Should you take your ex back when she’s cheated?

 

***QUESTION FROM A READER***

Hey Alex,

I have run into some problems with an on again off again girlfriend of the past couple of years. I was cheated on by her and she lied about it. At first she claimed that she had been raped by this guy and later she confessed that she wasn’t. At the time I felt like it wasn’t really her fault and she deserved another chance but now I know that it was her fault.

I feel trapped by the situation because she is my first love and I feel like she could be the one but she has lied to me so many times before. We don’t go out now but we talk on a regular basis (she is literally obsessed with me). I feel stupid for falling for her lies over and over but I still have strong feelings for her. I have grown from the whole experience but am still very confused.

What should I do now? Should I break it off or find a way to get over it and go ahead with our new relationship?


***MY RESPONSE***

There are many people who say you can continue a relationship after being cheated on or doing the cheating. They claim that it’s possible to move on from that dark period and continue to love each other just the same as you first did when those three magical words entered the relationship.

The truth is that a relationship dies once you step outside of it, particularly in your case. It was your first love and first loves always come with a strong sense of innocence and vulnerability. The more open you are, the more it will hurt when someone betrays you like she did. Once your trust is broken it’s almost impossible to get that naive wide eyed feeling back.

It’s always a good idea to never fully trust someone until they prove that they are worthy of your trust. Blind faith will get you hurt over and over again unless you are extremely lucky.

During the time when she should have been building that trust she was sneaking around on you with another guy. Vulnerability of a first love combined with her not creating strong trust in the relationship will create a lot of trust issues.

The only way you could trust her now would be to constantly keep a close eye on her every single day or decide to ignore your intuition all together. You can only ignore your intuition about someone for so long so we will go with the other solution: constant surveillance.

Only after months (maybe years) of close observation could you trust that she won’t cheat on you again. Constantly checking her emails, phone calls, texts for any signs of infidelity.

The problem with this solution is that your paranoia and watching her every move will cause her to lose attraction for you. This could lead her to cheat on you again or even worse stay in a non-attraction based relationship.

Then there is the question of why she is talking to you now. It could be that she genuinely wants to be with you and loves you. But there is also a chance that she is doing it out of guilt over what she did in the past. By making you happy and giving you what you want she can finally shed the guilt that has been corroding her thoughts.

There are some people who make a mistake of cheating once, come clean and break it off the relationship. They wronged the other person because the relationship wasn’t working in the first place. It was a mistake but they had enough respect not to continue to hurt the other person.

Then there is the other group of people who cheat because they believe sex is their only value. In a new relationship they feel amazing when they hear ‘I love you’ and their self esteem rises. After a while of hearing the L word on a daily basis it starts to lose it’s value and so do they. Restlessness starts to kick in and they begin to try and gather value from another source and so cheating begins.

Another reason for wanting to be with you is that she misses someone who idealizes her. Having a person look at you like you like you are the most beautiful creator that ever existed feels good. She longs to see you look at her with those loving and adoring eyes.

You need to ask yourself is she in it for me or the way I feel about her? If it’s the way that you feel about her then just about anyone could take your place. Any schmuck could kiss up to her and make her out to be a goddess.

The point is that you don’t fully know why she wants to be with you. I know that you deeply wish that she wants you simply for you but what if you are wrong. If you miscalculate the situation the pain that you feel now will become much greater. Pulling yourself out it will become much harder to do.

People never enjoy feeling dumb for letting others take advantage of them. It hurts the ego to such a great degree that they avoid it at all costs. If it does happen they respond by either trying to run from it or trying to mend the situation. This could possible be part of your motivation for wanting to be with her.

If you call it quits with this girl right now you will have to admit that you made a mistake and continued to do so for several years. The longer you go in the wrong direction the harder it becomes to stop. Foolish pride will often force people to continue on the wayward path instead of admitting that they were wrong.

Part of the reason why you want to be with her could stem from your desire to avoid owning up to your mistakes. You hope that she is the one because if she is then you get to avoid the embarrassment of sticking it out for all those years only to end up with nothing.

You mentioned that she told you she was raped by him but it turned out that she was just covering her ass. There are little white lies and then there are lies that are extremely disturbing. The lie that she told could have created a very awful situation for you or him. What if you had gotten enraged and gone to fight the guy? Taken a baseball bat to his head? Assault with a deadly weapon would have ended up with you being raped behind bars.

She endangered the lives of two people because she couldn’t tell the truth. That’s extremely neurotic and she needs to seek the help of a therapist as soon as possible. If she didn’t seek psychological help to fix her deep seeded problems then she will still be the same person. When you are that messed up to cry rape you can’t get over it without years of therapy. Has she done that?

You mentioned that she could be the one but I have some harsh truth for you…there is no such thing as the one. There is not just one person out there that is your twin flame or soul mate or someone who will complete you. It’s a concept created to make relationships and married seem more romantic then they really. And to sell more Meg Ryan movies.

With three and a half billion women walking the planet today statistically speaking there  are thousands (if not millions) of women who will be almost exactly the same as this one girl. There will be tons of women who share the good qualities that this girl posses but without all the complications.

If it was me I would walk away from her completely. If you decide to stay you might end up losing those rose colored glasses you are wearing and see the situation for what it is and her for who she is. At that point you might be married with three kids and a mortgage, making it very difficult to break free of this woman.

This advice is coming from experience because I was in a very similar situation when I was younger. This girl I was dating claimed that she raped by one of her friends despite the fact that she continued to hang out with him. It was a lie but I was too blind to see the situation for what was really going on. Luckily I woke up before something bad happened like getting married or contracting an std.

If you choose to stay single the first thing you need to do is break ALL contact with this girl. No sobbing good byes or one last fuck. No talking. No texting. No emails. Nothing.

When she is in your life in some form your judgment becomes skewed by your loving feelings. Around her the truth gets buried deep beneath the tingle she sends up your leg. Remove her from the equation and take the time to look at your relationship and her from an OBJECTIVE point of view.

Not having any contact with her will be quite difficult at first because of your history together. You’re an addict and she is your fix. Remove her from your facebook, block her email and even go as far as block her phone number so as to have no temptation.

Become disciplined in your decision to never see her again. Over time the truth about her will start to rise to the surface. Loneliness and confusion will be against you but your resolve will lead you to do a day where everything becomes clear. In one monumental moment everything will hit you like a ton of bricks and you will no longer miss her.

She will go from a painfully cruel joke to just a joke. You will look back upon it and barely believe that it was you in that tragic tale.

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About The Author

Alex is a guest contributor on the Attraction Institute. He started his journey as a lost and confused guy and has been sharing his story on his personal website since 2009. He specialises in Inner Game Transformation.

114 Responses

  1. dontlosehope

    A relationship ended because I cheated early in the relationship. It was something that we tried to get past, but the trust issues and resentment just kept resurfacing and we called it quits. We took several months and worked on ourselves and let our old relationship become a distant memory. We did have a deep connection and both felt like we had met “the one” and that led us back to each other. Our relationship is better than ever and we are actually now engaged. It’s like a completely different relationship and we really left the past in the past!

    Reply
    • Brady

      How did you pull away from eac th other an focus on yourselfs, in order to better things with them in the future? In in the same situation right now with my ex wife. I love her deeply an i know she loves me as well still but i left her more then 5 times to be with my ex. Just need some advice.

      Reply
    • Bruno

      So does that mean that you don’t really have to give up on that woman that you love I have to wait for that change in both of us right?can you send me an email for your reply thankyou

      Reply
    • DAVID V HOLDER

      My name is not Alex its David so whats Iswear I have not laughed this much in years thank you so very I hope your getting just as much kick out of all this like I am but I was talking about my new account my pop-money Im gonna catch them andfind there names and request there I can do that you know for them takeing what I do on line and there makin money from it It is funnier then shit know but it has brought just as many heart breaks and tears too go along with it matter fact I am remembering a name Labron James ok
      Thanks agian

      Reply
    • Sandy Juerta

      Same thing I’m going through, I cheated in the beginning of our relationship and he still stayed with me 2 years bit now he wants to break up because he says he’s been wanting to before. He wants to think about the relationship and I don’t know for how long to wait for him but I know I will focus on other things to better myself. He still feels hurt he says bit he really loves me? I’m just so scared and I want to know how long to wait he said he doesn’t know how long it’s gonna take.

      Reply
    • Akhil

      @Dontlosehope: I’m exactly in your old situation and that’s what got me searching for advice in the first place. I don’t usually search for relationship advice but I just can’t separate from this woman. We are in a long distance relationship and I cheated on her. It was eating me up and I told her. That and all the other negatives that come along with a long distance relationship finally resulted in her breaking up with me. But we both still love each other and we put all of ourselves into it because we were sure. I deeply regret what I did and want us to be together again. What did you do to convince her to be back together?

      Reply
    • Al

      I I’m in a similar bubble but one thing I can’t figure out is how to leave that knowledge in the past I don’t do it intentionally but occasionally something remind me of it and I’m reminded of the pain and then shortly after that comes my anger of the situation I have tried to work it out as a couple and as an individual and eventually we both got sick and tired of me being sick and tired you see I got over the initial actions it took me about a year to do it but I finally came to terms with it and I believe that a big milestone but just because you get to that level I found out it don’t mean you’ve beaten the game just because you’ve come to terms with what happened and you accept it don’t mean you forget it or forgive it necessarily there’s still the faint reminders that will occur time to time and it could be something a small talking about a situation that occurred in the same time line might not have had anything to do with her cheating on me but for example we were talking about something to eat as we drove by a restaurant she mentioned that she had some of the best tasting green tomatoes there and immediately something up in my head because we have been together more than 5 years there has never been an occasion where we haven’t eaten dinner together and I knew the restaurant at the time was maybe a year old and just as a reflex I asked when did you go here I immediately regretted asking the question just as I saw in her eyes that she was about to regret honesty about it that has been the calls a lot of arguments and fights between us now I do know it is very common in particular situations like this where the guilty party attempts to make the victim feel they are to blame for one reason or another and that is what she did to me by telling me such things as it’s my fault I wasn’t paying her enough attention or I was too busy focusing own my business or even my personal favorite it’s your fault you introduce me to him wow that one right there really stings but like I said we eventually worked it out and we stayed together for a period of time and like I said I got over the initial quite well I would think with time what I really could not Shake about the situation and still can to this day is the fact that she doesn’t accept the guilt of her actions more like she doesn’t believe she did anything wrong the first time she cheated was actually on her birthday I had to work bad day Hand a very big evening with a very long following weekend for the occasion about 4 o’clock that afternoon an hour before I got off work she texted me and told me that she was going to have dinner with her female friend that I should get something to eat on the way home and text her when when I’m on the way no remember I said it feels like she doesn’t feel remorse or guilt and that really makes me angry and sad mostly because I believe that’s how I would feel if she was on the other foot am I wrong for this? Honestly I I do love her with all my heart we were supposed to get married this summer because we went an extended period of time with no fights or arguments we were even talking about selling our home in Georgia and moving North because we were both tired negative things people and memories that we both I have and I was excited about it because I felt it could finally be an ending chapter 4 prior Horror Story and all the sudden last February I come home from work one evening and she tells me two weeks before we’re supposed to go house shopping in Tennessee that she wants me to go find a place without her that she just simply does not believe it is a good idea anymore for us 2 seller home here we have too many memories here to just give up this led into a good two-and-a-half month argument which ultimately ended up with me and jail and her having a restraining order put on me and it took me about 2 months I’m fighting every urge do not break this restraining order it was past all over again and I found out that it was for the same situation just a different guy that her friend was encouraging her to date well we were engaged and planning her honeymoon because that particular friend made it obviously clear said she wanted a shot with me and even made comments like you should break up with him because you’re not good enough to treat him right which enraged me and made me beg to stop being friends with that girl but wouldn’t you know my house became a reality again but around the 7th month of a restraining order she was consistently trying to get in touch with me for us to get back together I finally gave in around the 9 1/2 month area because she was extremely apologetic over the situation and she seemed genuine about wanting to get back with me but now around the 11th month here we are on again off again every week break up after rekindle over and over but since we started dating again I’ve noticed a lot of psychological differences in myself extreme paranoia is one followed by low self-esteem and feeling of worthlessness a lot of bipolar mood swings and not to sound crazy but maybe even a little schizophrenic and that’s just mental side effects I’m also experiencing panic attacks I’ll go long periods of time with insomnia and then I will follow with narcolepsy where I just randomly fall asleep when I’m not tired I will randomly break out into a cold sweat I get severe migraines what generally occurs after my left eye starts randomly twitching and whenever I am in deep thought over anything the middle finger on my right hand will strongly twitch sometimes for hours how none of these things have ever been an issue with me until the last 3 months now I only notice these things when was not together but verbally having contact our last fight I change my number and we didn’t have contact for almost 3 weeks first couple of days was hard lots of those things were happening after a week none of the issues where occurring and none of them really will happen if we or physically together or hanging out but if we are fighting and just talking on the phone and me or both of us talking about if we should get back together if we should stay together if we have a future or not everything happens panic attack nervous twitching even vomiting sometimes I know I should really seek medical and psychological help for this but like I said I really don’t want to sound crazy can someone give me an idea other than the voices in my head…lol

