How to have fun in ANY situation

I went to a party last night. I know… CRAZY!!!

This might not seem like a big deal to you guys, but it actually was for me.

I don’t really go out much any more.

I used to go out a lot! Steven and I would be out 3 or 4 times a week.

We’d go to bars, clubs, and just hang out. We’d flirt with cute girls, meet new people, and generally have a great time.

But my life doesn’t really revolve around meeting new people any more.

Right now, what I enjoy more than anything is building AI. Building new websites, creating new training programs, and sitting here writing these blog posts for you.

That’s right… I’m a pretty exciting guy to be around at the moment…

The reason I’m mentioning this is that last night, I remembered something very important:

If you understand the basic mechanisms of how to enjoy yourself, you can have fun in ANY situation.

That’s right, have fun in ANY situation. I didn’t really want to be at this party but I was able to have a great time, all because I took it back to the basics.

Would you like to know what they are so you can have fun in any situation?

Well, here we go…

How to have fun in any situation: 4 simple steps.

First of all, I need to qualify the word ‘fun’. Fun is such an ambiguous term. It’s like happiness. Everyone has their own interpretation of what ‘fun’ is so here’s how I’m going to define it.

When I say ‘have fun in any situation’, I’m not talking about laughing till tears roll down your face, I’m simply talking about enjoying yourself.

I’m talking about being able to do what you need to do to have a good time.  That’s going to vary for just about every person, but whatever that is for you, this post will help you find it.

 

Step 1: Write out a list of everything that you enjoy doing

Writing down everything you do to have fun is a great place to start. You’re going to use this list to investigate the core elements of that which are responsible for your enjoyment so you can apply them to the rest of your life.

Go on, write it out.

Stop reading now, get out a piece of paper, and write down what you enjoy doing. If you don’t, you’re really not going to get much out of this post other than empty information.

If you write this list out, you’re going to start the process of being able to enjoy any situation.

 

Step 2: Find the core elements of your enjoyment

 

It’s time to go one step deeper. Here’s something that might surprise you.

 

You don’t get satisfaction from those activities.

Yes, I know. You think I’m wrong. That’s fine. Most people do when I tell them this. But that’s because you’ve only heard half the sentence.

You don’t enjoy those activities, you enjoy what those activities allow you to experience.

What I mean by this is that it’s not the specific movements or actions that you’re taking in the specific environment or conditions you’re taking them in, it’s the experience you have from taking those movements or actions that you enjoy.

I’ll use my own life as an example.

I play American Football. I love it. Why? Because I enjoy challenge and the feeling of self-determination that comes from overcoming a challenge and American Football is one place I can do this.

I love coaching. Why? Because I enjoy challenge and the feeling of self-determination that comes from overcoming a challenge and coaching is one place I can do this.

Can you see a pattern here?

Want to know something else? I enjoy myself in any situation where I can find a challenge and work to overcome it.

So, what is the core experience that you love? Have a look through the list you created of activities you love doing and think back to your peak moment of that activity. What was it about that moment that was so great? What did you experience in that peak moment?

Go through your entire list. See what you can find.

What experience do you enjoy and how do these activities allow you to enjoy it?

 

Step 3: Notice how your enjoyment of those activities changes as how you feel changes

If you’re anything like most people, there was probably more than one feeling you enjoy on your list. My list has two: connection and power.

What were yours?

The other thing you would have realised is that you probably don’t want to experience the same thing all the time.

I know that there are times when what I really crave is connection. I just want to feel like I’m totally and deeply connected with another person.

What’s the difference? How I feel.

If I feel energetic and confident, then I usually want to go on an adventure.

If I feel calm and confident, then I usually just want to sit and get through some work.

If I feel isolated then I usually want to connect with people.

If you feel powerless, I usually want to do something that allows me to feel in control.

How I feel determines what I want to experience.

 

 

Step 4: Apply these concepts to any situation

Knowing the underlying experience that you’re searching for and the mechanism that you can use to experience it is the fundamental basis of being able to enjoy yourself in any moment.

When you can do it, any situation becomes a place where you can enjoy yourself.

You can turn even the most mundane task into an enjoyable experience.

 

This is what I did at this party.

I turned up feeling confident and energetic. I knew that to enjoy myself, I’d need to find an activity that was challenging but also allowed me to express myself.

So, I started battling people on the dance floor. I had a blast!

Why? Was it because I was dancing? No. It was because I was challenging myself and other people and expressing myself. Dancing was simply the specific vehicle that allowed me to find the two conditions I needed.

If there was another activity that met these two criteria, I could have enjoyed myself there as well.

