4 reasons why you must encourage girls you’re dating to see other guys

“I don’t want this to be exclusive…” was the last thing I wanted to hear.

She was beautiful, intelligent, funny, cool, and a sexual dynamo. And she was mine. Or so I thought…

“It’s not that there’s anything wrong with you, it’s just that I don’t want to get into a relationship.”

Sure, that made all the difference. I felt SO much better. But I agreed. Partly because I was terrified of losing her, but also because I wanted to see just how it would play out. I’d never been in that situation before and it was going to be interesting.

Despite what my original misgivings, it turned out to be a smart decision. I’d spent all my time up until that point in exclusive, monogamous relationships and thought that was the way to go.

Seeing the other side of the coin showed me that letting the girls you’re dating see other guys was not only OK, but actually had a lot of benefits. There are too many to cover here, but here are the 4 top reasons why you MUST encourage the girls you’re dating to see other guys:


1. You can see other girls

Allowing her to see other guys gives you the space to see other girls. This means you go out, flirt and play, make out, muck around, and not even think twice about getting in trouble.

I don’t think I have to talk you into that one…


2. It eliminates neediness

If she’s seeing other guys, it means she’ll be far less needy and demanding. You’ll have more freedom to do what you want, when you want, and be able to see her when you want to, rather than when she calls.

It will also help you avoid getting needy. If you’re also seeing other people, it won’t matter if she can’t see you because you’ll have other things to occupy your time with.

As neediness is one of the biggest relationships killers, this is a HUGE plus.


3. It keeps the relationship interesting

The fastest way to kill any potential relationship is to take all the tension out of it. Safe, comfortable relationships have the most potential to get boring and stale very quickly and fizzle out before you can work out if there’s any real potential.

By encouraging girls you’re dating to see other guys and seeing other girls yourself, you’ll keep the tension, desire, and passion in the relationship long enough to see if this person is really worth committing to.

And most importantly:


4. It forces you to confront your insecurities rather than running from them

Dating a girl who you know is dating other guys is a fertile breeding ground for insecure thoughts to pop into your head that just don’t exist if you’re in an exclusive relationship:

“Am I as good as him?”

“What if she likes him more?”

“Am I as big as him?” (Don’t pretend like you don’t care)

Realising these insecurities and having them hit you in the face every time you see her means you have to confront them and deal with them, rather than running from them.

When you confront them, you’ll develop your inner confidence and strength to a point where you simply don’t care any about other guys anymore, rather than spending your life running from your insecurities.


In Conclusion…

So, if you’re seeing a girl and worried that she’s going to date other guys unless you put a ring on it, stop worrying. In fact, do the opposite.

Encourage her to see other guys and explore all the delights the world has to offer.

By doing this, you’re not only giving your relationship a chance to grow to its full potential, but you’re also forcing you to confront and overcome your insecurities and move towards your true potential.

I’m not suggesting you allow your wife to date your best friend but in the world of casual playing, it can be very beneficial.



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37 Responses

  1. Josef

    Hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! These is dynamite Leigh!!! Hahahahaaaaaaaaa!!! Just you could show us these point of view so explosive, crazy and true… I send you a big huges to all the guys here..

      • Dhruv Bhagat

        This is seriously epic! Really liked the way you think 🙂

      • Most loved!

        Your blog is good for fantasies.

        In reality this kind of things cause serious hiccups in relationships.

        From a single minded perspective it’s smart to encourage your gf to date other guys. From a multi-minded perspective it’s stupid to encourage your gf to date other guys when she is already dating you as it’s crucial for one to pamper their relationship from its very early stages. Once it has grounded perfectly then set boundaries and encourage her to have fun but not with other horny horses around. With productive, smart and positive people only.

        If you want to date around remain single and rather go for escorts, prostitutes, strippers etc. They’ll love your blog, besides they sleep around and you can even get 3 somes without any issues.

  2. pablin

    GREAT POST MAN!!! I was thinking about this exactly topic since a while. My biggest insecurity is not “Am I as good as him?” or “What if she likes him more?”. My biggest insecurity is “I don´t want to put my mouth in places where another guy put his cock and cum a few hours ago…” hahahahaha. What you think about this?

    • Leigh (LoGun)

      This is one thing that I don’t think you’ll have to worry about. If she has even the smallest amount of self respect, she’ll clean herself up. After all, I’m sure she doesn’t want to be licking some other girls bodily fluids off your body and so will be do the right thing.