      Reply
    • ali

      If you do manage to get rid of her and get passed your obsession for a girl like this….will this girl ever regret her actions entirely and come back to you….will She try any means to contact you at some point in the future??

      in my situation this girl would ring me 5 times a day and check up on me and see me every two days minimum for physical attraction as well as keeping her happy by telling her I love her multiple times

      Reply
    • DAVID V HOLDER

      If your talking about my
      five wifes dont worry about them I will alright buddy

      Reply
  2. Jeff

    Trust me guys, DO NOT TAKE HER BACK! I SPEAK FRO ALOT OF EXPERIENCE HERE AND HAVE BEEN WITH SEVERAL CHEATING WOMEN. Remember these things, when we know they have a man we fi.d out how yoj do things and we do them BETTER and sifferent. We pht your girl through the ringer and so everything under the sun. Ask and fhfill their fantasies i have every way. We want to send them back to you wishing you were us. When you try new things, we alreadh did it and she will remwmber…when yoh make feel as good as we did, she will remwmber us…no matter what you ever say or do to mend the relationship, she will remwmber us. Do you know how i know they will remwmber? Because SEVERAL of them have told me so. And i am a recovering cheater as well. ONCE SOMEBODH CHEATS ON YOH THERE CAN NEVER BE RESPECT THERE AGAKN MUCH LESS LOVE OR ANYTHKNG ELSE OF VALUE. DONT BE A WUSSY AND STAY WITH HER BECAUSE SHE BEGS YOU. SHE IS ONLY BEGGING YOH BECAUSE I TOLD HER I DIDNT WANT HER EITHER :-)i AND PEOPLE WHO TRY TO CONFESS AND MAKE IT UP TO THE OTHER PERSON ARE CRAZY TOO…YOU CANNOT MAKE IT UP…ONCE WEVE LABELED YOU ITS SET FOREVER. WE ONLY KEEP YOJ AROUND TO USE YOU AND MAKE OURSELVES FEEL POWERFUL…

    Reply
    • bobby

      true, very true, show some guts and not take her back,im tired of men being blamed about cheating more than the other! doesn’t make sense what gender really cause if a guy is cheating, my point is retards,he is going to be cheating whith another woman ,right? right and chances or stats show she is likely in a relationship as well!so what the fuck! truth is men, don’t ever take back a cheater,im sorry but its true, once they do it once ,they will do it again for sure!leave totally all together.no phone, change is the best answer,not blocking guys, that’s not going to cut it! the apps cant block a call, text yes, but calls no it impossible I heard! plus they can always call from a different # block them on any social web site!this will enrage them, but fuck em, why should you care about someone feelings who like hurting yours in the first place!that shit is dumb and for the desperate.do this and you will have justice I promise!!cause over 60% of cheaters get cheated on themselves lol and here is the kicker guys ,the guy who she left her for will get cheated on by her .lol,its true and they have enough nerve to be pissed!lol fucking retards!!

      Reply
      • Moe Lester

        I agree. “they do it once ,they will do it again for sure”
        Been in the same situation, I’ve always felt like she was hiding something, and it turned out I was right. I finally persuaded her into telling me everything that happened, in detail.
        I still have strong feeling for her, but I’m a strong man.
        So at the moment I’m only playing along with the relationship, faking it, making it look like everything is fine, she seems to regret what she did, she apologized countless times and she obviously is sorry and ashamed. And she loves me. Me as a person, AND the way I make her feel. But you can’t get me back with that. Once you broke my trust, it’s done.
        So basically I’m just stickin around for the sex, why wouldn’t I? There’s no downside in it, and once I meet someone else, I’m gonna break it off and ignore her totally, all of a sudden(that would get her a bit confused, won’t it?).
        I do love her, but there’s no way back. Or, maybe, after a lot of time, if she shows me she’s doin the effort. But that won’t work.
        I might be quite the vengeful individual, but hell. I couldn’t care less about how she will feel when she will find out I was only using her for sex, after the months of depression she’s put me through.
        If she’s a bitch, why wouldn’t I be one aswell?

    • DAVID V HOLDER

      God dont use me God forbid I’ve got enough problem worrying about one more less the four otherswifes I have but thanks I dont another

      Reply
  3. Veronica

    I cheated on my boyfriend of 6 years. I was lost.. we weren’t cmmunicating effectively and I was hurt that he hadn’t proposed when he said he would. WE were in couples counseling and things were improving but then I got a waitressing job for the sumer before i started my new career. I was in Grad school. I started at this restaurant and the chef swooned me. He was a pig. I fell for it. It was so nice to feel attractive, desired, special.. I didn;t see he was just a loser taking advantage of my vulnerable state due to the lack of time becasue of school and my failure to communicate in a clear way with my boyfriend causing me to assume things and tell myself he didn’t really love or want me. I cheated..i slept with the other guy 3 times. After 6 weeks, the night before i was about to start my new job I told my boyfriend I was moving out becasue I cheated on him. He had a no cheating policy. He was devastated. Shocked. So was I I don;t know how i did what i did. WHo i was then.. I truly don’t. He is such a good man and we had such a beautiful bond. He wound up proposing to me a week later. I challemnged him. Told him i thought it was becasue he was afraid, that we needed to take things slow and see if we could get past what i di. He tried so hard for 3.5 months. we were talking about me moving back in… we were in couples again, but The other guy would not lewave me alone. he was relentless.. I was still talking to him on occasion, my boyfriend found out.. I stopped talking to him finally but he had made me question everything. Telling me my man could never trust me and would never be happy again.. I was such a fool… I finally told him to leave me alone, but at that point my boyfriends pain and anger set in and he said he was done. That I broke his heart. That he oculd never forgive me becasue he doesnt understand how i was capable of what i did. I don’t know how i was either.. I am so sad. I don’t know how this happened. He told me he will always love me but not to wait for him when I told him i didn’t want to give up, that I would wait for him.. he is sleeping with a woman now. It’s been 2 full months since he told me it was over. We have a little bit of contact. Most recently he told me he doesn’t think i understand how badly my “mistake” hurt him.. I asked him to please share with me what this has done to him.. He said he didn’t want to talk right then.. I love this man more then anyone i have ever loved in my entire life. We had issues, but I need to get him back. I don’t know what to do. Should I give him space? HE is very guarded and private person. Quiet. Afraid of initmacy.. I burned him.. Badly.. I don’t know how i did this…Im scared the more space I give the farther away he will go.. I was in such a low place before I did what I did.. I have been working on myself in therapy and am back to church. I need another chance. What should I do?

    Reply
    • Anon

      Veronica,
      I don’t know if this will help but it’s worth a try. I was in almost exactly the same situation but on the side that was cheated on. I won’t go into the gory details about the whole thing but will just give you the short version. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for 5 years now. Back in Jan I found out that she was sending inappropriate texts to a co-worker. I never had looked at her phone in the past, but some other things happened that made me suspicious so I looked and found them. As far as the graphic nature they were more hinting than flirting than graphic but the stung the same as any other cheating. When I confronted her about it we had a huge 3 day argument where I almost broke up with her but ultimately didn’t because I love her more than anything. She promised that if I stayed things would be different and she never had anything physical with this guy (according to her) so that helped my decision a little bit. I don’t think I could get past this if she had had sex with him. The fact that your boyfriend tried and then you kept contact with this guy probably cemented his decision, and thinking, that he won’t ever be good enough to keep you without you straying again (whether true or not). One of my conditions was that she erase this guy from her phone and facebook and to not contact him anymore except by email and for work purposes (no social interaction). Even though it bothers me that they still work together, I thought my deal seemed fair and was not too much to ask. I keep an eye on her phone now and I noticed they started texting again just recently. Nothing sexual in nature from what I can tell but it bothers me all the same. I was hoping from your prospective what is going on in a girls mind when she is doing this? I know my girlfriend loves me and she had often apologized for jepordizing our relationship before. But now she is falling into the same trap again with this guy. To make things worse, we also got engaged between the incident and the new texts and now im wondering what I should do. She doesn’t know I know about the recent texts. Do I confront her? Do I call this guy and tell him to stay away or else I’ll tell his wife. Should I just go ahead and tell his wife? Basically I want to marry her but I can only do so with this other guy removed from our life completely (obviously I can’t do anything about them working together[its only 1 day a week]. So my question is what would be most effective for you to stop talking to your guy? I’ve tried to explain that this guy doesn’t care about her or what happens to her. I told her that he probably sends inappropriate texts to multiple girls because that’s how these guys operate. I get that it feels good to have some like you because I think that’s very natural, but what I don’t understand is why you would jepordize what you do have, where I give her plenty of love, respect, and tell her she is the most beautiful girl inside and out I have ever known every day. Why is that worth less than some flirty text messages? If it isn’t, why is it worth risking for them? I’m lost and I need your help from the other side of the situation. I know some will say I’m being naive and should leave. But in those past 5 years I’ve fallen in love with her and I know she loves me despite her recent issue.

      Reply
      • Veronica

        She doesn’t think its as serious as it is. Hats all I can say. She is thinking she can talk her way out of things.. Leave the other guy out of it. He’s a pug. He will do it again to someone else doesn’t matter what u do. U need to tell her u saw it, that she needs to move out and figure out what she wants and that’s it. Let her know u are serious and trust that the universe will take care of things. Don’t let her treat u this way. You are better than that. Worth more. She will see. Hopefully before its too late. Good luck!

      • Danlinton

        Dis goes to u iva, u seem not to be principled. dis is wat men ar known for. she’s getin past her boundary and u are complementing her bad manners. or ar u afraid of losing her. she startd d other friendship and is also in d position to end it. don’t be a fool for love. let her know u know wat u want and stp bein too much of a nice guy to her and those many complement u give her. dat why she is ill treating u. i refer u to dis website sosouavenewsletter on google. hv a nice time.

      • Phil

        Anon,
        I feel for you and would like to offer you some insight. You are making decisions with your heart not your mind and gut. The heart can easily be manipulated into believing that it will not be hurt again….. It’s the least painful thing to believe. Here is the reality, you know in your intelligent mind and you already have the gut feeling….the one that tells you she will always do this, the one that shows you what she is exactly capable of . Anon, it is only the tip of the iceberg. She is deceptive to say the very least, she keeps secrets and does not keep her word, you and your heart are not number one with her. She chooses to please another man and herself with cheap thrills at the expense of deceiving you after you already have her another chance. Let your heart hear the same bells as your mind and gut …. Then make a decision based on reality not your warped sense of wishes and hopes and happily ever after illusion of reality. It’s very likely that they had sex prior to the first time you finding out, it’s also likely that they stopped communicating if ever only for a very short time and then just became a like more careful about deleting texts, and limiting to hours most likely to not be found out. The job should not have been a factor especially if it was only one day per week as you stated. She should have quit the job and washed toilets if she had to to eliminate any and all contact. She was only sorry you found out not that she actually hurt you. Of course it looked genuine and unique … The tears , the vows of love, the I can’t live with out you , the I’ll do anything and all the empty promises and of course you listened with your heart that with each tear and promise she made …your heart felt a little better , a little less hurt . Basically your heart was bamboozeled by a con. She can’t be trusted. I wish you well.

    • ryan

      Fuck you. My gf cheated on me and that shit killed me. I couldnt eat or sleep. I got so skinny. Everyone would comment on it. I would get so mad too. Because she even made a comment about it when she saw me after those months. I wanted to punch her in the stomach. You shouldnt go back.to him. You destroyed him and you should let him find someone who cant even fathom the idea of hurting him in the way you did. All you can do is learn from your mistake(which btw idk why you put quotes on it because obviously it is a mistake due to your tone ) and move on and find someone you cant imagine cheating on with.

