4 reasons why you must encourage girls you’re dating to see other guys Leigh (LoGun) Relationships 74 Comments “I don’t want this to be exclusive…” was the last thing I wanted to hear. She was beautiful, intelligent, funny, cool, and a sexual dynamo. And she was mine. Or so I thought… “It’s not that there’s anything wrong with you, it’s just that I don’t want to get into a relationship.” Sure, that made all the difference. I felt SO much better. But I agreed. Partly because I was terrified of losing her, but also because I wanted to see just how it would play out. I’d never been in that situation before and it was going to be interesting. Despite what my original misgivings, it turned out to be a smart decision. I’d spent all my time up until that point in exclusive, monogamous relationships and thought that was the way to go. Seeing the other side of the coin showed me that letting the girls you’re dating see other guys was not only OK, but actually had a lot of benefits. There are too many to cover here, but here are the 4 top reasons why you MUST encourage the girls you’re dating to see other guys: 1. You can see other girls Allowing her to see other guys gives you the space to see other girls. This means you go out, flirt and play, make out, muck around, and not even think twice about getting in trouble. I don’t think I have to talk you into that one… 2. It eliminates neediness If she’s seeing other guys, it means she’ll be far less needy and demanding. You’ll have more freedom to do what you want, when you want, and be able to see her when you want to, rather than when she calls. It will also help you avoid getting needy. If you’re also seeing other people, it won’t matter if she can’t see you because you’ll have other things to occupy your time with. As neediness is one of the biggest relationships killers, this is a HUGE plus. 3. It keeps the relationship interesting The fastest way to kill any potential relationship is to take all the tension out of it. Safe, comfortable relationships have the most potential to get boring and stale very quickly and fizzle out before you can work out if there’s any real potential. By encouraging girls you’re dating to see other guys and seeing other girls yourself, you’ll keep the tension, desire, and passion in the relationship long enough to see if this person is really worth committing to. And most importantly: 4. It forces you to confront your insecurities rather than running from them Dating a girl who you know is dating other guys is a fertile breeding ground for insecure thoughts to pop into your head that just don’t exist if you’re in an exclusive relationship: “Am I as good as him?” “What if she likes him more?” “Am I as big as him?” (Don’t pretend like you don’t care) Realising these insecurities and having them hit you in the face every time you see her means you have to confront them and deal with them, rather than running from them. When you confront them, you’ll develop your inner confidence and strength to a point where you simply don’t care any about other guys anymore, rather than spending your life running from your insecurities. In Conclusion… So, if you’re seeing a girl and worried that she’s going to date other guys unless you put a ring on it, stop worrying. In fact, do the opposite. Encourage her to see other guys and explore all the delights the world has to offer. By doing this, you’re not only giving your relationship a chance to grow to its full potential, but you’re also forcing you to confront and overcome your insecurities and move towards your true potential. I’m not suggesting you allow your wife to date your best friend but in the world of casual playing, it can be very beneficial. Join over 25,000 subcribersDownload your FREE copy of Seduction Community Sucks now and get in-field videos, subscriber-only articles, and exclusive podcasts delivered directly to your inbox If you're ready to become the kind of Man that attracts confident and in-demand women without trying, then I have a gift to start you on that journey. Seduction Community Sucks is your 159 page kick-start to becoming the kind of Man that makes women go weak at the knees. Get your FREE copy, as well as access to other subscriber-only articles, podcasts, and video footage, now. Get your FREE ebook, hidden articles, in-field videos, and exclusive podcasts here: 74 Responses Josef May 28, 2013 Hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! These is dynamite Leigh!!! Hahahahaaaaaaaaa!!! Just you could show us these point of view so explosive, crazy and true… I send you a big huges to all the guys here.. Reply Leigh (LoGun) May 29, 2013 Great to hear you liked it mate. Reply Dhruv Bhagat July 1, 2013 This is seriously epic! Really liked the way you think 🙂 Most loved! January 8, 2016 Your blog is good for fantasies. In reality this kind of things cause serious hiccups in relationships. From a single minded perspective it’s smart to encourage your gf to date other guys. From a multi-minded perspective it’s stupid to encourage your gf to date other guys when she is already dating you as it’s crucial for one to pamper their relationship