 

Interestingly, this desire to overcome challenges is the reason I don’t enjoy going out any more.

When I used to go out, it was all about doing things. That ‘doing’ was flirting and connecting with incredible women. My ideal night was to move around, talking to whoever I wanted till I found an attractive woman, and then I’d play with her.

We’d flirt, we’d play, we’d get real and connect.

The enjoyment of my night was based around ‘doing’ flirting and connection.

I have a girlfriend now. That kind of action is not on the cards any more. I choose not to do that so if I’m going to enjoy myself, I need to find things to do.

There’s only so much I can ‘do’ at a bar or a party before I get over it and want to get back to writing books.

The reason that so many people struggle to enjoy themselves is that they’re trying to fit in and do what everyone else is doing and hope that will be rewarding.

For most guys, they think they need to stand around in the social group that they turned up in and talk about what everyone else is talking about.

To be honest, unless the conversation was about website optimisation and conversion rates (ie. A conversation that could help me be better at doing things), then I’m not going to be interested.

If you do what everyone else is doing, you’re only going to enjoy yourself as long as you enjoy what everyone else is doing. If you don’t enjoy what they’re doing, then you’re not going to enjoy yourself.

 

So, that’s how you enjoy yourself in any situation.

You find the underlying experience that you’re chasing, find your mechanism that will allow you to experience it, and then apply that to the situation.

When you can do this, even the most mundane activities can be truly rewarding.

So, what experience is enjoyable for you?

What mechanism allows you to experience it?

And how can you apply that to different areas of your life that currently aren’t enjoyable?

Share your answers below.

 

 

L.

 

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14 Responses

  1. Lucian M

    Activity I enjoy — Peak experience.

    Traveling — Pushing my Boundaries
    Reading — revelation, insight,
    video games — immersion
    creating 3d graphics — flow
    photography — flow
    photoshop — flow
    socializing one on one — connection
    ‘helping / teaching others’ — superiority (oups, getting)
    parties — showing off
    self-dev courses – revelation, evolving
    self-dev reading – revelation, evolving
    jurnaling — release
    calendar jurnaling — perspective
    sex — pleasure (oups, getting again)
    travel with friends — connection
    translating — flow
    karaoke — courage
    toastmasters — courage

    Reply
  2. Safa

    “If you feel powerless, I usually want to do something that allows me to feel in control.”

    I actually feel powerless quite alot. Whats something that allows me to be in control? all I can think of is pushing myself or getting things done but they dont seem to be working.

    Reply
  3. Kaylos

    I think my personal answers confused me more than anything. They seem to point more towards why I have engaged the world in a certain way than how I could engage it more effectively.

    Reply
  4. Oz

    The times where i really enjoyed everything around me was when i let other people be how they are. A intersting thing that then ALWAYS did happen was that i was able to stand up for myself, for others, to leave someone without the feeling of doing something wrong for that i possibly could be punished by others, weird doh!

    It sounds for me on the surface like a paradox, but when i was able to let go of wanting to control i came to a place where real control fall into my lap.

    I give you a example. I last meditate on “letting go of thinking. letting go of wanting to control thoughts…”

    LAter, I was at a party with a couple of good friends. I felt 2 or 3 three times a powerful connection between all the people in the club. The music was perfect, the guys looking with a strange gaze at me why i get all the attention of the people was perfect, the sound which i don’t like in my “normal control state” was perfect. I was the observer of a beautiful evolving of life.

    Another thing that i want to mention is that at this night i was in a foreign town where i had the option to sleep in a friends room, so the sleeping place was done and i’ve felt a bit of dependent on the friend. So i let go of wanting to control where i will sleep. I’ve bond with a couple through a other friend and i really enjoyed them with out wanting to get them to like me. I really saw how these both people who don’t really go out much of their comfort zones start to evolve. I watched her(the girl ;)) doing her moves and was fully accepting every one of her moves. I was so in love with her, she wasn’t acctualy “beautiful” in terms of gq, fhm, gaga and other shit.

    After 3 hours they offered me that if i want i can sleep on their couch.

    So, what i want to say is that my writings sounds nice but it takes a unimaginable commitment to this way of living your life, because you will experience a lot of unimaginable joy, but when you start to hold the joy it will own you and you will become a slave to the joy and will try not to loose it.

    So, to leave ya with a quote of a dead rapper

    “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was”

    What cha think?!

    Reply
    • LoGun

      I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. Although I don’t think it’s a paradox.

      When you attempt to control something that you can NEVER control – the external environment – you experience a sense of frustration and a deep lack of fulfillment.

