to someone else’s life starts with being able to make a difference to your life.

Sure, you might be able to talk the talk but you’ll never be able to walk the walk.

And if you can’t walk the walk, you’ll never be able to show others how to do it.

Living your parents life plan means that you will never be able to make a real difference to someone elses life because you won’t be able to make a difference to yours.

You’ll be too busy doing what you’re supposed to do without ever being able to do what you really want to do.

 

9. Your connections will be superficial

The deepest and most real connections you will form with anyone is when you share something real and deep about yourself and they recognise and accept you with that and can share a similarly real and deep.

(NOTE: If you’re unsure of how to form real and deep conections with people and want to know the scientific formula for connection, check out this article)

If you waste your life on your parents life plan, this will not be an option.

Firstly, you won’t know what is real and deep for you because you never have to consider it. You’ll spend your time living to someone else’s moral code and following their goals and aspirations and never have any time or need to consider your own.

Secondly, even if you did know what was real and deep for you, because you’ve conditioned yourself to play safely inside the lines of socially acceptable behaviour, you’d be too afraid to share them r fear of being labelled a pansy / freak / weird.

On top of that, the only people who’re going to want to hang out with you are other people who’re following their parents life plan and they’re not going to have anything real or deep to share back.

Because of this, even if you were able to get in touch with what is real and deep for you and share it openly, you wouldn’t be able to find anyone else who you can connect with.

Following your parents life plan is the simplest and easiest way to never experience a deep and real connection with another person. If you want to know what it really feels like to connect so deeply with another person that you find it hard to distinguish between their experience and your experience, you need to drop it now.

 

10. You will leave a legacy of mediocrity for your children

If you do follow your parents life plan and are able to find an equally dependent partner to join you and breed with you on your mediocre life, the legacy you leave for your children will be one of mediocrity.

All they will grow up knowing is that the way to live is by someone elses rules.

Your children will grow up thinking that their future lies tied to desk in a frustrating job, stuck with a woman who likes you less than you like her, going on group holidays to over-priced destinations that only serve to illuminate the vast gap between the life you want and the life you have.

Is that the kind of legacy you want to live for your children? Is that the kind of father you want to be?

Living your parents life plan is the fastest and easiest way to convince your children that they can never be anything more than what societies tells them they can be. It’s the simplest way to convince them that there place in life is predetermined and they can never hope to rise above it.

If this isn’t something you want to do, you need to drop your parents life plan now.

(NOTE: If you have a different legacy in mind for your children, I encourage you to share it here: http://tomyunbornson.com. The sooner you think about it, right it down, and declare it to the world around you, the sooner you’ll make it happen)

 

11. You will regret it on your death bed

I’m not going to lie to you, I’ve never been close to death. I’ve never stepped towards the light or been in a situation with the possibility of death was right in my face.

So, for me to tell you that you will regret this on your death bed and know it with any kind of certainty would be impossible.

But other people have sat with the people as they drift further and further off the mortal coil and can tell you what they’ve said.

You can read all about it here: Top 5 Regrets of the Dying

The author of that article spend many years working with people in the final years of their life and has generously shared their stories and thoughts.

Well worth the read.

And if you’re anything like them, as the last flutters of your heart are fading into nothingness, you be able to taste the resentment and frustration that living your parents life plan brings.

 

In Conclusion

So there you have it – the 11 reasons why you need to drop your parents life plan and start living your life on your terms.

If you’ve made it this far and still aren’t convinced that it’s the right way to go, then I’m either a miserable failure at conveying the pain and frustration ahead or you’re a sucker for punishment.

Which ever path you choose to follow, I wish you the best of luck, because it’s your life and your choice and always will be.

 

 

 

Leigh

 

P.S. If you know anyone else still living someone elses life plan who needs to hear this, make sure you share, like, +1, or tweet this.

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23 Responses

  1. Aaron

    When I left school I planned on having 1 year off before going to uni.

    That one year has turned into 3. still with intensions for further education. but not right now 😉

    I’m currently living in London and have discovered my own life path. This article rings true with me on so many levels. It’s all about being true to yourself and to have the balls to do what you dream of. We’re the constructers of our reality. What you believe you can achieve!

    best article on here!

    Reply
    • Leigh (LoGun)

      Glad to hear you’ve found your own path. It’s such an important step in any Man’s life.

      What is that path? If you don’t mind sharing…

      Reply
      • vignesh

        I am a 16 year old golfer from India.My parents want me to become a golfer,if not achievable then some good secure job…but my true passion is Mixed Martial Arts and in my country people have not even heard of it.My dad told me that I can never do anything in MMA and the carrer is only till 40 so I will have problem my entire life.My cousin {same age} will get a great job in the states and I will be made a laughing stock….but the only reason why I’m still on thos planet is to become the best fighter in the world..please help me..I have to convince my parents..I am really afraid of talking about this

  2. Leir

    Couldn’t agree any more with that. I’m glad that I’ve listened to this advice and started to build my own life towards my dreams. I’m not exactly there, where I want to, but so far my life has been a lot more lively than that.