from its very early stages. Once it has grounded perfectly then set boundaries and encourage her to have fun but not with other horny horses around. With productive, smart and positive people only. If you want to date around remain single and rather go for escorts, prostitutes, strippers etc. They’ll love your blog, besides they sleep around and you can even get 3 somes without any issues. Rob December 22, 2015 alert(“Nice article!”) Reply Alex November 15, 2016 Not quite understand what you want to tell us. This is a good article and it is clear that all women must experience various relationships before marrying,. We are in the 20th century! Reply pablin May 29, 2013 GREAT POST MAN!!! I was thinking about this exactly topic since a while. My biggest insecurity is not “Am I as good as him?” or “What if she likes him more?”. My biggest insecurity is “I don´t want to put my mouth in places where another guy put his cock and cum a few hours ago…” hahahahaha. What you think about this? Reply Leigh (LoGun) May 29, 2013 This is one thing that I don’t think you’ll have to worry about. If she has even the smallest amount of self respect, she’ll clean herself up. After all, I’m sure she doesn’t want to be licking some other girls bodily fluids off your body and so will be do the right thing. Reply LOL May 31, 2013 This was the worst post Logun I totally agree with you! 😉 Reply Vincent Vinturi May 29, 2013 It’s worth it to encourage a girl to see other men just to confront the feelings of possessiveness and jealousy that come up. The hippies had it right. Free love, without trying to control and possess the other is so much lighter, freer, happier than this modern concept of airtight relationships, where the other person has zero room to breathe. Osho has a great talk about this on youtube where he basically says if you really love somebody, you give them total freedom. You give them personal space and don’t demand they divulge everything to you. You give them privacy. The women I’ve met who embrace this kind of way of life have gone on to become some of my best friends in the world. I guess it’s because they’re not scheming on how to wrassle a relationship out of me, or get money from me. But it’s that we can enjoy each other’s company when it suits both of us. The world is in big need of change with the way people approach love and relationships. It’s become one big front for (sophisticated) prostitution! Reply Josef May 29, 2013 I like your words Vincent, And I follow Leigh and Osho a lot hahahaha, is more, since I meet the AI Philosphies, all the world of Osho have real meaning to me… Thanks Leigh for present me Osho and the others oriental spiritual masters 😀 Reply Leigh (LoGun) May 30, 2013 It’s definitely a different way of doing things and one that the majority of the world struggle with at this point in time. Do you have a link to that Osho video? I’d love to see it. I’m guessing it’s ‘The capacity to be alone’ one but it’s still worth the watch. Reply Vincent Vinturi May 30, 2013 Sure, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAXghwgkqFg 🙂 Vincent LOL May 31, 2013 So the culture Hippie no more hahaha That you speak is utopian Reply Nils May 29, 2013 I don’t want a relationship like this. Either you love and commit or you don’t love and are just fuck buddies. I don’t want my woman to date/fuck other man. Call it needy or whatever I don’t care about your opinion LOL! Reply Leigh (LoGun) May 29, 2013 Haha… It’s all up to you mate. It’s just one way of doing things. Reply Leigh (LoGun) May 30, 2013 P.S. Maybe the fact that you’re so against it is the exact reason you need to do it. Just saying… 🙂 Reply kathy November 2, 2015 He is completely right. If someone is into you, telling them to date others is a slap in the face and very wrong. Iris September 29, 2016 I feel sorry for you that you think anybody would need to do this. You’ve obviously never been in love 🙂 Andy November 7, 2016 We shouldn’t NEED to do anything. Multi dating is Neediness in itself. Are we not strong enough to go into a connection with out a back up? Most loved! January 8, 2016 Your are right. I disagree with this post. I find it as an excuse of trying to come up with a different approach to being polygamous indirectly. If you want a woman to keep seeing other males (players, womanisers, man stealers) who could potentially take your woman for a ride, follow this post! Anyone who cares about monogamy and it’s benefits will most definitely come up with better approaches than what we’re reading here! A bit of insecurity can secure your relationship, no insecurity at all can make your relationship insecurity and exposured to the public for manipulation. Reply P September 14, 2016 I wholeheartedly agree. If the person you’re “dating” is also dating 5 or 6 other people, their attention isn’t focused 100% on forming s relationship with you. Great if you’re looking for a casual friends with benefits situation. A sure fire recipe to fuck things up if you’re hoping this will develop into a meaningful, long-term relationship. Dating multiple people at the same time is distracting and a bad move – and