      Reply
      • bobby

        good for you man! stand up and say fuck you! I like it! cause everybody gets hurt by a whore girlfriend,like you I lost weight too but my problems are much more its because I have cancer! and she left me , thought it was her lol yeah right bitch don’t flatter yourself! some of it was but the sad thing is that I am dying, and my sons mother went with a meth freak guys like 50 ,looks 60!dont worry my brother I have full confedeince she will get what she deserves from karma! its really underated!dont ever trust a woma guys don’t hate them! just don’t trust them,shit even the bible says that in a nice way!lol eve ate the apple, or cock I should say!you do know that’s what the apple stands for?

      • John

        I was cheating on and feel the same like you wrote:. “Find some one who you could bit imagine cheating on”

    • Loui

      if you love him, then leave him alone and let him carry on with his life!

      I am in a relationship where something like this happened and although we are trying to make things work, things are just not as the same as always and there is always that issue.. after a year of back together, everything just wants to fall apart and I as a male am still questioning myself if I am doing the right thing! :@ it makes me angry to read your comment, to think that he should be with someone like you. In the same situation, I feel the same way with my current gf. I am so fucked up in the head now I never used to be like this! :@

      Reply
    • wtf

      Leave him alone, you hurt him just to get attention and to feel attractive, a very bad reciprocation of his love for you. He deserves happiness and you cannot give it to him. So just leave him alone and next time have some self respect.

      Reply
    • virat

      Hey vVeronica, I am going through the same situation right now, my ex cheated on me severel times, and i was a fool to forgive her again and again(approximately 3 time i forgiven her)..but at last i realised that she cant be loyal to me no matter how much i keep her happy or try to make her feel special.. f*ck, finally i decided to kick her out my life and to move on with someone who is better than her..but kindly speaking even after i quite on her i am not able to move on with anyone else, i still love that cheating ass and i dont knw why?..
      I will come to the point now, what the shit you cheaters think before cheating on someone who badly loves you a lot, playing with someone’s feeling is not that good(even if you dont mean) you should think twice before you doing something wrong(not specially you, i mean it to every cheater reading my reply)..and honestly speaking this is the best thing tour ex have done ever..atleast you have realised that how he was feeling when you cheated on him, cheaters are those person who will never wipe their dirty ass even after getting so much of love..

      Sorry if my wordsis hurting you, whatever i said was my opinion for a cheater,THANX

      Reply
    • DAVID V HOLDER

      Well I would talk to him real quick I mean ral time is fleeting and we may not have tomorro or even be in a postion to talk trust me I know

      Reply
    • rzvcam

      I think you should leave him alone. You cheated on him THREE fucking times, continued to talk to the other guy and still have the nerve to try and see yourself as the victim?! The ONLY reason that man is still talking to you is not because he wants you back, but because he loves you and he is in a very vunlerable state because of what you did to him. And he will be like this for quite some time. What you are doing is taking advantage of that weakness wich makes you an even worse person. Just let him be, it will be better for both of you. Try to learn something out of this mistake instead of trying to fix a relationship who already died the first time you cheated. This is just my opinion but i went through a similar situation with an ex and it ended worse because i gave her another chance. Move on.

      Reply
    • ALF

      Should you give him more space? You need to get out of his life and let him get on with it. You had your chance, and you had your second chance. Stick a fork in it girlie, it’s done.

      Reply
  4. Veronica

    I just want to say with an attitude like the one of the guys in the first and 5th comment, good luck to you.. People make mistakes.. mistakes.. When people are in love and life happens and things get tough AMD schedules and communication get messy.. Shit happens.. Insecurities rise, other people might step in and see the weakness and prey on it.. Everyone makes mistakes.. Cheating doesn’t have to do with not loving your partner or a level of respect or ability to be honest for many women.. It really has nothing t do with their man.. Its for many women an insecurity issue.. Low self worth… Old baggage and wounds that they may not have dealt with And when relationships get hard for one reason or another – schedules, family, money, these things the low self worth stuff, come front and center and people make mistakes.. Forgiveness is possible. So is rebuilding… If you go through life the way u guys sound that sounds miserable… Angry.. If u love someone u understand they are human. And if they are sorry, they explain what was going on for them, how it manifested and commit to rebuilding.. And communicating better u are a fool to think that a vengeful approach… A cut her off approach, an immature strategy of pretending she doesn’t exist will set u free, help u heal or serve u in any way… Grow up guys.. Seriously.. We are all human… And most of us are good people who get lost sometimes.. Maybe the women you are talking about truly suck. But let me assure you that great women, honest good loving devoted women get lost sometimes and make mistakes and you lose if you don’t see that.

    Reply
    • Bill

      “Grow up guys.. Seriously.. We are all human… ”

      Indeed, we are all human. That is why I 100% support the no-contact rule. I refuse to respond to my ex’s attempts at communications because I AM only human, and she has already contributed so much negative energy to my life. It is not immature; actually quite the contrary. People who choose the path of infidelity over honest and open dialogue with their partner are the ones who have some growing up to do. I have grown TOO MUCH to leave space in my life for dishonest and self-serving individuals.

      I hope that you can grow enough to realize that regardless of the method your ex chooses in order to deal with your betrayal, you brought it on yourself.

      Reply
      • Bill

        PS. Playing the victim here goes to show you really have not owned up to the dishonest choices you willingly made.

        RE: “Insecurities rise, other people might step in and see the weakness and prey on it.. Everyone makes mistakes..”

      • John

        Hey Bill ;

        After reading everything, I was starting to be convinced that it would be allright for me to forgive her.After reading your comment about your situation, I feel a lot stronger as to do otherwise.I am just sick of feeling the way I do.Our situations are similar.There are a lot to be discovered in this beautiful world with a lot of beautiful people.I just want to thank you.

      • DAVID V HOLDER

        oh wellI dont what To say but im going to have dinner besides this site is back in 2015 love you all but Ive got to go

    • Bonny

      This is a crock…cheaters are inconsiderate selfish beings that should never engaged in any relationship.

      Reply
    • steve

      There are mistakes and then there are mistakes….While I agree with the tone I don’t agree with the attitude of some of the other posts (they are obviously angry). For you to do this to your partner….shows a lack of respect, concern, and caring for him. It also show a serious lack of character and judgment on your part. You should leave him alone. He trusted you once and you violated that trust…he trusted you again (knowing of you indiscretion) and you willfully and callously violated that trust again. Maybe you can change…but right now you are a bad person. I’m sorry.

      Reply
    • Zach

      Cheating on your SO is not a mistake. It’s not like leaving the iron plugged in or forgetting to lock the door when you leave because you were in a rush. THOSE are mistakes.

      Cheating on your SO is willful and intentional. You didn’t just trip and fall down and “OOPS THIS GUYS DICK JUST FELL INTO MY MOUTH!!!”

      But hey, if you want to keep lying to yourself (and everyone around you) by trying to avoid any personal responsibility for your actions, go for it.

      Ohh, but its your “schedule” and “messy communication” and “low self-worth” and “old baggage” and “insecurities” and besides, “everyone makes mistakes” right? You certainly cannot and should not be expected to shoulder the blame for your actions!! Society made you do it, you had no other choice!!!

      Keep dreaming, you dirt ball.

      Reply
      • bobby

        this guy has a point! that’s like stabbing someone in the back and to pull the knife out and say ohh I’m sorry I made a mistake!lol really people like murder you cant take that shit back! leave a cheater like the piece of shit they are! sooner or later they will run out of toilett paper to wipe their ass and you up with! trust me, then its there turn!lol

    • wtf

      A mistake is when you put salt in your coffee instead of sugar or when you reverse your car and hit someone else’s bumper. Cheating is not a mistake, it’s just a pure selfish act and nothing else. How can someone have sex with someone else other than the person they are committed to, be a mistake? Oh i am sorry i mistook that other person to be you honey my bad.. is that what it is? Please stop trying to justify one’s selfish and sinful act as a mistake. Sinful why? Because you hurt the person who loves you and that is a sin.

      Reply
    • Brad

      “And you lose if you dont see that.”
      Yes, we are all human and we do make mistakes. Sometimes we forget to turn off the air conditioning before going to work, or we forget a birthday, or tell a white lie to play hookey from work. These things are mistakes. Cheating is a choice. A decision is made to betray and put everything into jeopardy. Including your health. And, you need to trust my advice, there is no regaining what was lost. Period. Everyone thinks they are “unique” or “special” in some fashion. They are not. Keep this in mind.. i wasted a lot of years trying to understand the whys and what nots. It boils down to such simple things. Your “gut” instinct. Its called that for a reason. Its there to protect you from dangerous situations. Listen to it. If she cheats and lies, she is not putting you first. Period.

      Reply
      • Ron

        Guys and Girls, somebody missed the point. Having sex with someone you have to have a emotional connection, and you get that through trust and character. when you find out she/he is cheating you have to force them into the other camp. let them take them Life is to hard to take care of a cheater. I want to make a point here, the other person or third party is just looking for sex, he does not want a wife and she does not want a husband. within 72 hours they will be fighting and they will want to come home. even cheaters know cheating is bad. if a girl cheats on Wednesday and does not come home to thursday make it so she has to leave and by Friday put her stuff to the door. You will be surprised what she does for a place to sleep, by sunday reality would have set in. suddenly the party is over and everyone went home, the cheater is no longer the center of attentio, life goes on with or with out them. By monday morning she will be thinking I need my own place…..and thats is the end of her self worth. Watch it burn, because shes going to hurt alot. when you talk to her and she says she is confused, do not buy it. she was not confused when she was cheating, she knew what she was doing. When she says she is confused, she is telling you, yes I was cheating and banging this guy all weekend long. Cheating is a lie, everything that comes from the mouth of a cheater is a lie. Do not waste your time with them Throw them back into the pond, there is plenty of fish. Trust me, she is not the one, there is 4 billion females on this planet, I am certain one of them can be your perfect one. Give it time and move on, life is short…..

    • Jacob

      OkVeronica well I have a question…me and my gf are in an LDR I’ve never cheated and we get on and off but I love her but I can’t trust her anymore becaus of the past she has cheated so much but idk what to do we are currently back together but every time I feel like I just can’t trust her ….I have these women I turn down daily but what about her does she turn down guys for me ?I love her more than anything still but getting cheating on changes you and I’m trying but I can’t be naive anymore idk what to do I want to stay but don’t trust If she talking to other guys still sometimes or idk what to do

      Reply
    • Lol

      Dear vonny,
      That was a really long way to say “I’m a dumb dirty whore with absolutely no conscious. I literally need different dick inside of me to feel pretty and accepted. And it was only a mistake because the guy I was cheating on my man with was a pig ”

      Ma’am, YOU are a pig. Nothing swine’lier than refusing to put effort into something as basic as communication or remaining faithful with your significant other. How much effort did you put in riding other dudes dick, or setting up meeting places or times? How many times did you ignore your man’s texts or calls or plans for the other? I can promise much more than you did talking or spending time with the man you were in a committed relationship with. I love how you casually shrug it off and have a full list of excuses ready, it seems like you have spent more time on that list also than you did communicating and being faithful – which are the two basic functions in any relationship. Bored and lonely? Buy a dildo, you dildo! You remind me alot of my ex who cheated on me God only knows how many times for a multitude of neurotic reasons. I should have walked away and let her catch something, just like he should you. You don’t deserve him, you deserve the pig. You get to lay in the bed as you make it.

      Reply
      • Gabriel

        I just want to put this out there for everyone who wants to take their cheating ex back male or female ok. Listen just don’t do it to yourself and I’m not saying anything like fuck them they are whores or etc nope just don’t do it. A relationship comes down to respect as long as you and that other person respect each other then you can love them and vice versa and that won’t result in cheating. I’ve been cheated on by my ex so much and every time I took her back she cheated again . You will always doubt the person and won’t trust them as much as you did the first time you met each other and that will murder your relationship . The best thing to do is move on and find another person and love that person and treat them like more than anything in this world your ex will always be reminded that you never cheated on him/her and they may have problems with who ever they are currently with and karma may strike but forget them and move on . I get text from my ex on the daily I swear to God and I always laugh and never answer . She called me for the first time last week and I told her I’m with someone and she cried and I said non chalantly , you did this to yourself and now I give 0 fucks about you . It probably didn’t phase her but hey doesn’t matter the point is treat your gf or be like a king or queen but once they cheat and hopefully they don’t then leave and don’t look back especially if you never cheated on them . It’s a million other men and women who want someone who will be loyal so be that person and never question what you did wrong if you know you were right . They cheated because they were lonely or whatever reason but always remember there isn’t a double standard to cheating if you never cheated on them then why did you cheat on me and make me endure this pain. Always remember and wish you guys the best??✌?️✌?