    Staying true and persistantly to the path that’s in your heart is the quickest way for having happiness in your life. And this is a win-win situation: for you and the world.

    Reply
    • Leir

      couldn’t agree more*. Sorry, I was so immersed in my emotions that I wrote it wrong hahahahaha

      Reply
  3. Vince

    Great article but I have some thoughts.

    We are aspiring to be lawyers, accountants, programmers because there is certain amount of those people needed in our society. Sure in our dreams we would like to be rock stars, famous artists, do something that passionate us. Sure some people can be passionate about being accountants but those are rare cases. We need X number of rock stars, XXXXX number of lawyers and XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX number of taxi drivers and cashier. So, my question is, do you think that 99% of people in society must be miserable? Should we have mindset like this: I am doing what I love and fuck the rest?

    Reply
    • Leigh (LoGun)

      Definitely not mate. You’re not fucking the rest.

      No matter how many times I say this, not everyone is going to want to follow this path. There are some people who just want to stay in a tight little niche and not move outside their comfort zone. I could tell them this a million times but it’s not going to change anything.

      And, on top of that, we need far less of those people than we think.

      We only need so many lawyers because we live in a society that blames everyone else for their problems. If we weren’t so litigious, then we wouldn’t need as many.

      We only need so many accountants because we haven’t fully embraced the power of automation and outsourcing. If everyone was on that band wagon, things would be that much easier.

      So, no, I don’t think you’re fucking everyone else to pleasure yourself. You’re just doing what most other people don’t have the balls to.

      Reply
  4. Vince

    I totally get your point. I am fully aware that we don’t need that many of those professions. But our society is not ready for this, maybe in 1000 years, our consciousness in not there yet. I am not sure if our society is going in the right direction right now. I feel like average person living in today’s city is depressed and from generation to generation we are getting more frustrated.

    Reply
    • Leigh (LoGun)

      You know what? You’re right. Our society might not be ready for this.

      But here’s a better question to ask than ‘is our society ready for this?’, ‘Are YOU ready for this?’

      ‘Society’ will continue to do it’s thing. It’ll keep going. It’s change and move and stay the same. But what are you going to do when it does?

      Reply
  5. Tothersider

    I don’t like this article. It smacks of wishful thinking – the type that leads to thousands of people trying to become Hollywood actors, professional DJs, computer games programmers and rock stars.

    End of the day, society needs more bakers, accountants, doctors and farmers than it does DJs and novelists. Attempting to make your vocation one of creativity and self actualisation is nice self help gimmickry, but ignores many thousands of broken dreams, broken careers for every successful pro ballerina, canvas painter or skateboarder. And if you think uni graduates all go for the same jobs, imagine the competition and shite pay for a job a lot of people think is glamorous, like DJ or games programmer.

    Your parents managed to sustain enough of a stable environment that they started a family, maybe paid off a mortgage. This is no small feat, and with the west teetering, is getting harder by the decade.

    You can roll the dice on this, and maybe turn out like Tiger Woods. More likely is a failure, such as all the wannabe Hollywood actresses that feed into the LA porn industry when Plan A doesn’t work out. The smarter option is to turn pro with your self actualising, creative hobby if you get good enough at it, and give up the day job, but dicing with your future based on self help rhetoric and “you can do better” sense of entitlement is IMO folly.

    Reply
    • Leigh (LoGun)

      I’m not suggesting that everyone try and be a rockstar or DJ. There are plenty of other jobs that aren’t creative and self actualised that are outside your parents life plan that people can do.

      What if you learned Graphic design and then joined the hundreds of thousands of people all around the world who’re exploiting the advantages that the internet offer by working remotely?

      What if you saw a real issue in society and developed a solution and created your own company?

      What if you learned the art of internet marketing and developed a scalable and passive income stream that allowed you to travel the world without worrying about where you next paycheck was going to come from.

      I would suggest that the problem here isn’t with this article, the problem here is with your lack of imagination when it comes to finding a suitable alternative.

      Reply
      • Tothersider

        Your suggestions there seem much more entrepreneurial (although with a hint of dot com), which is easier to get behind.

        Again, a lot of entrepreneurial ventures fail, or require significant monies to start up. I’d again suggest default to the “test the waters as a hobby, and if it takes off, quit the day job and go pro” approach.

        I remember a woman who did this with her makeup website company start up. She had her boyfriend code it for her. Only when running the website got sufficiently busy that she could no longer run it casually did she quit the day job. I think that this is another angle technology opens – making the bedroom amateur look indistinguishable to the Fortune 500 company to the end user or consumer.

        I’d also like to complement you for the overall direction of the site, here – it has a ring of truth, it works, and it advocates personal responsibility. If I seem hypercritical, it is because you guys are worth the time of day to respond to, and challenge a lot of negative assumptions. Please keep up the good work.

      • Leigh (LoGun)

        You got it mate. It’s not just about quitting your day job and then just throwing buckets of cash at an untested assumption.

        I worked on AI for 6 years part time before taking it on as a full time job and just about every entrepreneur I know has done the same. Step by step is the way to go.