anybody who is really, totally into you wouldn’t want you to date other women, and wouldn’t want to date other men. For me personally it’s not worth my time if I don’t care enough to be 100% exclusive. Reply Marcos May 29, 2013 I loved it!! absolutelly beautiful post!! I broke up with my GF a month ago or so because I was not comfortable with the relationship anymore. Later on, in the following weeks, I told her everything about my intentions after the break up because I didn’t want to give her a false hope about me coming back. She was really hurt about that because she was really into me but she was not giving me space to live my life. So I let her know that I’m fine if she wants to date other guy. I don’t know how my insecurities are gonna be until then but so far, I’m relaxed Reply kathy November 2, 2015 That is horrible and very selfish of you. She probably could do way better anyways. Reply ft May 30, 2013 dont agree Reply Leigh (LoGun) May 30, 2013 Haha… Ok mate. That’s fine. Is there anything specific you don’t agree with or are you just generally not an agreeable person? Reply J.Martinez May 31, 2013 News from the field…so, I shared this article on my facebook. And received a response from a very perceptive chick. The response I think hits on what is most “provocative” about this advice (and remember it is only one way of going about relationships). Her “problem” with the advice (and perhaps for others who would disagree), is that it seems to be saying: do not be intimate. It seems to be saying: “exclusivity” is needed for intimacy to flourish and grow. If this is the case, then the next question is: if someone feels that exclusivity is needed before intimacy can grow, then what is that person REALLY looking for in their intimate relationships with women? Safety, perhaps? Maybe security? If what you are seeking is safety and security BEFORE you can feel intimate with someone, then this article may just piss you off or seem like a bunch of selfish, bullshit. What is provocative about this article is that it “calls out” the general, taken for granted “norm” that seems to be that when two people decide to be exclusive then they work towards intimacy. Does exclusivity = intimacy? What does intimacy mean? For me, it means being freely vulnerable, open, and expressive IN THE FACE of insecurity. It means sharing real desires and emotions with another. What if instead of waiting until I feel secure in the relationship before I let out the REAL me, I let out the real me all the time in all my relationships? Would I still feel the need to seek exclusivity, that is, to make this one and only person responsible for my sense of security? Why should I burden her with this responsibility, which, ultimately she is doomed to fulfill because only I am responsible for how I feel and how I engage my world? Reply Leigh (LoGun) May 31, 2013 Interesting. It’s in no way saying ‘Don’t be intimate’ and I think you really hit on why she might be reading it that way. Interesting thoughts. Reply Vincent Vinturi May 31, 2013 I’m with you J. I’ve spoken with many women about this and the overwhelming majority of them feel that if a man sees other women or doesn’t commit to one woman, it’s some somehow not a FULL, COMPLETE, or REAL love. And even if these same women logically conclude that the best way to kill romance and intimacy is to try and cage it in a ‘relationship’ or – gawd fuhbid, marriage – they still furrow their brows because the FEELING of wanting a man exclusively is so strong. I don’t know how much of it is cultural conditioning and how much is in the nature of woman, but I’ve also met women who shun these kinds of norms, albeit they’re a refreshing minority. And when you do as Leigh suggests, it has the effect of preempting any ideas of exclusivity or ownership or possessiveness. Personally I feel like entering into a ‘relationship’ – PARTICULARLY an exclusive one – is the best way to kill ‘relating’. Relationships are fixed, static, complete. You are now free to do just one thing: take each other for granted. But if you keep labels and arbitrary rules out of it, you still strive to seduce one another, to inspire and elevate one another and make your lover shine. Relationships poison relating, with marriage being the death knell of it for 99% of couples. That’s just been my experience, and just how I feel about these things. Everybody’s different… 🙂 Reply Niyi Komolafe June 1, 2013 This is what dogs do actually. Dogs are not picky. Dogs don’t have class, are less resourceful and therefore keep the open policy, an admission of ‘ I do not have what it takes.’ I read, ‘Are you a boy or a man? This issue is not in the article and It ought to be. It is men stuff to be a, one woman’s man. Men, I am not talking about randy boys, are picky and the ladies know, that they have better keep men interest otherwise men will kill the relationship and hunt for another equally hot babe. Hunters take the best. Less picky people eats road kills. Men dates like Cheetah. Just because an average lady is on the loose and available does not mean men have to pull. Men hunts for shoal of ladies and do the romantic maths, narrow them to at least three and go for the kill. Failure is expected but the hit rate is good. Here is the snag. Ladies are not complete idiots as some of us will have others believe. If you hunt like this, the ladies you get are worth their weight in gold, they too do not take nonsense. It is up to you. Would you rather drive ten minis or an X Class? The beauty of it is, the only quality item on earth you can own without breaking bank is a quality woman. This is what seduction community teaches us, ‘how to outfox the hedge fund guys or Mr Look So Good with moves that make the hearts of hot women beat relentless until they link hand with you. It beggar belief. Look at it, to cure your neediness, we are told to date multiple ladies, dating multiple ladies happens to exposed the bane of relationships–insecurity. If you don’t have it, learn it. Develop your mind, read wide and develop high taste. One woman’s man. You have done it before, you can do it again and again and again so no rash manner, no insecurity that you lack class, parental love that you have to keep dogs like relationships to be The Man. No, not at all. It is not what men do. Reply guille June 1, 2013 actualy a have been thinking about it, most, and i men most, women i know want a monogamus relationship ones you start fucking, it actually sucks when you she leaves you to be with some guy that accepts monogamy despite she is not happy with him anyway, has happended to me several times. maybe it is social conditioning completely, and ones you show her all the advantages of an open relationship (i am convinced it is totally superior to monogamy in almost every way) she would send monogamy to hell fereva, but most of the time they just do not agree and leave, the ones that comeback, only do it ones in a while for revange sex against their boyfriends when the relationship is not good anymore, and i feel that is a very destructive behavior, but the few times i tell them that they tell me to go fuck my self. i guess it is my fault they dont choose to try new things, i dont know. and if i think about it, even if one finds a woman that will be more into open relationships, and if that relationship grows to its full potencial, i still i do not think monogamy is the way to go then, granted, you have been toghether (not exclusively) for a long time and the love still there and is well…existent (unlike with most married couples) but still, even then i dont think monogamy would be possitive. if you got there freely, why change? what do you think? Reply Leigh (LoGun) June 1, 2013 I think that I have a friend who is part of the Polyamory community in Sydney and I can tell you that there are plenty of women who don’t want a monogamous relationship. You just have to find them. Reply Georges February 18, 2015 The only thing I wouldn’t agree with is the impossibility of having a quality relationship with loads of people at the same time, let’s face it time isn’t infinite and you can’t possibly be attentive or needy to see all those people at the same time? Assuming it does work out good how do you know if you like one person more and want to spend more time? Most loved! January 8, 2016 The title of this blog should rather be changed to the better “4 reason of why you should encourage your little sister to date more man”. Following this blog will end up getting your gf confused and leaving you due to heartbreaks you’d be inducing and the emotional roller coaster she’d be going through. Most man would be able to take her away from you with her in that conditions. You’d be back to changing women like an escort changes dicks! Bad advice! Sarita June 6, 2016 I’m an attractive white woman and I think Asian men are gorgeous. My girlfriends laugh because I keep saying I need to find one for myself. My area has a lot of Asian men, but I don’t think they would be interested in me so I never approach them. I literally sat in a coffee shop today that was full of beautiful Asian men and just blushed into my book haha. I frequently get mistaken for Latina as I’m tall and have an hourglass figure, and I don’t think they would be attracted to that in particular. I actually find them unapproachable and feel that the rejection from an Asian man would be the most serious sort of rejection. Reply Johnny October 17, 2016 A shame you haven’t ran into me yet then. I’m Asian and I’ve dated non-Asian women several times. guille June 1, 2013 well Leigh, i agree, no discusion there, you are or have been part of that same community, and so am i, well not Sydney’s but Mexico’s and yes, there are always women that will give it a go, even if only for trying something new. but it is a pain in the ass when you met someone great, hot, fun, etc. and she really wants to be with you… so long it is exclusive, i mean, i am an honest person so i wont lie to her, if i dont want monogamy i wont have it, even if im crazy about her, because i know that is not what i want, and in the long(and not so long) run to lie to myself will cause me and her pain, but still, it sucks. the potencial of a great, and i mea GREAT experience is there, but chick flicks have