  5. Jake

    Here’s my situation. About ten years ago I dated this girl in high school, I was completely in love with her. She had cheated on everybody she had dated. She ended up having sex with one of my friends which she claims was a terrible mistake. 6 months later she did it again with the same guy and it ended. Fast forward to present day. I saw her out like a year ago and we exchanged a couple of messages because her number never changed. She had an on again, off again bf of like the last 8 years. Nothing really came of these messages, just chit-chat really. Anyway, a couple of months ago we started talking on the phone. Nothing sexual or scandalous was said. We met up (keep in mind, she still had a boyfriend) and basically hit it off and dumped her bf 2 weeks later. Now here is the thing, should this be worrisome? She never let me say or do anything that could be construed as more than platonic while she was with her bf. She wouldn’t let me even hug her when we met up. She told me she isn’t like how she used to be, hasn’t cheated on her bf in six years, even though the relationship literally had no affection for those years. I pass the former cheating as being young and immature (like under age 21). Is the saying really true: “once a cheater, always a cheater?” Or do I have nothing to worry about? I mean, if she broke up with me before any type of scandalous behavior started, like with her ex, I’d be totally ok with that compared to being technically cheated on. Any thoughts on this? My extreme love for her has already returned, but I wonder if cheaters can be reformed. She did tell me once that she is absolutely disgusted by her former behavior towards me, and that gave me comfort. Let me know what you think.

    Reply
    • Jake

      Oh and to add to the above story, when she did cheat before, she told me about it right after and broke it off. I mean, her character wasn’t complete trash back then, I guess.

      Reply
    • Jeff

      Move on bro …she left her bf two weeks later . It’s not worth it to take the risk just move on let her be alone forget the love notion you have for her. She cheated before and now you want another go around ? She cheated twice with the same guy and it wasn’t a mistake no matter how you think she feels about it it wasn’t a mistake bro . Leave her completely because you will always love her until you move on and she is banking on that so she will eventually say hey but don’t answer . I’m not gonna say fuck that bitch like any other guy would but just say to yourself do I really wanna go down this path again ?
      It’s up to you bro w e your decision is hope it doesn’t end bad . You will probably take her back though ik that fit sure because it’s embedded in your brain and your only on here to see what others will think

      Reply
  6. Veronica

    Ummm how old are u? 23-24? I hope so if u are still talking about highschool and holding someone to behavior they did when they were a developing child. This is gonna be the last time I get on here.. In think I found this site in error and was hoping for some solac, but the level of immaturity is so profound.. U guys are struggling cause u are babies still. Fu*k find yourselves, be men. If a girl u met in highschool comes around give her a shot if u want. And if u don’t then don’t. But don’t hold her to some bullshit moral code from a decade or more ago.. As for the “saying” once a cheat always a cheat… Well again.. I think if in were more mature which I truly hope I am not.shooting below the mark And assuming you are bn 20-24.. Then you know that people fuck up. Like happens.. Schedules.. Finances.. Unemployment.. Employment.. Job security.. Finances.. Self esteem.. Existencial crisis’s.. All that shit is real.. Get ready brother.. Then .. And then.. Pose the question. She was a kid. If u like her then forgive her…. For YOU holding her to some holy expectation and then making her feel shame for fucking exploring, making mistakes and finding her way.. And if u arent sure you can do that then go find some placeholder with a petty smile to settle down with and pop babies out with. God bless you if you start living and seeing that we are all human and we all make mistakes. I hope your placeholder with a smile is forgiving. Xxoo

    Reply
    • Veronica

      PS. Jake… You really are an asshole.. Complete trash??!! How dare you? Who judges and talks like that. Get a reality check.. Really. I hope she tells u to fuck off. You need more life experience… She deserves better.

      Reply
      • Jake

        Listen you fucking idiot, when the fuck did I say anything about holding her to “some bullshit moral code” or a “holy expectation?” All I asked in my situation was is her past (with me) anything I should worry about. And for fucks sake, when is not wanting her to take dick from another guy while she is with me a “holy expectation?” Hot damn, I trust her completely, I was mainly looking for other opinions on if my decision to go all-in is a smart move, and if I should just chalk it up to being immature and young. I wasn’t asking for some victim-blaming bullfuck from some cheating feminist twat.

  7. Veronica

    Aaannddd. There you have it… Best of luck to you bud… Truly..Lol.. U will get just what you are looking for

    Reply
    • Brian

      Veronica hes kinda right. Believe it or not men do want to have a steady gf/wife. When things happen like this you kinda devalue yourself. Why would anybody chase somebody who portrays this behavior?……As for making a “mistake”, thats completely fine but accept the consequences!….it takes a lot of thought and lack of morals to sleep with someone you have no emotional attachment with when there’s somebody in youre life who does value you…….woman want men to value them, well give us something to value first

      Reply
    • Lou

      Stop defending yourself and giving yourslef reasons as to why this is accepatable :@ please stfu you have no fucking idea whst its like to be cheated on by a person you love greatly. After 2-3 years the thoughts still HAUNT me even so that they can come back to me and I dont know why. For whatever depressing reasons you CHOSE to cheat, fuck using your explanations of finances and all those other pathetic excuses. Oh okay, let me fuck another chick and then tell the other partner others makes mistakes and this was the reason. Bitch you made your decision during the worst time and the only way you could help yourself feel better was to fuck a dick for the day. The first stepcis to damn own up to your mistake during your worst times. It wasnt because of the worst times you made this decision. It was your WORST decision at the time!

      Reply
  8. Jim

    Best thing you can do if a woman cheats is just laugh and tell her how dumb she is and that you’re not attracted to her at all anymore, and that she’s not worth anything. Then act like its true.

    Reply
  9. Jacob

    Well I read all the comments above and to each its own, but this is how I view it Jake. You should think about it from all angles and perspectives. For example; ask yourself if you would be ok to consider this excheater/men eater woman to be the mother of your future kids(?). If that doesn’t snap you out of it, proceed to the second question: What would you tell your own son if he gets in the same position you are now with that same type of woman? Still haven’t snapped out of it? Ok. How about, Will you be ok to give oral sex to her knowing how many other penises have cum all over there? Will you be able to block the thoughts and images if all the other men who busted all kinds of nuts on top of her, or much worst to make her your wife and have her bump into one of her past lovers while she is holding your hand while saying hi to him, all while you know he knows every single inch of your wifes body? Can you trust her she would never encounter ine of her past lovers and go fck him for a week? Will it make a difference if she did it after dumping you first or while with you hiding it from you? Are you willing to marry a woman with her history and reputation? Are you willing to put all your life, time, effort, your money, your car, your house, your pension, your well being and marry this person? In the name of what? Love? Fck love man, love is for women, logic is for men, you need to think with your head and listen to your guts logic here. The same instintcs that made you question yourself and come here and post it. Sorry man life is real and the stuff we see on the movies are not the norm. Would you be ok with being known in town as the dude who married the town cheating slut? Good luck man, you know whats the best choice for you, its up to you if you want to risk yourself in denial or be good to yourself and find someone with better judgement, moral, values, boundaries, self respect, who can honor herself, her reputation and her future husbands as well and find someone with a better view on respecting herself and life.

    Veronica;
    Yes people make mistakes. But also remember that everything in life has consequences, good or bad. You cant expect others to put up with all your flaws, lack of character, bad judgement, low values, low morals, etc., and demand much less expect them to accept you without no concern just because you think “omg no body is perfect” , “we all make mistakes” and that kind of inmature boloni as justification. Another thing, is one thing making a mistake once, but after the second time, its not a mistake anymore, is a pattern. And to conclude, there is a reason why society tell girls to be good woman and to be honest and loyal, because once you get the stinch of being a whore/slut it will never comes off. Hence the saying “once a whore, always a whore”. Reason why ladies protect their reputation and dont go whoring around, to avoid the horrible consecuenses and its stench. You can never erase your past, thats why one must be wise in how we write it!!!!

    Reply
    • Jake

      Well there’s a bit of a difference in what you are saying and what had happened. First off, I’ve been with more women than she has with men at this point, so it isn’t like it’s going to turn into a Chasing Amy situation where I can’t get over her past partners. Second, she makes way more money than I do so it would be her gambling all of those things you listed off on me. Third, her actions since we were teenagers is totally different. Yeah, she cheated on me 10 years ago, but I can’t say that I’m the same person 10 years ago, so she probably isn’t either. She’s only been with 4 people since me, and I’ve been with over 20. The last guy she was with (for over 6 years) she didn’t cheat on, so I feel comfortable in my decision to pursue her again. I’ve made up my mind that what we had before was a couple immature kids who were attracted to each other, and it was just bad timing. We’ve talked about what happened years ago at length and I trust her. She has said that she didn’t know what she wanted, and she feels disgusted by what she did. If it turns out to be a bad decision, I’ll deal with it, but she is already my best friend.

      Reply
      • Kenny

        I am going through the same thing other than I had a few conversations with a few girls and ended up with pictures at the end. This happened 2 years in and then again around the 4.5 year mark. We got engaged after making it through a few of my mistakes, but now we are over and I found some conversations with a guy twice her age that she was cheating. She has been my best friend for 6 years and it is heart breaking to find out. Although she ended it with me, but will not divulge the truth of what happened between that guy and her. I know something happened due to the type of conversation they had. They never mentioned sex, but there is no way it has not happened. I still love her and we have only been separated for 3.5 weeks and no contact for about 1 week, but I miss what we had. I hope that one day we will be able to rekindle our love and trust again. We are only 22(her) and 26(me). I appreciate everyone’s thoughts above and it has helped me with getting through my hard times.

  10. Painless

    My story short. I was left on the streets when I turned 15 yo. I was working during the night to be able to support myself to highschool and stuff. When I turned 17, I meet her. She was 21, in college. She quit college and got a job only to be able to support me throw highschool. I finished highschool (great notes). Than I got a job, moved togheter, etc. At 20 yo I allready had my own business in marketing. At 22 yo I allready had my 2nd business (in same time) . Because I was young, I got scammed by someone and risked everything on one single “bet”. I lost everything I built. Than I got another job, made some money and got associated in another business wich I made enough money to buy a small house at the country side. In the end because of a new law, the business had to be closed. I was jobless again and no cash. Same with her at that time. I sold the land and house and we paid rent, food and stuff for a while (like 20.000 pounds). Than she got me to invest the rest of my money in her sister’s business wich I lost everything. We didnt even had money for food, lots of debts to friends and so on. Looking in the newspaper to job ads, we saw that companies looking for good looking girls for erotic massage, pay was cash, daily. We talked…I agreed, But I said no kissing, fu*ing, or other crap. She sweared that she will not do it. Well… she started doing good money, and more an more money day by day. Every day she kept saying that she just got good tips or had rich clients and so on. At some point I told her to stop going there and get a normal job, we allready wore out of s*it. She REFUSED because the money wore good. I said I love her…ill accept that, even if it was hurting like hell, every night when I was going to bed alone, knowing that she is giving a happy ending to an old man. God it was hurting sooo bad. I never cried in my life but I did than. I was even feeling my own soul crying every single night for 2 years. Than, in one night, I tried to kill myself because of the pain (I wasnt thinking straight) . I got the knife, went in bathroom and cut my vens (but for some reason I didnt do it well and I fainted). I waked up after few hours, a little dizzy and scared. I was just realising what have I done. And i said to myself I need to take atitude. I quit my job, and went in another country (without knowing anyone) looking to make myself a new life. Well…I got lucky, got employed, and after 4 months I allready had an management position (still working to that job). Money … is not a problem anymore. But life was empty without her. I said to her that im going to get a job and not that im broking up with her. Well…in the end I bringed her to me. I found her a job, etc. She keep pressing me to get merried. I said to her one day that Ill get merried if she cammes with me to the lie detector and proofs that she is clean…im getting merried in same day. She refused (wich sounded awkward). I put some pressure on her and I said if she doesnt do that…im finished with her. Than she told me that she was cheating on me for 2 years, every single night, by doing sex with other, all type of sex, for money. BUT she did it only because she wanted to help me get out from sh*it , to have enough money for bills and rent and stuff. She did it for us. And that she didnt felt pleasure not for a second… Well…now im mindfu*ed. I have never cheated on her. Never. Im a 6.6 tall guy, good looking, smart (as my life experience proofs). But for me…she was the center of earth. She was my 1st and only one in bed. 1st kiss. Etc. 8 years togheter (6 living togheter). I dont do alcohool, dont like clubs, im more the guy who relax watching the ocean in the night. The main problem is: we both are alone at this time. None of us have parents or relatives….also no good friends to count on. I can manage my life alone… but she… she has no skills. Except working in kitchen or factory. Also, she doesnt have a place to go, no one to talk to. And especially we are both in a foreign country. The thing is that it hurted me so much finding this. It hurts so much than I rather die. I lost allmost 100.000 euros in one day (all my businesses) and It didnt hurt. I went home and when I saw her in the door…in my soul was joy 🙂 Now, im about to buy an apartment. She wants to buy the apartm. togheter. I was living in the lie … my dream girl becammed my number 1 enemy. There is no trust anymore, at all. But I love her with all my power, with all my strength. But im afraid to go further. I dont want to be divorced, splitting fortune, making and loosing kids, and so on. Im about to kill myself because of the pain. Can’t cope with it anymore. And my mind is stucked. Dont send me to an psychologist (I have a degree as one).