        You have to be sensible and think through your situation before you leap in head first.

        And great to hear you’re enjoying the site and think it’s worthy of criticising 🙂

  6. David

    Small disagreement 🙂 – the person who got second in the 100m final in the 1988 Olympics was Lindford Christie (after Ben Johnson was disqualified for drugs). I’ve watched that race, like, 100 times :).

    Reply
  7. Connor

    I enjoyed this site for a time. But Leigh, I think your articles ring more and more with a tint of disappointment, shaming, fear, and generally much of the negativity that you try to combat.

    This site seems less and less empowering by the day, and more and more critical of people who don’t have a similar mindset to you.

    There is truth in what you say. But there is truth in every path, and perhaps I’m misinterpreting what you wrote, but it seems like you’re saying don’t do this or else you will have a horrible life.

    Isn’t that the same fear based thinking that you’re trying to lead people out of? Isn’t that the same attitude that many of the people you want to reach out to may be facing from their parents?

    I’m not saying this article is bad dude. I think it makes a fair point. Just saying, I think the site has lost it’s way a little. But that’s alright. You can always steer back on course. 🙂

    Reply
    • Leigh (LoGun)

      Wow… You’re so right. I didn’t even notice it.

      It’s funny how it can sneak up on you like that… Thanks for brining this to my attention. I really appreciate it.

      I’ll write something up about this in the next post.

      Leigh

      Reply
    • Leone

      So true lol. The article writer is using the same method as how the parents use to control their children. I think before writing something, the writer must think thoroughly. Not just write don’t do this and that, when it contradicted totally with what the writer’s message at the end ( your life is your choice). It’s like a passive aggressive attitude, which is abit selfish.

      Reply
  8. Connor

    I like your new article, and I am sorry if that came off as harsh, but I felt that it needed to be said. Negativity generally does seem to slip in when and where we least expect it.

    It takes a lot of balls, stones, manliness, courage, whatever you want to call it to put yourself out there like you do day after day. You seem like a great guy Leigh. I like your blog and just your posts alone have helped me to have more confidence in charging full speed ahead on my own path.

    Anyways. Peace dude. You have my best.

    Reply
    • Leigh (LoGun)

      It’s never too harsh if it’s what someone needs to hear, and that’s what I needed to hear. So please don’t stress.

      And you know what, I’ve been thinking about this for a while, it doesn’t actually take balls for me to put myself out there every day. It did when I first started, because I didn’t know how people were going to react. But it doesn’t any more. I’ve created an incredible and supportive community of guys and I know that the majority of them will react positively when I share my ideas. I’ve actually become quite comfortable over the last few years and I need to push myself now.

      I’ve just taken up a new challenge (you can read about it here: 65 days of no PMO) and there are going to be more on the way.

      Great to hear you’re enjoying the site. If I slip back into negativity again, please slap me upside the head.

      Reply
  9. Randy

    It has been a long time since I became the son that my parents never wanted me to be,over 50 years ago.But if I died tomorrow at least I know I could honestly tell my wife and children I have no regrets and it was a great ride, although at this point there are still a few things I hope to experience.Everything you have written is so true and something I hope my own children have learned from my wife and I. Your parents, in most cases are always going to be there for advice should you ask, but it’s your life go out and live it while you can.This article should be required reading before becoming a “adult”. Great job you have done here…I enjoyed it very much and wish it was around a long time ago.Thankyou

    Reply
  10. NicoleXoxO

    Ha! I’m 2 years late to this, but I found your website after typing in “why you shouldn’t follow what your parents want for you/life plan” on Google. Lol… Thank you so much for writing this. I really needed this. I’m fairly young and have made my parents pretty happy by getting my Bachelor’s, working in corporate America (like them) and being an overall good, proper asian daughter, etc. etc. but I NEED to live my life the way I WANT! I am an artist. I have been an artist (singer) since I could talk. But besides singing, as a creative person overall, my mind just works differently than the 95% of people. A creative’s mind is more entrepreneurial, less structured.. less linear. The more I live my life according to their “checkboxes” of a successful, fulfilled life, the more I feel uneasy. This blog (although a little harsh but I like it) fully opened my eyes and I thank you. Keep it up!

    Reply
  11. Maksimgla

    What you have written is the biggest amount of nonsense I’ve ever read. You clearly are out of touch of what it means to be a man, or how to live your life like a man in anyway. A man serves and protects his family, nurtures them, takes care of them, brings honour to his family, especially his parents, and any man would happily do this to his own detriment, but yet ironically this is where happiness is found. You, and anybody who agrees with your selfish outlook on what it means to live life, have clearly not came close enough to loosing there family to realise what life is really all about. So anyone reading this, do not fall for the selfish ideals and lies found in this article. No one will ever love you more than your parents, although at times it may not seem that way, but the live for your happiness, so do the same for them, and you yourselves will live a happy life.

    And remember, people don’t want to live there lives to make others happy….. but only when we live our lives for others, do we truly find happiness.

    Reply

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