fucked with her mind or something. you see them over and over, chasing a fucking unicorn, just fucking sad. but anyway. to get out of this somber thoughts i will check one of australias treasures http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3fZutYufGE that guy always makes me fucking laugh no matter what. Reply Mario June 8, 2013 Number 4 is so damn important bro. “Realising these insecurities and having them hit you in the face every time you see her means you have to confront them and deal with them, rather than running from them.” What’s an effective way to deal with them though? I reckon: Focus: It’s so hard to focus when these thoughts are going through your mind that your forced to become the kind of man who can accept that these thoughts are going through his head and that he will choose to do what he wants regardless. Freedom to! 🙂 Overcoming the feeling associated with these insecurities: “What if she likes him more?”, “Is she still attracted to me?” are often for me anyway associated with a cringing feeling in the upper chest, especially when I really like someone. You have to become the kind of guy who can bring himself happiness, excitement and fulfillment independently of her. He has to be selfish and give himself these things before he can give to anyone else. But I feel like there are more things we can do to confront and deal with these insecurities. What are your thoughts Leigh? Reply prashant August 27, 2014 There is an irony here on which any guy can contend. When you said that, somewhere, an alpha male is just someone who has complete conviction in what he is doing then it can be a person who has belief in monogamous relationship. So that’s it. If a person wants to sleep with only one woman in a period then by your logic it’s alright. Same way if someone wants to sleep with many then its alright for him too? It’s all about personal convictions. And why do we men fuss over women so much. Take each of them as they come. For some you might have to adjust a little, for others they will do the same. In my opinion, if you wait for right circumstances to commit you will never be able to. Another irony! Reply Socialkenny November 24, 2014 I don’t understand you guys. You bash the seduction community yet 100% of what you teach and advocate is right out of the seduction playbook. Goddamn hypocrites. Reply Leigh November 24, 2014 Hey mate, if you don’t understand the content here, you might want to look beyond the ‘what’ and look at the ‘why’. That’s the difference between us and the seduction community and that’s the difference between the guys who really make it and those who fail. This article might clear it up: http://attractioninstitute.com/the-difference-between-a-pua-and-a-naturally-attractive-man/ Reply Man September 6, 2016 This is hypocritical and stupid. You know what’s the difference between PUA and natural? Essentially NONE, the only difference is that one behaves knowingly and the other one has his methods taught from an early age. Yes, early, mostly from the interaction between their mothers and fathers. What men with broken families, with no dads are supposed to do then? Again, hypocritical at it’s worst, only a stupid dick can write something like this. Spoken from a PUA with a life with single mom and having a girl of his dreams. Again, fuck you! 😉 Rory April 10, 2015 Little late on the band wagon here, but I thought I’d give my opinion. This article makes total sense and all of those reasons are perfectly good reasons for engaging in open relationships. However, I find that monogamous (Did I say that right?) relationships can be extremely fun and exciting, and like prashant said a couple of comments before, it’s all about personal conviction. We all desire freedom and joy and that can take the form of different things depending on what gives us that emotion, and that is the same with women and relationships. We are free to choose to sleep with multiple partners, one partner or none at all. For different guys, different things. Personally, I love being in a monogamous relationship because my partner is like my best friend, it’s amazing, but it’s an extension of the joy I already have in life. We love to be together, but also we love doing our own thing, that doesn’t have to be doing other people. Like everyone here, I live my life the way I want to, and my partner is someone who shares that view, we’re just two people who feel happier choosing monogamy (Monogamy with someone who wasn’t free or joyful would suck serious arse). Basically, freedom doesn’t necessarily come in the form of open relationships, its as simple as “Whatever makes you happy”. As long as you’re experiencing that joy, freedom and power to create the life you desire and its you making the decisions, does it really matter what you pick? Monogamy, Polygamy, Origami…Who cares? Get happy then go for what feels right for you, and simply allow others to do the same. Its our choice. Reply Nick October 27, 2015 Thanks to guys and girls like this we live in a world that is completely messed up, we dont care about each other, relationships between people are superficial…. If all