    Reply
    • Jay

      Man please pray quickly to The LORD for comfort and instruction. Dude I’m terribly sorry to have read about your ordeal. Best wishes and good luck. I have no other advice in my earthly ignorance other than not to give up on yourself.

      Reply
    • Dalinton

      U made her do what she did. she obeyed u bcos she loves u, wen u pressured her she told u d truth.situation made life bcame like dat for u two and now she has quit d job bcos u wanted her to u two have been thru dis kind of hard times and hve come together again.pls forgive her and marry her. But let her not repeat it again she realy loves u to have gone such a mile for u two only fear made her not to tell u wat she was doing those while. let by gone be by gone. she can be trusted. give her the chance again. i bet u will be happy again. hve a nice time.

      Reply
    • wtf

      Go to a couple counselling and talk it out, all that pain and anger is not good for the both of you.

      Reply
  11. Renier

    Hey guys,

    I met this girl a few months ago and at that time she had a boyfriend so I had no interest in her at the time, a couple of months ago we ran into each other again and she started texing me and so on, I still didn’t make any moves on her or anything, one day she texted me and said that she and her boyfriend have been having a lot of problems and she is living in the spare room and things are pretty much over between the two of them. I believed her and started pursuing her. Long story short we needed up together, been long together the past 3 months. I noticed that she still had contact with her ex from time to tim and I didn’t feel compatible with it and I told her that and she said she will break all ties with him. This happened about 4 times. Yesterday I found out she went over to his house to talk to him about things and I confronted her about it. She promised that it is now over between them and she has decided that I am what she wants. I don’t know if I should believe her or not. She has lied to me about seeing and talking to him before and I just can’t bring myself to believe her. Am I overreacting? She is 18 and I am 26 so I understand she is still young and people make mistakes but can I trust her again? Should I or so I just move on before she does it again?

    Reply
    • Jake

      Honestly man, girls who are that young don’t know what they want. I’ve dated a few young one’s and really they are just for fun, not to fall in love with. I know that’s easier said than done, but really I would keep my guard up.

      Reply
  12. Jessica

    I was cheated on too by my boyfriend of almost 3 years and I forgave him but I never forget it. I always wanna cry about it and I have no trust. Im scared of losing him though I love him still

    Reply
    • Matt

      Jessica, I must say that Ive read through a lot of these comments on here as I’m in a similar situation as most people here. The only thing I can say is that the trust is most likely going to be an issue. I still have trust issues with with My ex. She claims to want to work it out, but this guy is still contacting her. She tells me she loves me, but the reality is that she has no idea what she wants. The choice as difficult as it may be is to let him go as I will let her go. It’s going to be difficult, but it will continue to be difficult if you stay in that relationship. I am finding it hard myself and struggle to sleep at night because I have allowed myself to believe this woman is the one I’m meant t be with. If she was “the one,” would the stereotypical “one” ever do that to someone they love? The reality is, No. Please wipe that out of your thoughts. People cheat for many reasons. Most of which are a lack of feeling appreciated and or getting bored. Nothing more you can do with a cheater. They made the mistake and now they have to learn their lesson. He will realize the mistake he made or find common company among other cheaters. Don’t keep yourself in that situation as I’m not keeping myself in mine any longer. Good luck with your healing process.

      Reply
      • Ron

        Respect is the issue Cheaters go out of there way to establish a emotional connection before they cheat. Cheating is a callous cold act. maybe one of the worst. Please get rid of the cheater and move on and do something good for yourself.

  13. Shaun

    I’m currently in the same boat. Started seeing an ex after 2 years of no speaking after she started seeing someone else behind my back. Didn’t have the balls to tell me and ended up getting with him then treating me like shit for months and still not admitting it. Until a year later he left her for someone else (karma). Now I’m wondering why I’m entertaining this bitch again. Like someone said, would I want this woman to be the mother of my kids? Would I fuck. Better cut things off with her but do I drop the bombshell or just go off the radar?

    Reply
  14. Kyle

    So I figured out that my ex-girlfriend has cheated on me while on a trip to Nicaragua for a program. She told me two days after she came back from her trip in which she seemed very remorseful. She actually broke up with me because of how badly she felt. She cheated with a guy who lives in Boston. Like I really want to get back together with her but when I asked her if she could stop talking to the guy, she didn’t agree to it because the guy could help her with college essays and stuff. We are in high school in a little over a year long relationship with a 3 year friendship in the background. She also has no possible way to go to Boston to meet him in person. So my question to you is that, would it be possible for me to get back together with her? She showed me a text in which her and the guy she cheated on me with are only friends and nothing more.

    Reply
    • wtf

      Sorry man but you have got to let her go. You are still young and you will meet lots of different(and better) girls than her. If she has cheated on you before she may do it again, so let her go.

      Reply
  15. suvi

    i dont think its true …. a 2nd chance should be given but only if you can be dat strong ! otherwise it ends up hurting both of you … actually her more … she’ll feel guilty for everything …..

    Reply
  16. ben33

    I would give your ex one more chance. Everyone is entitled to making a mistake and sometimes your willingness to forgive can actually make their love for you stronger. I would take her back for the next few months I would routinely test her either with using key logging software on her computer to get into her fb etc or best go to a service like baitmydate dot com where they have good looking people that will message your gf and flirt etc and test their loyalty to you. My buddy swears by this and has the service performed on all of his new gfs lol

    Reply
  17. tucker

    Veronica it boils down to a woman’s entitlement. That’s the key word. ENTITLEMENT. A woman in a committed relationship steps out because life got a little thick and she couldnt control stripping down and jumping on another pole. And in today’s western beliefs and circuis of pop-culture stupid confusion and legal system might I add if your a man you have no choice but to forgive and forget. Haha. I walked in on my daughters mother with an ex bf of hers. That’s straight murder to the soul. I loved her more than humanity. She told me she did as well. . .and what a dumb bastard was I. If someone cheats whether it be a man or woman it shows little integrity and depth with a poor character. A person who would go this low doesn’t take commitment seriously and more than likely never fully will. People like this in my opinion deserve to burn in hell. . .ALONE! In my book that’s like shooting someone knowingly only to later realize the extent of the pain they caused. I’ve seen too many peoples lives destroyed because of a so called mistake by a selfish partner that claims they’re empathy and love for the partner they committed the emotional murder against. People shut down emotionally for the rest of they’re lives or worse yet turn the switch off physically because they gave everything to a #&%$ing devil that only had they’re own self interest in mind. You belong in this new world of takers my dear. Bottom line: you don’t deserve him and you never did. Least not til you wake up. SERIOUSLY

    Reply
  18. Mike

    Well here goes my story I was in love with this girl for 7 years and she cheated on me in July she has the night shift as a caregiver I asked her to marry me 3 years ago and we did it was great I thought everything was well but then come July she started telling me things like I don’t love u anymore I can see you don’t appreciate me anymore I would do everything for this girl and showed ur love and affection all the time then I was arrested and thrown in jail for a failure to appear I was in there for 2 weeks and when I came out she was still giving me the same story I started telling myself dos I really fuck up am I really not showing her these emotions she’s asking for plain and simple she was talking to some guy on a app called pof (plenty of fish) that brain washed her and she slept with him. I confronted her because I felt weird on the way she was acting so I pretty much snatched her phone and read a message saying this(I think I made a mistake I’m trying to forget you but it’s hard I feel confused if I made the right choice) I said what’s this she said it’s just a guy I was talking to. So me being a man fucking calls this guy and tell him be a fucking man and tell me .and he did and said that if I left her that he would be with her so I said fuckit keep the bitch. She starts crying and heads to work I text her while she’s at work and tells me she wants him and I say ok but were gonna talk in the morning when u get home she said ok but that’s she’s gonna pick up her things and leave to him. I was even more pissed to hear that so I created a fucking master plan when she got home I asked her to do it for the last time she said ok so I recorded it and fucking went crazy with it then while she was a king her shit I called him and told him what I had done and sent him the video he dumped her ass and she suddenly became homeless but I said fuckit keep the apartment I’ll leave and I did couple months later she calls me crying that if I can give her another chance but little did she know that I was already with someone else her friend but I did feel bad on the action I took on her and am recently slowly talking to her but now the issue is that she found out that I was fucking her friend and is always asking me about her how I did it were I took her shit like that I just don’t know cuz I was hurt even tho all the shit I did to ruin her happiness was because she ruined something that I thought was real I just don’t know if I should continue with her I left things alone with the guy she was with but its like now she can’t leave things alone with her idk I’m confused

    Reply
  19. Tommyk

    Look, if she’s gonna cheat she threw so many signs your way. Chances are you will and have missed them completely.

    I’ve had a girl cheat on me once, it was absolutely humiliating but I knew it was coming eventually. Sex was bad; i couldn’t last too long.

    just glad we weren’t that serious at the time… anyway took it as a priority and started taking responsibility for my life and worked on

    improving my sex life.

    Reply
  20. shultz

    i’ve been with mine for 20yrs .she:s cheating and i’ve discovered. now she says she’s sorry.imagine all the planning involved and the money.and time. all these behind my back,treating me like a fool.and then you say u r sorry.no way.let her rot in hello.

    Reply
    • B

      Hi there,
      I went through the same crap for over 2 years ..finally 6 months ago was the last straw. I finally realized my self worth and walked away, it was hard but what would have been harder is staying, find good friends and a great therapist and put yourself first. She will realize what she lost and you will realize how much better your life will be. Trust me I know it’s hard but close the door and just walk away, I’m sure your a wonderful person and deserve so much more. There really are much better people out there who are capable of treating you with LOVE, dignity and respect. Good Luck to you 🙂

      Reply
  21. Danlinton

    Dis goes to kyle. let her be. if u are still important to her she will realise it when u go away.stp behaving stupid around her, like if it not her there can never be any other. Visit dis site sosouave newsletter.com. on google.

    Reply
  22. Brandon

    I’ve been with my girlfriend for 4 years now and she has cheated on me 3 times. Some may say I’m a fool for trusting her after she has showed me that she shouldn’t be trusted. I love her so much but find I just don’t trust her and I’m not sure how to trust her. We have 3 kids (met her after she already had 3 and is unable to conceive again because of surgery. When I met her , her old was 5 her middle child was 1 1/2 and her daughter was 2 weeks old (I’m who she has grown up knowing as daddy. Part of the reason it hurt so much was because she told me that when she was cheating … She didn’t love me and was telling me she did because she needed me their to help her because she couldn’t raise her kids on her own. Almost every day she lies to me about little things which doesn’t exactly help me trust her again. Has anyone gone through this and was able to repair their trust again in their spouse. I ask because I love her so much and don’t want to end it because of my fear of her not allowing me to see our kids and well I love her (I’m a fucking fool). Please help!

    Reply
    • wtf

      No you are not a fucking fool, because that would be an insult to all the fucking fools in the world. You have reached a new level of idiocracy and dumbness the likes of which have never been seen before. For that i congratulate you sir and want to slap you at the same time. You sir are a pathetic loser and nothing else, those kids are not even yours and they will grow up disrespecting you treating you like dirt when they cone to know that you are just a 24 hr atm for them and nothing else. For the love of everything that is holy and pure grow a pair and have some self respect. WALK AWAY NOW.