      When you attempt to control the only thing that you can ever control – yourself – you’re able to experience a profound and deep sense of control in your life.

      It’s wonderful to hear that you’ve experienced the difference between the two pathways and how much more joy and satisfaction lies in the latter. These reference experiences are such an important tool in finding the drive to continue to transform your life..

      L.

      Reply
  5. daniel

    last year I got addicted to an online browser game:
    Travian
    For…… 3 months!
    day & night.
    I enjoyed all the seconds of playing this game. all the summer I was at home playing this game. In fact I still feel nostalgic about it when I think about it. Very intensely. I just can’t describe how much I enjoyed this game.

    Later I felt another intense feeling!
    An strong voice in me: “why are you wasting your time playing this shit?”. I started to feel like shit. increasingly.

    I woke up one morning, looking in the mirror, man, I NEVER HATED MYSELF THIS MUCH.
    I had lost weight.
    Got fucking skinny
    With this huge bush of beard on my face.
    SUDDENLY, I realized what I had done to myself.

    hopefully, I QUITTED IMMEDIATELY

    In new college year I had stomach pains, headaches, felt sick and weak.
    all my college friends had become more sociable over the summer, and I was this shy nervous bitch.
    I couldn’t even keep up with a “50 meter run” competition.
    I was thinking of all those wasted moments that I enjoyed…

    Reply
  6. schaique

    watching tv, movies, twitter, reading articles and going to my college and asking only from GOD gives me the same experience …something I haven’t done Before, something fun but funny and asking only from GOD …thank GOD and thanks bro

    Reply
  7. Leo

    Ok,

    This is the conclusion that I got from the exercise:

    When I am feeling energetic I want to experience Physical Power and Challenge Myself

    When I am feeling normal, I want to experience Physical Fluidity (like dancing) and Challenge Myself

    When I am feeling tired or calm, I want to experience Serenity.

    After this exercise, I finally understand my perfect day at the beach.

    I arrive full of energy. I start playing Frescoball (it’s a popular sport in Brazil, kind of like tennis). I start launching huge swings and going after the most difficult balls. As I get more tired, I don’t want to swing hard but just flow and relax my muscles while still getting some hard balls every now and then. When I finally get very tired, I lay down on the beach and just do nothing.

    I cannot describe how perfect this experience is for me. Whenever I reach this, I just feel completely satisfied, like I need nothing else from the world.

    I will now start working out how I can produce this effect in other ares of my life.

    Thank you for the post. It was the best I read so far.

    Reply
  8. Leo

    Oh shit!

    I just found out why I hate going to the gym. I always go the gym at night, and I am usually very tired after work. I discovered that when I am feeling tired or calm, what I want is serenity and I can’t get that from working out.

    This is probably why I keep quitting and coming back to the gym every few months.

    Perhaps if I go in the morning when I am more energized, I will enjoy it.

    Deep stuff. I can imagine how this impacts in other areas of my life.

    Reply
  9. Marcos

    I always’ve been horrible at the dance floor and never enjoyed dancing (I was very shy in public). So I thought that by taking salsa lessons, things would be different and it would allow me to approach more girls in nightclubs. Well, I’ve been in a salsa class for a year and a half and things changed but very little. I was still shy, I was not enjoying it and I was not dancing well (lack of rhythm). It took me a long time to realize that the problem wasn’t the dancing skills or rhythm, the problem was that I was doing all these things in order to approach girls. Now I have a girlfriend that I met doing daygame and she happens to love dancing and thanks to her and all that I’ve been reading here, I realized that the solution to my social problems relies in doing activities that allow me to enjoy myself. I quitted my salsa classes and now I returned but with a different mindset. Now I’m doing salsa to have fun with other people as a tool to approach and also to have something to share with my GF. I’m gonna keep this post in mind. Cheers from Argentina

    Reply
  10. Marcos

    Wops, there’s a mistake near the end (I forgot the AND NOT):
    Now I’m doing salsa to have fun with other people AND NOT as a tool to approach

    Reply
  11. Marcos

    Wow I forgot that I wrote here a year and a half ago.
    Activity : I like performing magic in front of people
    Experience: I feel connected with people, I enjoy the the challenge of responding to whatever my audience says/does and I feel powerful because in that moment I’m leading a group of people. All those things make feel alive and free.

    However, last year I wrote that I was doing dance lessons but now I quitted completely because I was not enjoying it. So my question is, how can I apply those my experiences (when I’m doing magic) if I were to go to a nightclub? In other words, how do I do what you say in your example if I don’t enjoy the dance and the music?

    Reply

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