of us get the heads out of our asses and start to think about life rather than money, work and sex this planet has a chance to become a better place. Reply Johnson June 5, 2016 This strategy will only work with certain situations and still could make you lose good people that are potentially worth committing to. Choosing this over a monogamous approach seems like you’re just trading certain problems and risks for other ones. If you don’t want an exclusive relationship than just look for sex buddies or one night stands. Chances of meeting people on the same page and staying on the same page with them with this kind of strategy will likely burn one or the other in the end. If not then it doesn’t say much for your feelings towards one another to begin with. If you are in a relationship and want to bang other people, just tell your partner and see if they’re on the same page as you. If they are on the same page then great, you two can be place holders for each other. But if they were super into you they’d be crushed by you saying this kind of stuff. Reply Lara Jane August 2, 2016 what a load shit! Reply xxx August 5, 2016 Fuck this fucked up brainwashing article! adultry and fornicators ar fucked up people! how can u let ur girl go sleep with other men u twisted sick fuck!? dont u truly love her? how do u let her share her vagina with other dudes? are u a fuckin moron? posts like these make me so angry at the world and angry and new age thinkers with their retarded articles! fuck all you brain washing bloggers! ur just corrupting people with ur sick ideas! fuckin morons! Reply fuck you September 4, 2016 I agree with you 100%. People like this should be sterilized. Reply Jim November 11, 2016 Hey , if they want to ride from cock to cock that is their business . They shouldn’t be surprised when no man wants to wife up a banged out slore. Reply Man September 6, 2016 A guy who doesn’t know what a relationship is can write something like that. I can kill a guy for sleeping with my beloved one. If I allow her to fuck other men, I don’t care about her, sorry, it’s the only way that works. You can stop trying to persuade others, people are very different. Reply Juryman September 20, 2016 I encourage women I date to date other men for one reason only. I am not hundred percent sure I want to marry A or B. If she focuses all her attention on me and it does not end up in marriage, I will feel guilty. I encourage her not to put her eggs in one basket. Reply Iris September 29, 2016 Maybe you shouldn’t lead women on then. Reply Andrea September 26, 2016 This is complete bs to me ! Lol I am not open to this way of thinking unless I don’t really like the guy. Why would I need to date other people if I want to be with someone ?!! Reply Iris September 29, 2016 This is such shit. If you really liked the girl to start with (and if you don’t, why are you dating her?!) then you wouldn’t want her to date other men. Why? Because if you get your head out of your arse for a second you’d realise, what if she likes one of the other men more than you? You wouldn’t want to risk losing somebody you’re connecting with – at least not if you’re a REAL man who’s honest about his feelings. This is advice for emotionally unavailable, insecure dickheads and I honestly feel sorry for anybody who treats a woman this way. She could be the one and you’re worried about her “neediness”? Enjoy the single life – you’ll never have a healthy, happy long term love following this strategy. Reply Iris September 29, 2016 Also – ironic that my last comment wasn’t posted by the moderator. Why write online if you can’t handle debate or criticism?! Reply J. Martinez September 30, 2016 As I read your comments, it seems you have very strong ideas about what a meaningful relationship/love is. What is the purpose of having/finding meaningful relationship/love for you? Reply Iris September 30, 2016 I have very strong ideas about relationships and love. I guess I take quite a traditional view in that I want to find somebody to share my life with – a partner in crime so to speak who shares everything. I recognise not everybody is the same. And I’m not against casual dating – provided both parties know what they’re getting into. What I don’t like is posts advising men why they should get the girl they’re dating to see other men. At the end of the day, encouraging a girl you like to date others won’t make her less needy. It will just make her like YOU less, which jeopardises your chance of ever developing something meaningful wirh her. I personally think people should focus on one person at a time and give that person nothing less than their full attention if they want a happy, fulfilling relationship and to find love. But that’s just my opinion! pamino October 3, 2016 I entirely agree, Iris, and women who advise men they are dating to see other women are not something I have ever encountered. The idea that one’s neighbour should be thankful for every freedom forced on him is absurd; and when the neighbour in question is a neighbouress, self-evidently absurd. Reply J. Martinez October 6, 2016 Thanks for sharing your thoughts on relationships, Iris. You