      Reply
  23. E

    been on the web looking for answers and other opinions and testimony to deal with my own issue. Been with this girl for almost 4 years, had a lot of history and a lot of shit but ultimately i fell in love with her (albeit 2 and a half years in, after he claimed to love me couple of months in. Im a very detached and emotionless person.) Ive always had a rough exterior and seem to be overly aggressive in my manner of speaking and judging the women I’ve been with in terms of their actions. You can say i set a standard i wanted them all to reach and when they failed to reach those i was harsh to say the least about it to all of them. Growing up I had an abundance of women, I’ve had my plenty and have been in more than just a few cheating scenarios where I’m the culprit, as well as being the third wheel or home wrecker. Well I began to grow more in the sense of loyalty towards the women I’m with and turned a new leaf with her. However I remained the same hard and stern guy I’ve always been. Looking at it now I realize that the more comfortable I grew with her (or any of my past relations) the more comfortable I became speaking my mind and being extremely harsh and blunt about things. For about a year things got to a point of extreme, I saw myself in a darker place confusion based on personal failures, views of the future, and other problems increased my anger leading me to lash out more and attack the girl from all sides. I always pride myself for being a man who never hit a women, being the quick trigger i am and how quick to anger I am its a big thing especially when surrounded by other men who plainly never cared for hitting a women (not saying this is right but you know couples get into it, times she hit me, slaps or punches. Im of a bigger built, Id laugh the hits off and antagonize more). However I can say it now that I verbally abused her which can be just as bad as physical. There were times i told her i was keeping her around for the heck of it, times i told her her ass was too small (She had a very big butt, very thick girl in the thigh and ass area. spanish girl with a slim waist but with her mothers genes. it was my way of trying to get her to make it bigger. Wrong i know) . She had Cs, with a lot of side boob. so they seemed smaller than they were when she was naked of course, but i constantly spoke about how small they are and about how she needed to save for a boobjob (She mentioned a boobjob to me before, at that time i had never said anything like that, she told me she hated the side boob and wanted a better fit, again i grew too comfortable and I ran with that). Constantly spoke about my ex (who had huge Ds and she knew it) and her body, and about how great that girl was besides the issues she had. Constantly told her how ugly she had gotten and the weight she put on. One time she told me she was hungry and I told her to maybe try a oxygen diet maybe that would help her with the fat (in reality she wasn’t fat at all, when i first met her she was a gym head so obviously she was much more fit at that time, than when we moved in together and ate nothing but chinese, pizza, and soda.) She constantly attempted to speak to me about things like her family (whom had big tensions with me and my “attitude”. Claimed I was as respectful as a person can be however I was dark and stern, I showed in my face how much I didn’t care for them, or how I didn’t want to be around them. It didn’t help that her cousin who’s like a sister to her was very close to me and saw our relationship and ran and told the family the many ways I was “bad”. Again they were right, In my defense they were 2 faced people, smile in your face and offer a hand, just to slap it when you aren’t looking. They were very fake people, with their own intentions about everything even tho they all claim to be devoted “christians” hypocrisy really lol.) Wed occasionally smoke some weed (she had tried before, but a habit I introduced and cemented.) and shed go rambling about her mother, her brother, etc and id shut her down “please enough about your family, I don’t care all you wanna do is talk about your family.” When she brought up other things I belittled them and made her feel dumb about things. I am a well educated person, I like to know things before someone can catch me off guard, I like to read and gather knowledge. Ive always been a logical thinker, processed things carefully and analytically, and wanted her to be more like me, in fact I pushed her to be exactly like me in her views and her actions. I enjoy learning, and I’ve always been above average, obviously that boosted my ego to some degree because at times i came off as a know it all (lmao because I did know most things talked about) and my bullish attitude was in full display in situations like that to her, my friends, even my family member. There were many times I made her feel dumb (she wasn’t the brightest nut on the tree). I make myself out to seem like this arrogant narcissistic asshole and you know what I am, however majority of the time I did and said things to help her however twisted that may seem. She dropped out of college and I bashed her, ridiculed her, made her know that i thought shed go nowhere in life the way she was going (working at a daycare, talking about maybe it was okay to live a simple life, with a simple life as long as she has me as her husband and the kids she could give me) I told her how i didn’t want the sap of idiocracy she was and that she needed to learn and become better because who she was wasn’t good enough. (mind you she herself was abused physically and verbally by her last bf/ finance before i was in the picture) I attacked her person for different reasons whether it was her friends (very whorish girls) her family (very unreliable, judgemental (in a religious aspect, I know i shouldn’t talk but its different) her views on life, her conformist attitude, her decision making (which through it all she made very poor decisions.) that was a big thing, I felt like she was a terrible decision maker and couldn’t handle the pressures of life without crumbling. She always needed someone to hold her hand and decisions were made by others, she relied heavily on others to not only make her feel better but to empower her, even emotionally. I didn’t give in and always pushed her, be better, have some self esteem and don’t rely on others for that, be your own person, stop making bad decisions, take control of your life, stop being so weak, etc i can go on all day. It was a poor way to motivate and help someone, but with the way i was raised it was the only way i knew. Even when we first started I did these things but not to the degree of some things. At one point I left her in the state we moved to (she was from there before She went to nyc and met me) me and her along with my closest friends decided to try to live on our own there but miserably failed, that night they decided to go i decided to stay for her but also for myself, I felt compelled to not give up on my journey, I said i would do it so I wanted to do it, but the tipping on the scale came when I looked at her, crying and in pain thinking i was gonna go. At first I said I would but changed my mind quickly and stayed. Things were good and smooth until financially we hit a rough patch, I couldn’t get a decent job, and she had started a new one and money was needed fast. The pressure caused a rift and then I find messaged left from my ex to me (that relationship ended in turmoil, but my love for that girl never died out) then I see messages (snaps) from one of her old flings and that entices me to answer my ex. Next thing you know I’m leaving my girl heading back home. I didn’t want to leave but I felt like it was heading towards a long cliff financially there were issues, she was making me angry, my grandmother had a stroke, my best friends all pleaded me daily to come back home and the girl i left back there seemed to be a gateway to a less stressful life. I stayed in contact with my girl but eventually she made wrong turns and ended up pregnant in a one night stand. Before I discovered this I had found myself in a state of longing, I dreamt and felt emotions i had never felt. I awoke calling for her. I even tried these things called shrooms and my whole trip was about her, about a future with her, about this child i saw as mine. Needless to say I contacted her, spoke about my love spoke about how I was wrong, about how i was dumb and didn’t realize what she meant to me and how I was in love with her. By then to her it was too late she confessed her new lover to me, angry I attacked and then walked after of course hours of bashing and words, since we were still in contact and she had even flown out to my city for us to spend some time and be intimate together, I called her things and said she was a cheater, that we weren’t together but that she did things when I was still around. She claimed she was high and drunk it was a one night stand and that they were close before that because he listened for hours to her talk about me and our relationship. She however was adamant about the seed, claiming she loved me and that I didn’t love her or told her before and how I left etc (she knew about my ex as well her cousin made sure of that). however time triumphed and after certain circumstances the seed was lost, and all contact with the guy ended. In the ensuing weeks we spoke more, and she was even gearing up to come to niece, we planned for December but she got an offer for a job and flew out in late September (oh what a mistake).

    Reply
  24. E

    I knew what she meant to me now, however her actions i hadn’t fully coped with and nothing changed during her time here, if anything things deteriorated (this was part of the time together where I became worse) and I was at my lowest, she felt that wraith. We even had spoken about marriage when i saw her but when she came here and mentioned it I threw the notion away claiming “Id never marry someone like you” ( I already had bad views on marriage but they were changing, however anger, resentment, proved to much for any other emotions I felt). I never fully coped with what happened and so i treated her worse than I ever did as stated before. She lost her place due to some family issues (she stayed at her families and didn’t bother saving money for a new place because she thought she was good there. At the time I had quit my job and returned to school) and I asked my best friends if she can crash there till we saved and got her out. This had happened before and we all felt close like a family there even the mother and it was okay we said shed be out my december and she was. However during this time I was still in attack, and I went to work after I got a temp job and left her there with my friends. They worked but not everyday as they switched shift. She grew more fond of them and one of them was always by her side, spoke to her, advised her about me (we’ve been friends for almost 8 years), helped her out, drove her to the places she needed to go, when I refused to go with her somewhere he offered to go, basically he treated her like a best friend. He confesses to her that he has loved her since he met her, that he couldn’t take how poorly I treated her, that she was a goddess and I didn’t realize your worth. According to her of course he claimed such immense feelings towards her and she didn’t want to shatter him, or their friendship as she considered him a best friend as well. So she went ahead and said she loved him too, but that nothing could come out of it and it was pointless to talk about it. Time passed and our relationship only grew more sour. On my life, i began having dreams about them, fucking, kissing, laughing at me. I brushed them off, Ive always had bad dreams (never like these obviously) and Ive always been a person that found it hard to trust people. Plus seeing them constantly watching movies together, going on walks, and spending so much time together, its only natural to feel off, regardless i brushed it off. However those feelings began to grow more and more, at one point we were talking about how my friends didn’t want to be around us together because we were acting cancerous with each other, we were becoming too much. He was part of those conversations, yet she continued to state that only the others felt that way and not him. At that point I asked her if something was going on between the two and she denied it called me dumb for thinking that. So the game continued. One night I called her and she wouldn’t pick up, I faced timed her and she declined calling back 5 minutes later. I asked her to show me the room (she had moved out by that time) and she was angry with me and hung up after more tried sh picked up and did as she was told, no one was there. I asked her if she had spoken to him today and she said she hasn’t and asked why, i gave her no answer. A week later there was another huge fight where I told her I had enough of her and pretty much stated everything I hated about her. I even hinted how I hate that I know you’re lying to me and doing things behind my back like I’m dumb like she was. She gave me nothing. The following weekend after a long night shift we had our last fight, which turned in to her saying that we need to end, that I was too much for her now and that I hated her and in truth really didn’t want to be with her. About how the night before all my friends told her we were cancerous and shed do us both a favor by ending it. She went ahead and told me that for the past month they’ve all told her about how bad we are for each other, and even how they know that i was keeping her around just for the fuck of it till something better came around, she said we can try to work on ourselves and grow and make our way back, but I wanted no part of it. I turned to leave but before I left I asked her if this was just about me and her, she said yes but I felt differently. My friend lived about a 10 minute walk from her so i walked there and grabbed his phone while he slept, the only message on the display as soon as I looked at it was from her 8 minutes ago telling him about the break up about how i begged not to end it and to try to fix things not run, she asked him to help her and to tell her that she wasn’t a terrible person. I played the part, and then asked her promptly if she had told him about “us” she said no stating he had told her not to do that. I woke my friend up and almost attacked him when his brother came in soothing me as he asked what was going on, i turned flung his phone, he claimed he couldn’t control his emotions but he didn’t touch her, i knew it was a lie, but I walked away. She texted me saying we broke up for our own problems, to not focus on the outside and see that its because of us not him, told me I was focusing on the wrong thing, telling me he didn’t touch her. Days past and she came to my house, speaking to me about how she felt and then begged me to go to her place. I went and after hours of being together I approached the subject again this time back to my aggressive self, in tears she finally confessed after I told her that i could see it in her eyes she was lying about it and to swear on her grandfather (might not mean much, but in my time with her that was a huge deal, he raised her and he had past. He was the most important thing to her) she wouldn’t swear, but that gave it all away. When she saw I knew it all she told me, said it happened 4 nights while i worked, and one night they did it twice once and then again after a movie, she claimed she gave him two short blowjobs when he couldn’t get hard (i asked her these questions). I imploded and almost killed her, I managed to keep my cool one because inside I already knew, two because jail didn’t seem appealing, three i didn’t wanna be known as the guy who beats girls no matter what. So i imploded and smashed most of her belongings before she screamed for help, prompting me to leave before neighbors decided to call the cops. two days later she text the guy telling him she will wait for when he’s ready to talk. Wednesday after speaking to our friends and myself he answered her bashing her and claiming her feelings were real, how she was a seductress, a whore (words I used and more) and how she just seduced him and turned him into a monster. In her rebuttal she claimed her feelings were real and how he was a coward and just wants to save things with his friends. Days later she reaches out to me claiming she was clouded when I mentioned her not chasing me but him on tuesday she claims she was angry with me and blamed me for everything, she felt lost ad lonely , and didn’t want to lose her best friend. But that taking a step back for a couple of days made her realizing and finally see clear. She claimed what she did was disgusting and vile, that she was a hoe for what she did and that she didn’t know who she was. That she let her craving for an emotional connection and his words and act of love consume her, that she began to feel as if she did love him even tho it was an illusion. She claimed she was vulnerable, her self esteem destroyed, that i had shattered her and that everyone including myself constantly spoke about how this was going nowhere, how i was unhappy, how i wanted another woman She said she felt ugly, she felt broken, stabbed constantly, and that he was there constantly showering her with love, compliments, gushing her with how a man should treat a women how he would treat her, how he wanted to be one with her, about how his mom always spoke about how they should of been the ones together and married, that i didn’t deserve a woman like her. That she was wrong but she was lost, gone, and unrecognizable. That there was no excuse but that being outside the situation she was able to see that she just wanted me, that she was so caught up in her emotions and what she craved that emotional connection that she was blinded. That he saw everything unfold and that he manipulated her, knowing her and knowing him. That she will do everything in her power to fix things, that i can beat her (crazy i know) if that would make me feel better, that i can take everything from her (phone, social media, etc) that she only wants me, that she made the biggest mistake in her life and that she just wants to fix it. We haven’t spoken much, in part because i told her I couldn’t speak to her due to the fact that it all leads to me calling her a slut and attacking her. She clams she will wait for me however long, that she seeks forgiveness from god and that she is repenting, that she has looked in the mirror and see the monster she has become and that she is striving for change, and pushing everyday to be a better woman a stronger woman. she’s begged for another chance, a chance she claims I won’t ever regret. She claims she just wants kids with me and marriage and the dog I always spoke about. She claims she was in a dark spot and that she’s moving towards the light. she has told me to go have sex with other girls or any measures I need to make for myself and that she will be here waiting, that she will be there if i want to talk after I’m done. She said she will wait however long I need and that she is willing to prove her commitment to me at any cost (going as far as trying to get a tattoo with my name as a symbol of commitment((we discussed how stupid ppl are who do that years back)))Ive rejected all her please but my heart never wanted her to go no matter what i did to her. Ive read on other places about things still working out after something like this but its not enough. I don’t know what to do really they say karma is a bitch well they are damn right. Ive had uncles, outside sources, even cab drivers tell me about the disloyal friend and how he poisoned her, how i pushed her to this, and although theres no excuse i should give her another shot. My immediate friends disagree (a girlfriend of theirs who was once her friend which turned sour, went as far as to say my gf was always sneaky and always entertained other guys, even tho I never saw it, her cousin, who’s relationship also turned sour now claimed her cousin had always had issues, claiming she always needs attention and if she didn’t get it from one shed get it from another. The only friend who’s opinion meant more to me claims I pushed her to some degree, but she was a slut no matter what, that she choose my best friend, and that things like that are unforgivable. Im stuck in the middle, I know what i did wrong, I know where I went wrong. Ive always had a one strike rule but never had to use it in regard to cheating. But now that Im here i don’t know I’m lost, I don’t know whats right. I feel like the right thing to do is move on, at least logically. However my heart doesn’t want to let go, I love her and I know I am to blame about all this, but who could be with a woman who’d go and do that to someone? Im a hypocrite but I always felt like when a man does it he’s just a savage, but when a woman does it its a different burn, and the sting is more painful. I don’t know what to do, its clear i didn’t deserve her and she didn’t deserve how i treated her but I realized to late. She keeps calling and texting because i haven’t answered her, she doesn’t know whether to give me space (space has never been the right way to go about things with me, she knows that, space would fuel my anger, my resentment and push me to never speak to her again) or to keep texting till i reply, or do both give me space and then every so often knock on the door again. I want to be with her, but i also feel like less of a man and it says a lot Ive always been a confident cocky son of a bitch, deff always full of myself with good reason but still haha. Im lost…. thank you for anyone who takes the time to read this autobiography lol and I’m so sorry for its length