  3. Vincent Vinturi

    It’s worth it to encourage a girl to see other men just to confront the feelings of possessiveness and jealousy that come up. The hippies had it right. Free love, without trying to control and possess the other is so much lighter, freer, happier than this modern concept of airtight relationships, where the other person has zero room to breathe.

    Osho has a great talk about this on youtube where he basically says if you really love somebody, you give them total freedom. You give them personal space and don’t demand they divulge everything to you. You give them privacy.

    The women I’ve met who embrace this kind of way of life have gone on to become some of my best friends in the world. I guess it’s because they’re not scheming on how to wrassle a relationship out of me, or get money from me. But it’s that we can enjoy each other’s company when it suits both of us.

    The world is in big need of change with the way people approach love and relationships. It’s become one big front for (sophisticated) prostitution!

    • Josef

      I like your words Vincent, And I follow Leigh and Osho a lot hahahaha, is more, since I meet the AI Philosphies, all the world of Osho have real meaning to me… Thanks Leigh for present me Osho and the others oriental spiritual masters 😀

    • Leigh (LoGun)

      It’s definitely a different way of doing things and one that the majority of the world struggle with at this point in time.

      Do you have a link to that Osho video? I’d love to see it. I’m guessing it’s ‘The capacity to be alone’ one but it’s still worth the watch.

  4. Nils

    I don’t want a relationship like this. Either you love and commit or you don’t love and are just fuck buddies. I don’t want my woman to date/fuck other man.
    Call it needy or whatever I don’t care about your opinion LOL!

      • kathy

        He is completely right. If someone is into you, telling them to date others is a slap in the face and very wrong.

    • Most loved!

      Your are right. I disagree with this post. I find it as an excuse of trying to come up with a different approach to being polygamous indirectly.

      If you want a woman to keep seeing other males (players, womanisers, man stealers) who could potentially take your woman for a ride, follow this post!

      Anyone who cares about monogamy and it’s benefits will most definitely come up with better approaches than what we’re reading here!

      A bit of insecurity can secure your relationship, no insecurity at all can make your relationship insecurity and exposured to the public for manipulation.

  5. Marcos

    I loved it!! absolutelly beautiful post!!
    I broke up with my GF a month ago or so because I was not comfortable with the relationship anymore. Later on, in the following weeks, I told her everything about my intentions after the break up because I didn’t want to give her a false hope about me coming back. She was really hurt about that because she was really into me but she was not giving me space to live my life. So I let her know that I’m fine if she wants to date other guy. I don’t know how my insecurities are gonna be until then but so far, I’m relaxed

    • kathy

      That is horrible and very selfish of you. She probably could do way better anyways.

    • Leigh (LoGun)

      Haha… Ok mate. That’s fine. Is there anything specific you don’t agree with or are you just generally not an agreeable person?

  6. J.Martinez

    News from the field…so, I shared this article on my facebook. And received a response from a very perceptive chick. The response I think hits on what is most “provocative” about this advice (and remember it is only one way of going about relationships). Her “problem” with the advice (and perhaps for others who would disagree), is that it seems to be saying: do not be intimate. It seems to be saying: “exclusivity” is needed for intimacy to flourish and grow.

    If this is the case, then the next question is: if someone feels that exclusivity is needed before intimacy can grow, then what is that person REALLY looking for in their intimate relationships with women? Safety, perhaps? Maybe security? If what you are seeking is safety and security BEFORE you can feel intimate with someone, then this article may just piss you off or seem like a bunch of selfish, bullshit.

    What is provocative about this article is that it “calls out” the general, taken for granted “norm” that seems to be that when two people decide to be exclusive then they work towards intimacy.

    Does exclusivity = intimacy? What does intimacy mean? For me, it means being freely vulnerable, open, and expressive IN THE FACE of insecurity. It means sharing real desires and emotions with another. What if instead of waiting until I feel secure in the relationship before I let out the REAL me, I let out the real me all the time in all my relationships? Would I still feel the need to seek exclusivity, that is, to make this one and only person responsible for my sense of security? Why should I burden her with this responsibility, which, ultimately she is doomed to fulfill because only I am responsible for how I feel and how I engage my world?

    • Leigh (LoGun)

      Interesting. It’s in no way saying ‘Don’t be intimate’ and I think you really hit on why she might be reading it that way.