want to be in a relationship where you both feel free to share openly. That sounds tasty. It also sounds like you value honesty, like real, to the core honesty. Honesty can be confronting. Not many people are up to the challenge of risking it all for the sake of being upfront and honest. The obstacle many guys face is an unwillingness to be vulnerable. Some guys feel alone often, desire connection, and imagine that being liked or wanted by another person is the outcome they need to feel connected. The way many guys often attempt to accomplish this is by holding back what they really want, hiding their own “neediness” behind false personas, pick up strategies, or just simply trying to appear in control. After all, “who would like a sad, needy guy”? So, they fake it. The problem is not that they want a relationship. Or that they desire to feel connected to a woman. The problem is that the pathway they use to achieve their desires is self-defeating. They want connection yet they hold back, be shady, and fake what is going on for them so they can get the girl, or hold on to the girl. They are making getting/holding on to the girl responsible for avoiding their feelings of loneliness. After a few years of this and not every feeling satisfied in the women he meets or the quality of relationships he has in his life, a guy can find himself asking (if he is lucky): “how is holding back, hiding, and faking working for me?” And if he is honest, he’ll have to admit that it is not the most efficient (or humanizing) way to experience connection with women he’s attracted to or just people in general. Encouraging women you date to date other men is not a tactic for “getting a girl to be less needy.” It is a tactic for a guy to learn how to be less needy and dependent on getting women in his life in order to feel connected. Intimate connection in relationships is not achieved when both people are in sole possession of the other, but when both can bask in pure appreciation of the other. Connection with women is not predicated on commitment (not saying this is not valuable and important), just that experiencing meaningful connection with women (or anyone) is predicated on the ability and willingness to be open and vulnerable, to risk it all. Rather than experiencing honesty as confronting, its about being honest because doing so is one the most independent ways to feel connected and freely expressive with others (especially if those other people also value honesty). I guess in the end you are right, encouraging women to date other men, is about confronting jeopardizing losing your dependence on her to be the solution to your feelings of being alone. But it is so in an effort to release many guys from this sheer dependence that makes it very difficult for them to simply be able to “…focus on one person at a time and give that person nothing less than their full attention if they want a happy, fulfilling relationship and to find love.” Its hard to be present and appreciative if you are busy trying to maintain appearances. Reply Iris October 6, 2016 J Martinez – thank you for this. I hadn’t thought of it this way, and your reply has changed the way I look at things. Reply Yusei October 16, 2016 Is that the society you wish to live in. Is that the society you wish to create, and leave behind. What you’re saying is selfish, trying to fix your own insecurities, by playing with the emotions and insecurities of a woman. You are attempting to change society in such a way, that women will need to change themselves to fit in. They will wrongly believe that being promiscuous is the correct path. In this world, as humans, we are to learn to control our insecurities, both men and women, and develop together. You wish step on and bring out the worst in women, in a selfish attempt to feel better about yourself. The society that this toxic “advice” of yours would create will mislead all young and developing women, damaging the development of both men and women in regards to learning to control their insecurities. I pity you, as you were a victim of someone who changed society long ago to what it is now, and are too immature and blind to see reality. You seem to be afraid of your insecurities, and on the contrary to what you claim to say, your the one who is running away from your insecurities. Reply Hap November 1, 2016 Agree 100%, read my take on this article a couple of comments below. Reply she cucc me October 23, 2016 How to get Cucked 101 Reply Iris October 27, 2016 What I’ve generally found in my 35 years on this planet is that the man who says this, often doesn’t care enough about the woman he is with in the first place. In my opinion if you’re truly in love, the thought of them with anyone else is unbearable. Reply Hap November 1, 2016 Nice, this article just ruined the good image that I’ve built of you in my mind as an “authentic” alternative to PUA. What kind of authentic, deep relationship can you have when your girlfriend is having sex with other guys? This advice is no better than the Machiavellian Red Pill bullshit floating around on the Internet. You are no better than PUA. In fact