    Reply
  25. Ace

    E, I think the lesson has been learned. Now its time to move on with enlightenment on your belt.

    Reply
  26. Jabberwock

    I am going through the same ordeal as of the moment.

    My girlfriend of 6.5 years cheated on me. Which of 5 years we were together and 1.5 LDR when she migrated to another country to work, we already had plans of us getting married once she visit back so she can take me with her to canada.

    Ill make it short as i can.
    ive felt that she was already drifting away for me, not being able to communicate as usual as before, not being able to attend to our usual long talk during weekends, not being able to reply anymore on our usual chat conversation during weekdays, she always get mad at me easily specially when i ask whats happenning to her, to us. So my gut feel strongly told me that there is something wrong.

    I then hacked and dugged her email, accessed her icloud then viola, i found a draft message that say and i quote “im finally free, ive already told him everything about us and he said that he will now stop, when we meet ill give you a lot of hugs and kisses”. Right then and there it devastated me, i felt so helpless, i felt so weak and hopelessly betrayed.

    I then confronted her, she tried to deny it but eventually i was able to squeeze it out, i then stopped talking to her for a week after i called it quits, then she kept messaging me, calling me, crying and begging that i forgive her and take her back.

    After a deep soul searching i decided to give her a chance, she said that it was nothing serious, nothoing happened and she already stopped talking to the guy and it was just out of loneliness, i really felt her sincerity and because of how much i love her i tried to forget about it even if it tore my world apart.

    Then a week after, the same feeling came back, its like shes now treating me like crap, even if she didnt admit, we both knew that she never had stopped the communication with the guy, i begged her to stop, to choose me, i literally cried to her everytime we talked, it went on for a month like that.

    But nope, she never stopped, then i got tired and chose to walk away even if it was so hard, i was so depressed and dont know how to move on with my life.

    Because i was so depressed and i love her so much, i didnt stop talking to her, and i would talk to her from time to time, i then was able to make her confess everything, that she indeed fell for the guy, they saw each other almost everyday, watch movies, eat at a restaurant then have sex. Then my world continued to fall apart. I stopped communicating with her.

    I then questioned why would she beg me to stay and not to go away if she already loved the guy, she said that i was a fail proof, a backup plan, an option.

    Their affair lasted for 4 months tops, turns out the guy was not serious and just used her, so he dumped her. Now she is begging me again to forgive her, to give it a try, to give her a chance. Everyday she would call me even though i am ignoring her, promising that it will never happen again, that she learned the hard way, here’s the problem.

    Knowing what happened, i just really cant keep away frm her, i cant move on without her, i am really confused right now on how i feel, i am so mad but at the same time i wanna mend her for what had happend to her, also i feel regret because the things in the past that i did and was not able to do for her, i neglected her so many times but she put up to it and stay by my side, but i never cheated on her, doing that never even crossed my mind, so right now, im being torn between being incredibly stupid to be the good guy and forgive her and start over or choose to feel hatred, learn from the mistake and just walk away.

    Any insights will be appreciated, i already know that what i am thinking about to do is wrong but i am just hoping that someone may agree that i can still salvage our relationship, or someone can snap me back to reality and make me believe that an incredibly good, understanding and forgiving guy should not exist.

    Reply
    • Dexy

      Hi Jabberwock.

      You need to understand this, as much as you forgive her you will “paradoxically” have LESS chance in her, not MORE. Be a MAN, only that way she will respect you. DON’T forgive her.

      I have almost identical life and love story these days, only we were in a relationship for several months. I met a girl in a coffee bar and we hooked up on the next date. She was very good in bed so i started to think that she was an “easy girl”, but I tried to neglect that hint from my brain. Everything went very good for a month and half, we were getting along great. More than great. But, out of a sudden, I discovered that she was texting two guys behind my back. She cried and said that she would never date any of them. However, one of them sent a screenshot of her saying to him that she is available to go, see (and fuck) him from sunday to wednesday (when I am away). It was it. Plain truth. Never ever trust girls tears and WORDS, trust only girls DEEDS. The things are most often the way they look, not the way some cheating women try to present.

      Now, she is crying everyday and keeps texting me that she wants future with me, family, that I am her soulmate, that she would never do a “mistake” again. But, my ex forgets that she was saying the same things when we were together. One girl told me that I am probably good looking and ok guy, but just her fail-proof option. So, maybe 2nd or 3rd option. Always learn about women from a women, be it a girlfriend, wife, sister female friend, does not matter.

      Cheating is not an accident it is planned and she MISSED something in your relationship. And she did not want to share it with you. Intentionally. I know cause the same thing happened with me. I believe this is how we learn life and love lessons.

      I don’t trust my ex, and I will, most probably NOT forgive her. Although she keeps texting me for more than 20 days. If I forgive it will be better in the beginning, but what if she chats on me if we build a family? I can not trust her. After all, its better now, than in marriage. I believe this is a sort of ordeal and lesson and blessing all at the same time. I know it will be hard, I know I will be depressed, but eventually I will become less naive, more mature and eventually more A MAN. And I will overcome. And I will find loyal girlfriend and future wife.

      Reply
      • wtf

        You too sir have an idiotic philosophy. Seriously how badly did you both(jabberwock and dexy) fail in logic? If you did not then i really doubt the kind of teachers you both had. Forgiving does not mean getting back with your exes ok, for your both sake i will repeat it again, forgiving does not mean getting back with your exes. Now say that another thousand times in your head so that you can understand. Forgiving will help you to move on in life. Forgive and move on, there are so many great women out there who would love you and keep you happy.Man up the both of you, do the right thing by forgiving your exes and move on and explore new relationships. You both know that there are other women out there in the world right??

    • wtf

      I would like to ask you who told you that forgiving=getting back togehter with your ex? I would not want to be educated in the same philosophy as you because your way of thinking is, let me put it this way, mind numbingly dumb. Forgive her but move on, forgiving her does not in anyway mean getting back together with her, get that through to your peanut sized brain. And your conclusion of understanding and forgiving guy does not exist is so stupid and mindless that i literally did a massive face palm. Forgive her ok, but move on and find soomeone else who will view you as her masterplan and love you with all your heart.

      Reply
  27. shultz

    move on with u r life.plenty of fish in the sea.remember love is not a feeling its a dicision and the beautiful ones r not yet born.teach her a lesson.u r case is petty i lived with mine for 20yrs with 3 beautiful girls.i live with the kids its now 5yrs.everything is running smoothly.take it from me shes sure u cant leave her.suprise her.dont do what she did to u or revenge because shes not u r teacher. man.i wish it was me. style up mr.

    Reply
  28. Tdub

    This exact thing is happening to me as we speak. I recently got out of a relationship of 2yrs 2 weeks ago. About 6months into the relationship I actually caught her in the act of having sex with her friend. It was at a party that me and her went to at said friends house. I walked into the bathroom after a night of drinking and drug use and caught them. The next day she claimed that she couldn’t remember anything that happened. She cried and pleaded with me to take her back and she threatened suicide if I didn’t, which made me feel really guilty. So I agreed to talk with her about it and asked her if there’s anything you can remember, and she told me no and just started crying so hard and as we were talking her friend decides to text her. I’m not exactly sure what he said but I remember her saying to him that she doesn’t remember anything that happened. He responded “Yea, you were pretty drunk.” And from that she told me it wasn’t her fault. That he took advantage of her in a drunk state. And I believed her. What anger I had for her, now was on him. She said there was a possibility he might have roofied her. I told her if you want to be with me, you can never speak with him again. She agreed and blocked him from her life. But as our relationship went on, I could tell she was getting less and less happy and I think it was the fact she was missing this guy. The fights we had, it didn’t matter what it was about always came back to that night. I’ve always had this gut feeling that she was lying about it. So I would bring it up. I just wanted to talk with her about it, never argue about it. But shed always tell me “there’s nothing to talk about. I can’t remember anything.” But for some reason I just felt she was lying. Well it came up again around 2wks ago and she finally told me she couldn’t handle hearing this anymore. She broke up with me. And a week ago I creeped on her fb and found out her and this guy were friends again. A person she told me she’d never be friends with again. And…I still love her. And I don’t know if I should try and get her back? I don’t know if she was lying to me all this time or not? And now I don’t know that I can ever trust her again because she’s friends with him again? There’s more to this story, but its way to long. If there is anybody out there who can help me or give me some words of advice… Please.

    Reply
  29. shek

    t dub… run for the hills man. the problem is its normal everyone would be upset by that.. but now she lost attraction because of how much it bugged you.

    only way to get her back at all is start working on your life again and get away from her. maybe one day you can come back to her and let it go but you need to step out of this relationship.