      Interesting thoughts.

    • Vincent Vinturi

      I’m with you J.

      I’ve spoken with many women about this and the overwhelming majority of them feel that if a man sees other women or doesn’t commit to one woman, it’s some somehow not a FULL, COMPLETE, or REAL love.

      And even if these same women logically conclude that the best way to kill romance and intimacy is to try and cage it in a ‘relationship’ or – gawd fuhbid, marriage – they still furrow their brows because the FEELING of wanting a man exclusively is so strong.

      I don’t know how much of it is cultural conditioning and how much is in the nature of woman, but I’ve also met women who shun these kinds of norms, albeit they’re a refreshing minority.

      And when you do as Leigh suggests, it has the effect of preempting any ideas of exclusivity or ownership or possessiveness. Personally I feel like entering into a ‘relationship’ – PARTICULARLY an exclusive one – is the best way to kill ‘relating’.

      Relationships are fixed, static, complete. You are now free to do just one thing: take each other for granted. But if you keep labels and arbitrary rules out of it, you still strive to seduce one another, to inspire and elevate one another and make your lover shine. Relationships poison relating, with marriage being the death knell of it for 99% of couples.

      That’s just been my experience, and just how I feel about these things. Everybody’s different… 🙂

  7. Niyi Komolafe

    This is what dogs do actually. Dogs are not picky. Dogs don’t have class, are less resourceful and therefore keep the open policy, an admission of ‘ I do not have what it takes.’ I read, ‘Are you a boy or a man? This issue is not in the article and It ought to be. It is men stuff to be a, one woman’s man. Men, I am not talking about randy boys, are picky and the ladies know, that they have better keep men interest otherwise men will kill the relationship and hunt for another equally hot babe. Hunters take the best. Less picky people eats road kills. Men dates like Cheetah. Just because an average lady is on the loose and available does not mean men have to pull. Men hunts for shoal of ladies and do the romantic maths, narrow them to at least three and go for the kill. Failure is expected but the hit rate is good. Here is the snag. Ladies are not complete idiots as some of us will have others believe. If you hunt like this, the ladies you get are worth their weight in gold, they too do not take nonsense. It is up to you. Would you rather drive ten minis or an X Class? The beauty of it is, the only quality item on earth you can own without breaking bank is a quality woman. This is what seduction community teaches us, ‘how to outfox the hedge fund guys or Mr Look So Good with moves that make the hearts of hot women beat relentless until they link hand with you. It beggar belief. Look at it, to cure your neediness, we are told to date multiple ladies, dating multiple ladies happens to exposed the bane of relationships–insecurity. If you don’t have it, learn it. Develop your mind, read wide and develop high taste. One woman’s man. You have done it before, you can do it again and again and again so no rash manner, no insecurity that you lack class, parental love that you have to keep dogs like relationships to be The Man. No, not at all. It is not what men do.

  8. guille

    actualy a have been thinking about it, most, and i men most, women i know want a monogamus relationship ones you start fucking, it actually sucks when you she leaves you to be with some guy that accepts monogamy despite she is not happy with him anyway, has happended to me several times.

    maybe it is social conditioning completely, and ones you show her all the advantages of an open relationship (i am convinced it is totally superior to monogamy in almost every way) she would send monogamy to hell fereva, but most of the time they just do not agree and leave, the ones that comeback, only do it ones in a while for revange sex against their boyfriends when the relationship is not good anymore, and i feel that is a very destructive behavior, but the few times i tell them that they tell me to go fuck my self. i guess it is my fault they dont choose to try new things, i dont know.

    and if i think about it, even if one finds a woman that will be more into open relationships, and if that relationship grows to its full potencial, i still i do not think monogamy is the way to go then, granted, you have been toghether (not exclusively) for a long time and the love still there and is well…existent (unlike with most married couples) but still, even then i dont think monogamy would be possitive. if you got there freely, why change?

    what do you think?

    • Leigh (LoGun)

      I think that I have a friend who is part of the Polyamory community in Sydney and I can tell you that there are plenty of women who don’t want a monogamous relationship. You just have to find them.

      • Georges

        The only thing I wouldn’t agree with is the impossibility of having a quality relationship with loads of people at the same time, let’s face it time isn’t infinite and you can’t possibly be attentive or needy to see all those people at the same time?
        Assuming it does work out good how do you know if you like one person more and want to spend more time?