you are the same, just masquerading as something better. Not all men (actually most men) out there know how to approach and talk to a woman naturally. There are actually good guys out there with no intention of laying 1000s of women, but just want to learn how to approach and attract one. You blame PUAs tactics as manipulation? Fine, maybe they are a bit. But it sure as hell is better than finding a “loose” woman who will agree to be non-exclusive, because no normal woman would agree to it. If you want to live your life like that fine – but most people want deep relationships not the superficial crap you’re advocating here, thereby contradicting your entire purpose of existence as a coach. Reply Leigh November 2, 2016 Did you actually read the points made in the article? Or just read the title and assume you knew what it was about? I’m asking because the comments you’ve made relate very little to the actual article itself and more seemed to be focussed on assumptions you’ve made about the content. Reply Iris November 2, 2016 The content advises men get women they are dating to date other men. It’s pretty clear. If non-exclusive, casual relationships are your bag then cool. However any man who thinks he’s having a meaningful relationship with a woman who is also dating multiple other guys needs his head examined. If you’re serious about somebody you don’t want them to date anybody else, I don’t care what gender you are. And if you’re not serious about them… why even bother to continue dating them? Hap November 8, 2016 Yes, I did read the article and I find it deplorable. Eliminating neediness and your insecurities can be done by working on yourself. Suggesting that you have to fuck many women to do that is exactly what the SEDUCTION COMMUNITY puts forward!! And you say that you are different. Right. By the way, I can’t imagine anyone with a similar personality to me who would agree to this bullshit. I know that I (and most people who are psychologically mature) would feel very wrong doing it. Your article is 100% Red Pill (you advocate non-exclusivity which is the same as the Red Pill’s concept of “spinning more plates”). Leigh November 8, 2016 There seems to be a number of limiting beliefs in your reply which underly your response. 1. In order to build a deep connection with someone, they can’t have a deep connection with another person 2. That if a woman agrees to date someone who’s also dating other people, she’s ‘not normal’ or loose Have you stopped to consider if these ideas are true? The first one, to me, is incredibly limiting and has the potential to cause a lot of problems (including jealousy, loneliness, and frustration) in your life. The second one is more of a moral judgement but still limiting, nonetheless. You could be missing out on forming great relationships with women who simply aren’t as traditional and conservative and close-minded as you. The final belief isn’t so much related to your thoughts about the article, but more about your understanding of our philosophy. It’s that if you have any point of commonality with an ideology, you must, therefore, be in complete alignment with them. Yes, the Red Pill people believe in sleeping around, but so do feminists: http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/06/promiscuous-women/ Does this article make me a Feminist as well? This article has clearly awoken some deeply held limitations in your unconscious and if you take the opportunity to open up, rather than close down, you could learn a lot about yourself and grow through this. Your choice. J. Martinez November 4, 2016 Iris. Yep. You got it. He very clearly says: “I’m not saying you allow your wife to date your neighbor. But in the world of causal playing, it can be beneficial.” Reply Hap November 8, 2016 The author is ultimately suggesting that you have to fuck many women to get rid of your neediness and insecurities, instead of focusing on one. This is EXACTLY what the SEDUCTION COMMUNITY says!!! This is a very immature attitude and I feel sorry for anyone who buys into his products. By the way I read both of his books. They are based of off gross generalizations about what the seduction community is. Reply ? November 14, 2016 Before multi dating maybe it would be good to ask some questions of yourself. What fear or pain am I running from? Will I be using other people? Is this the only way to deal with my insecurities or build confidence? How far am I willing to go with this idea? Has the author any other motives? Reply stg January 13, 2017 I think this doesn’t work for everyone. If you are really romantic and you want something special rather than just playing around and she is going out and also fucking others, it’s just hell. Reply Marco Brand February 5, 2017 Great article. It’s definitely one of the mistakes that I used to make: being needy. Funny enough, the more you do what told in this article, the more she will want to be exclusive with you. Just show you again attraction is very counter intuitive. Reply Leave a Reply Cancel Reply Your email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. You can also subscribe without commenting.