    Reply
  30. Bill

    I met and married my Chinese wife in China. From the beginning she seemed to be a woman that would never ever consider cheating, let alone do it. Everyone that has met her would say the same thing, no way could she ever do something like that. But i guess I should have had some concerns when we began having sex after we met. She was just absolutely an incredible fuck, orgasmed so damn easy and fast, it was unbelievable, and she still does at her age now of 46. The first time she sucked me she let me orgasm in her mouth, swallowed it all, just incredible she was at it, then later told me she learned how to do that from watching a video, and that i was the first guy she ever had come in her mouth. And of course that before me, she was 34 then, she had only been fucked by her first chinese husband and one other guy after they divorced, 7 years before i met her she divorced her first husband.
    So i got very lucky with having her – very attractive and sexy, tight body even now at 46, firm and hard 32C tits with nipples like i have never seen on any other woman – long like her baby finger from the tip to the first joint and thick around like that, hard as rock always and standing straight out from her tits always, nice dark color. And i must admit, desired getting fucked by me far more regular than other women i had long term relationships with – even into our 5th year of marriage you would have thought we just started sex together.
    Anyhow, without going into detail, i discovered after 6 yrs marriage that she had been seeing some guy, confronted her, she said just a friend from work, called him in front of me and told him she cant see him again because her husband did not accept this. Month later, found out she was still hanging around with him, same routine, called him in front of me and said it is finished, then month or so later again i find out she was still hanging with him, and this time it was real simple – i had just accepted a job in a new city – so i told her, one more time, even if you talk to him on the phone, we are done and i am gone to my new job without u. She did then stop with him and her and i moved to the new city. However, she told me and still to this day does that he and her were just friends and nothing else. I said well if so, why did u not introduce me as your husband to him, and she said he did not want to meet me.
    So first off, i you are inclined, tell me what your views and thoughts are about this.

    Then last year i went on a business trip to Europe and when i got back i found out she had gone out one Friday night when i was away all dressed up and did not return home until the next morning at 11am, which she had never ever done before – so i asked her where she was all night and she said she stayed at Vanessa’s place over night, a close gf of hers that i know also. So few months later in a heated argument over something, i asked her agan where were u really that night when u did not come home, and she said i already told you, i stayed at Tiffany’s house.
    Give me your thoughts and views on this one!
    So the bottom line for me is this – no matter how a woman appears, never trust the fact that u are sure she would never cheat.
    And now as i write this, we are separated, she told me few months ago she wants a divorce and we are not not together. Wonder what she is doing
    tonight??

    Reply
    • Scott

      Bill,

      It sounds like you need to just let her go and find a better woman who isn’t going to lie to you and cheat on you.

      I’ve been in a similar situation before, when my ex-fiancée cheated on me and broke my heart, so I had to “fire” her and cancel our engagement. Then she had the gall to say, “But we can still be friends, right?” I said, “No. Not after this.” And I never saw her again. So I sympathize with what you’re going through.

      Divorce is a terrible thing, but I think it would be far worse to stay with someone who’s being dishonest and unfaithful to you. Life’s too short to be putting up with that sort of BS.

      So my suggestion is to just let her go. There are plenty of other women out there and I think you deserve better than to be treated like that.

      Just my 2 centavos.

      Scott

      Reply
  31. Bud

    Around late july to early august of 2015 my girlfriend of 3 years went on a cruise ship. She cheated on me with someone during my summer finals, my first semester of college. I’ve never been in so much pain in my life. I hoped that I had failed my classes so that I would have nothing else motivating me to continue life. I passed my finals and cried every day for about 2 months. When I first found out I did leave her for a short period of 4 days, I tried my best to get away from her but I couldn’t. I even met a beautiful girl that was out of my league in an art class, but my mind was on my girlfriend only, even tho I had so much anger for her. I even attempted to find an emotional connection with this new girl that would bring me away from my cheating partner. I invited her over and we talked in my bed for hours, I told her if anything happened between my girlfriend and I, I would be with her. Only to make her feel better. We both cried together, she had been through the same thing. I scratched her head and back until she fell asleep, I felt like I was leading her on. But I just felt guilty and stopped all communication after class time, I could only think of what If my girlfriend cheats on me again and I’m throwing away a new opportunity in life. But my girlfriend was so content on making me feel better, she was very remorseful so it made things so much harder to leave. I have been with her for almost another year now, the date of july 28- to early august is killing me. But I think staying with her was for the best, today I even bought her a promise ring from Europe. Even tho my heart has ached every day for almost a year, I love this woman and I’m willing to forget the past if possible. Things do get better if you decide to stay, but the healing process is much longer.

    Although, if anyone is looking for answers on what to do. I would tell you to leave. It has taken months to regain happiness with myself, or to feel secure about what I was missing this other man had. You just really need to know that it’s not you, you’re not the reason you significant other cheated. It is their own insecurities.

    Reply
    • ALF

      I think you’ve been played dude. How many vacations has she taken by herself since then? Dollars to donuts she has hooked up each time.

      Reply
  32. LuciferNiggerbastard007

    To the douches and cunts who have the mystical power to be in polyamory, I wish I had your problems, but I probably just want to feel the love I never got from my parents.

    That said, why the hell should I ever take back a person who cheated on me? I don’t care what the hell you been through. I don’t care what the hell I PUT you through. You hurt my ego. You will not do that without consequence. You did what you did because you WANTED to. And because nothing stopped you, not even me. If you think I’ma blame myself for that, you got another thing coming. It might be my fault in some bigger way, but I wont suffer the presence of someone who did that to me like I did once before.

    LoGun, I’m glad you wrote this article. It really demystified the impression I had of you after I finished Endgame. You can be angered. You can be fucked with, and still be attractive to women after all. You can be because you are truly independent.

    I would never cheat. Even if I wanted to I wouldn’t because that’s not the sort of relationship I want. Period. You attract what you are. That’s the idea right?

    Well I want someone who has it where it counts. Where I SAY it fucking counts. Period.

    Reply
  33. Al

    We dated for 10 months, she was just perfect, loving, caring, great sex, and just like a unicorn. I ignored all the red flags, all her girlfriends were either cheaters or Bi, crazy party girls and overall a nasty, low life people. She played the role so fucking good that all my friends fail in love with her. I never felt her love to me was less, sex stayed as great as the first time and were never bored.
    One night while she’s showing me something on her phone, she received a text from an unsaved no. I opened the text and it was obviously someone she’s been texting and getting to know. They exchanged pics and been texting non stop for a week and had already agreed to meet up. I dumbed her on the spot and she broke down and kept calling me and all my friends asking for forgiveness and that she never had the intention of cheating on me. I persuaded her to tell me the whole truth if she wanna come back and she wanted to prove to me that she never cheated, gave me passwords and access to her phone to see myself. Little she knew that Im a tech savvy, I retrieved everything she deleted and holy fuck I was such a fucking fool. She played me BIG TIME, for fucking real. There were at least 8 guys she dated, sent nudes to, and went on dates with. She was never loyal to me for the whole time, she was still with her ex when we started dating and she was fucking and begging guys to fuck her, even couples for threesome. Fuck she even planned a sex date during the time she was begging me to take her back, the very next day after I dumped her.
    Every lie I caught she said that was it, until she knew I have all the texts thats when she came “completely” clean. Keep crying, fainted at my house when I tried to kick her out that we had to call an ambulances. She said she was fucked up and just wanted to be a bad girl, she “wanted” to start a new life with me and she change her number, texted all those guys that she’s done and didn’t give her new number to anyone. Gave me her iCloud password, FB password, email and pretty much everything to show me that she wanna start a new life with me. I accepted that and told her we gonna start again like a new couple, the next she called me to say good night and I went on a rampage and called her every name in the book, I said everything I felt about her and what a cheap whore she was. Hung up and never replied or picked up again, told my friends who were sympathizing with her about everything and just went cold turkey.
    She went crazy, never stopped texting, she wanted one last talk, threatened to come to my place, then asking for forgiveness and that she misses me a lot, I still never replied.
    I know I can’t take her back even if she really wanna start a new fucking life, she fooled me once, NEVER AGAIN.
    I can simply send all the messages she exchanged to all her friends but I just don’t know what to do, I feel so angry, confused, stupid, hurt, its like there’s a firs in my chest. I’m a strong man and have high pain tolerance, but I swear to God it hurts so much, I can physically feel it. I’ve been living lie for 10 months, it was like a dream and you wake up to the ugly reality. I don’t know what I feel now, I’m fighting the fucking addiction of her, the withdrawals are real, but I just know one thing for sure, if I take her back its gonna be much worst the next time and I just hate her. I won’t risk my life by taking her back. I gotta go through this like a Man, I’m challenging myself its fucking hard. I almost break down every time she text me. its like a heroine addiction, NEVER TAKE A CHEATER BACK!

    Reply
    • Armageriek

      My Congratulations Brother! You did the one and only correct thing. Played once shame on her, played twice shame on you.
      You just lost 10 months, come on it’s not that bad. People are wasting years of their lives living with cheating partners.
      I’ve been there, was cheated on, but I lost almost 2 years of my time. But life goes on. Keep strong, and the pain will subside. Good Luck!

      Reply
  34. SAFE

    Hi guys can you help, im with this girl for almost 10 years, and she cheated on me i have this gut feelinh for almost a month i suspecting her coworker, i was angry to the chat in facebook messager that he dosent want to me to see, so one time i surprice him in his condo she said she was sick, then i go to her condo and found out that the guy that were fighthing with is there she hide it in the closet and she said she was too scared of me to tell me that, the sad part is shes telling me that he is only a friend, but it bugs me we got home to our hometown im still bugged with his friend in his condo i was telling him i will wake him up once i felt my anger and things got worse on me i said if he will not retrieved thosed messages i will break up with her, but then she still refuse then i said to him i will accept anything and go.back to you then she retrieved it then i found out that she was inviting this guy in his condo fot almost 4 days then i ask her if something happenss and she said yes i see the sincerity in her eye, but i coudnt believe what she is saying, so i said to her sorry i cannoy stay with you, it almosy 3 days i was crying it was so depresing my friends even told me leave her dont give her chance, but my love for her is so srong because we been together to goodnd bad i help her finish college she help.me.finish college, and she said she will not used her smart phone and she will used a old celphone and she will stay in our hometown with me.she said she wants to earn my trust back.

    Reply
  35. advice

    If you guys are broken and want her back then, just go back to her and talk. Only you both can fix your relationship TOGETHER. But if any one of you do not have that feeling anymore and you still feel hurt than just MOVE ON!

    Reply
  36. vishu

    hey actually i was in a relationship with a girl we used to talk too much care for each other………….u know do every kind of acts whom a couple do….but after one n half year i found tht she was cheating on me… she used to chat with a guy on facebook and i had the pswrd of her account than delet that chat regularly and main thing is that she never told me at tht time that she is talkin with tht guy even she and i both knew that guy has had a crush on my gf… so ibroked up with her…she told me tht she was checking him bcz that guy gf told her to check him..now she is in relationship with that guy…bt sometimes she message me but i always say her that ‘i hate you’ but truth is that i still love her ..i have a very stron feeling for her..whereevr i see any couple or love quote always remember her…so ll she be my gf again…or i should tell her that i still love her…..or should forget her (i can’t)…??????

    Reply
  37. Tabitha

    Someone is a big liar. No the ex really dont want somone back in her life now. Because someone is a snake. That will bite you on your ass if you let her.

    Reply
  38. Tabitha

    Someone really can,t not be trusted with nothing. Someone is a liar cheater and a bully . no i cant have none of that in my life now no no. I will be better off bye my self. Then be with some loser now. Once my trust is gone its gone now. Its no way in the hell i will be able trust someone again. After she betrayed me. Its no way that i,m coming back to someone again now no. Someone aint nothing but a gold digger that want people for their money. Its no feelings there any way. Nope i dont miss someone at all. And i dont love someone either all of that is gone now.

    Reply
  39. steve

    It is an amazing . The best way to do it is to get her back and remind her always that she fucked some one else so use her . dont let her stay in your place fuck her and treat her like sex object fuck her from all sides get pictures and videos get her drunk in house party and fuck her with your best friend . and keep flicking her until she leaves you do not love her , do not communicate allot just fuck her it is the best revenge you ever have. she is a hore

    Reply
  40. ALF

    Dude, your relationship with her should have ended when she told you she was raped by the guy she was having an affair with. That clearly demonstrates that she’s got some deeply rooted issues. Not only is she willing to lie to your face, she falsely accuses someone of committing a criminal offense. A felony to boot. Just think what she’d be willing to do to you. My advise is to let this little girlie go on her merry way and find someone who is much more mature and stable.

    Reply

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