      • Most loved!

        The title of this blog should rather be changed to the better “4 reason of why you should encourage your little sister to date more man”.

        Following this blog will end up getting your gf confused and leaving you due to heartbreaks you’d be inducing and the emotional roller coaster she’d be going through.

        Most man would be able to take her away from you with her in that conditions.

        You’d be back to changing women like an escort changes dicks!

        Bad advice!

  9. guille

    well Leigh, i agree, no discusion there, you are or have been part of that same community, and so am i, well not Sydney’s but Mexico’s and yes, there are always women that will give it a go, even if only for trying something new. but it is a pain in the ass when you met someone great, hot, fun, etc. and she really wants to be with you… so long it is exclusive, i mean, i am an honest person so i wont lie to her, if i dont want monogamy i wont have it, even if im crazy about her, because i know that is not what i want, and in the long(and not so long) run to lie to myself will cause me and her pain, but still, it sucks. the potencial of a great, and i mea GREAT experience is there, but chick flicks have fucked with her mind or something. you see them over and over, chasing a fucking unicorn, just fucking sad. but anyway. to get out of this somber thoughts i will check one of australias treasures http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3fZutYufGE that guy always makes me fucking laugh no matter what.

  10. Mario

    Number 4 is so damn important bro.

    “Realising these insecurities and having them hit you in the face every time you see her means you have to confront them and deal with them, rather than running from them.”

    What’s an effective way to deal with them though?
    I reckon:
    Focus: It’s so hard to focus when these thoughts are going through your mind that your forced to become the kind of man who can accept that these thoughts are going through his head and that he will choose to do what he wants regardless. Freedom to! 🙂

    Overcoming the feeling associated with these insecurities:
    “What if she likes him more?”, “Is she still attracted to me?” are often for me anyway associated with a cringing feeling in the upper chest, especially when I really like someone.

    You have to become the kind of guy who can bring himself happiness, excitement and fulfillment independently of her. He has to be selfish and give himself these things before he can give to anyone else.

    But I feel like there are more things we can do to confront and deal with these insecurities. What are your thoughts Leigh?

  11. prashant

    There is an irony here on which any guy can contend.
    When you said that, somewhere, an alpha male is just someone who has complete conviction in what he is doing then it can be a person who has belief in monogamous relationship. So that’s it. If a person wants to sleep with only one woman in a period then by your logic it’s alright. Same way if someone wants to sleep with many then its alright for him too?
    It’s all about personal convictions.
    And why do we men fuss over women so much. Take each of them as they come. For some you might have to adjust a little, for others they will do the same.
    In my opinion, if you wait for right circumstances to commit you will never be able to. Another irony!

  12. Socialkenny

    I don’t understand you guys. You bash the seduction community yet 100% of what you teach and advocate is right out of the seduction playbook. Goddamn hypocrites.

  13. Rory

    Little late on the band wagon here, but I thought I’d give my opinion.

    This article makes total sense and all of those reasons are perfectly good reasons for engaging in open relationships. However, I find that monogamous (Did I say that right?) relationships can be extremely fun and exciting, and like prashant said a couple of comments before, it’s all about personal conviction.

    We all desire freedom and joy and that can take the form of different things depending on what gives us that emotion, and that is the same with women and relationships.

    We are free to choose to sleep with multiple partners, one partner or none at all. For different guys, different things. Personally, I love being in a monogamous relationship because my partner is like my best friend, it’s amazing, but it’s an extension of the joy I already have in life. We love to be together, but also we love doing our own thing, that doesn’t have to be doing other people.

    Like everyone here, I live my life the way I want to, and my partner is someone who shares that view, we’re just two people who feel happier choosing monogamy (Monogamy with someone who wasn’t free or joyful would suck serious arse). Basically, freedom doesn’t necessarily come in the form of open relationships, its as simple as “Whatever makes you happy”. As long as you’re experiencing that joy, freedom and power to create the life you desire and its you making the decisions, does it really matter what you pick?

    Monogamy, Polygamy, Origami…Who cares? Get happy then go for what feels right for you, and simply allow others to do the same. Its our choice.

  14. Nick

    Thanks to guys and girls like this we live in a world that is completely messed up, we dont care about each other, relationships between people are superficial…. If all of us get the heads out of our asses and start to think about life rather than money, work and sex this planet has a chance to become a better place.


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