Vulnerable means to show yourself to others completely and utterly without holding back for fear of rejection or judgment. It means to say “here I am, flesh and bones. Here are my strengths, here are my weaknesses, here is where I stand-take it or leave it”

Despite what most dating “gurus” would say, it is very attractive to be vulnerable. The reason it doesn’t work for them is because they draw in low self esteem women who only want guys who treat them badly-like the way they treat themselves.

In order for you to be vulnerable with someone you must first be able to be completely honest with yourself.

With all the self-help, reprogrammed, affirmation driven minds out there in the dating community honesty tends fall off to the wayside.

Every issue that comes to the surface is quickly repressed with an affirmation or two-it’s a positive way of telling yourself to shut up. Repression leads to many unhealthy behaviors.

*note: Affirmations aren’t bad in of themselves just the way most people use them For vulnerability to be an attractive quality there must be a couple things inline:

1. Love and accept every part of yourself
2. Not being needy and looking to see if its OK with her
3. Not being a victim to your vulnerable side

People will be OK with anything that you are ok with it and that includes the darker side of yourself. If you still judge yourself, they too will judge you too. They will pick up of on your fears, insecurity and judgments and pounce on them.

You must first go in and love and accept every part of yourself. Loving exactly what’s going inside of you doesn’t mean having desire to change those things.

Its not a self help technique to try to improve because you are perfect already, you just need to realize it – “I’m perfect with all of my flaws, fears, doubts and insecurities” Ironically, loving yourself and not trying to improve them will cause you to improve the most.

Whenever you judge yourself for anything do the following:

1. Know that its only the ego that judges, not the true you beyond your mind
2. Say the following affirmation “I love and accept myself completely just the way I am”

“Not being needy and looking to see if its OK with her” Once you truly love and accept a part of yourself you no longer fear others judgments (good or bad) because you no longer judge yourself.

We only fear the judgments of others if we judge ourselves for it FIRST. Neediness in the area of being vulnerable will only come if we want external validation from someone else, a desire to be told that its OK to feel this way.

Accepting the way you are doesn’t mean you become a victim to your flaws. You don’t sit there and complain about or feel victim to them-that’s not accepting them, that’s being a poor me (person who takes little or no response-ability for their lives) Taking charge of life is what a man is and what attracts women to us. Becoming a victim to ANYTHING is going to kill the attraction.

Many many many people fear being vulnerable to others and as a result hold back. Often when you are vulnerable with another person they see themselves in you and will react negatively and attack. They do this because they don’t like what they see in you because they don’t like it in themselves and judge very harshly. If this happens, just know that it is not about you and that you are truly loved.

Another reason people hold back from being vulnerable with each other is the fact that they don’t know how to own their own strength. Whenever we give our power away to others and take crap from them, it closes our hearts and causes us to pull back. It’s painful to be open with someone and have them take advantage or them treat us not so nicely.

We must get the yellow chakra down first (owning strength) before we can open our hearts. Think back to your first love and how much you gave your power away to them. You let them get away with things and it hurt pretty badly. In order to avoid not feel this pain again we stop being vulnerable to people and close ourselves off. Often people think its because they loved too much that they got hurt. It wasn’t their heart that was the problem it was that they didn’t own their strength.

I don’t fear opening my heart up to people and becoming completely vulnerable with them. I don’t fear this because I know I won’t get taken advantaged of because I don’t give my power away to other people. I can be as free as I want to and not worry because the second someone tries to play games with me I will put an end to it. I don’t end up feeling stupid afterwards and close my heart because I don’t take crap from people.

Letting go of the past and learning to own your strength in order to be vulnerable in life is the greatest thing you can do for yourself. Not being who you are on the inside is very lonely. Ironically the loneliness is the same loneliness that most everyone else suffers from. Let the walls come down and share the gift of you with everyone.

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8 Responses

  1. Simi

    I actually like vulnerability, it’s good to know I’m talking to a human and we can just be ourselves–that is the most admirable trait I can think o someone who stays true to themselves and doesn’t succumb to outside pressure. True love only exists when we’re being true.

    It is very attractive ;) and the definition of true strength…

    I love your article!

    Reply
  2. Hanna

    I haven’t read too far into the article, because I got too excited. I love what you are saying since it speaks such a huge truth for me. I’m a woman and I honestly utterly melt from the inside when someone is being truly vulnerable. And when they are not I feel this sense of chilling cool and unrealness. And I also believe that women have to learn to be vulnerable just the same – it is not vulnerable to be “weak” all the time. It is also a question of vulnerability to show your warrior energy.

    Hmm, but in the end – from which side ever you approach this – if it is the suppressed female or the suppressed male aspects – in the end you will have to accept yourself to be a whole person, to become vulnerable, to become alive.

    Thank you, Sincerely, Thank you.

    Reply
  3. anana

    Wow, Leigh, you are amazing! I was looking for info on how to be a more vulnerable woman and my quest led me here. So glad it did!
    It’s interesting how it works the same for men and women. Now it is clear to me that being vulnerable is being yourself at all times and loving yourself unconditionally.
    So well-written and uplifting! Thank you.

    Reply
    • Leigh (LoGun)

      Thanks Anana but I can’t take credit for this one. One of our old contributors wrote it – Alex. He’s not around any more but I’ll be sure to pass on your thoughts.

      Reply
  4. AnonWriter

    So basically, it’s ok to be vulnerable, as long as you’re secure with your own shortcomings and insecurities. In other words, it’s ok to open up about things you’re not vulnerable about. That’s really not helpful.

    Meaningful opening up involves bringing out those areas where we *are* insecure, so that others can accept us in order to teach us to accept ourselves. That’s the idea, anyway. Unfortunately, this doesn’t happen very often. When someone opens up to us, we see red flags, we get scared, we push them away. I try hard to let people be open with me, but I’d be lying if I said it never pushed me away. Being able to open up takes 2, and I don’t know how to make the situation better… but I truly believe that telling people to “just be vulnerable” is not the way.

    Reply
    • Leigh (LoGun)

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts mate.

      There’s something in there that I don’t understand: You say that ‘being able to open up takes 2′, but I don’t understand that. How does the way that someone else responds to you determine how much you can open up?

      Sure, they might not like what you have to say, but how does that change your ability to say it?

      Reply

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